Just, ya know, being thankful

I'm a tabber. I usually only have one window up, maybe 2 if I want to focus on a specific project without the other tabs, but tabs range from 4-24. These days each tab is a potential new job. I'd like to work on some of these tabs tonight so I won't type long, but I have a lot to tell you. Alas, time is short, body is tired and bullet points show up:

-I learned to surf this past weekend! Kind of. I stood up a few times. I'm no expert, but I understand why people love it now.

-I ran today. I sent my broken phone back. I accomplished a task I've had on the to-do list since January. I judged a show down by Lafayette. It was a productive day.

-I love my family. I spent Easter weekend in Florida with my mom's side of the family because my Uncle's wedding occurred on Holy Saturday. I had an absolutely fabulous time. I don't know anyone else with a family as much fun as mine is. One night my immediate family + a fiance + a cousin went in the ocean sometime after midnight and battled the waves for what seemed like hours, or at least an hour.

-The bridal shower was at a restaurant on the ocean. It looked a little fake, but it was real.

-My mom made everyone [no, really, everyone] a delicious brunch Easter morning

-We all danced, and danced a lot at the wedding. My uncle and I even did a bit of swing dancing.

-My sister and I ran 2 out of the 3 days. One of those days was a 6 miler in the upper 80s, lower 90s + humidity.... the morning after a lot of salt water & alcohol. Woo dehydration! I've ran 2 out of the 3 days since I've been home.

-I called about one of my resumes and cover letters today. I'd really, really love this job. The HR department's machine picked up and I was too scared to leave a message.

-Last night Lindsay and I went down to DUMBO to see a friend of mine's friend's show, but alas I made the classic Monday this week, Tuesday next week mistake and there was no show. Instead we wandered a little bit. A seemingly nerdier-hipsterish-our-size marching band came out of a building and played in an empty parking lot. We then got recruited for a comedy show that was actually free, no drink minimum, no tips... just fairly decent comedy.

-I'm unbelievably excited for my sister's wedding in September. I'm also trying to figure out how we're ever going to go get to talk to/see all of those people who will be there. Our family alone has so many amazing people connected to it: "The Moms," both sides of our family, the card group, the Port Clinton friends, etc. etc.

-I'm planning for the days surrounding Amy & Nick's wedding in 2 weekends. So far I'm trying to fit in: Cinco de Mayo with Mike, Jeni, Jenkins +/- whomever else shows up, a run with Jessica, possibly wedding-food tasting for the September wedding, a small roadtrip across Michigan, back, across, and back again, a WEDDING, dancing with the newlyweds, Jackie, Faith & Meghan, a sleepover in a cabin... in the woods... in our sleeping bags!, a stopover in Holland, quality time with Tim, good conversations with Lissa, and probably a little bit of time with my parents... or at least my dad when he drives me back to Pittsburgh to get back on the Megabus.


Enough enthusiasm for the past/present/future, back to that cover letter...

"You Can Have Whatever You Like"

I'm fairly tired, but the last day and a half have been so encouraging, I wanted to write about them. I almost didn't because I have had such trouble falling asleep lately and staying up past my tired time affects that, but then I read my friend's blog about how rewarding her day was and was reminded of how important it is to enjoy and appreciate the days that are positive.

I had a meeting this evening with the co-producer and director of the show I am working on for March. It was my first meeting with the director and a great opportunity to hear about his vision for the show and get a feel for his communication/work style. We all have our strengths and it is exciting to be able to appreciate such things in someone else. There was a time in my life when someone with a "different work style" translated into someone I had difficulty working with. Now I like to think it translates closer to someone who I just trust with other responsibilities. After the meeting we went to check out some props and weapons for the show and without getting too blah-blah-blah, I'll summarize the evening with: meeting production staff members, going through theatre storage [looove it], and getting the final confirmation from an actor- meaning the show is fulling cast makes for an incredibly encouraging night. Woo!

I think a lot of the calmness I felt throughout today came from finally catching up and organizing all of my emails last night. In one week I had received over 120 about the one show. I woke up and only had a couple of emails to reply to and they were new so when I had read and replied, I knew I was done and could close my mail. Oh! The joys of being organized. The more organizational systems I embrace the more I am able to act in the present. I had a successful afternoon including: a new script, a delicious soup, a successful marketing meeting, meeting prep for the evening meeting and more than my fair share of Disney songs. I'm beginning to think they might have had something to do with it.

Wednesday afternoon I dropped off my coat at the dry cleaners, ran some necessary errands for myself and others, received an ushering job for this weekend, and discussed the possibility of lighting a show in February. Productive followed by rewarding.

Things aren't perfect, but I feel like I might be able to stop looking for theatre work and just focus on what I have for a little bit. Of course, I still need to figure out how to fit in the other work so I can pay bills, but the moral is I won't feel guilty if I don't check backstagejobs.com every day I'm home. [I just still will]

And there is so much to look forward to! A meeting followed by work, tomorrow. There's a bit of work on Saturday and Sunday. Sunday night/Monday morning involves packing and riding the Megabus to Ohio to spend Christmas with my amazing family and friends... including 3 brides-to-be! There will be bridesmaid dress shopping, running buddies!, haircuts, apples-to-apples, alcohol at Ohio (or family) prices, catch up with old friends...

You get the idea, it's one of those 'up' times. I'd like it to be the same in the morning.

Float

I am so grateful for spoken word poetry and confidently soft instrumentals.


Lent is nearing an end and a lot of things are changing for me. Of course, there is always plenty to be thankful for. I am working at a theater at home this summer and searching for a second job [hoping to get better results than last summer]. I would like to spend a little time out of the Ohio/Michigan region... possibly in Texas with my brother in May or early June. After July 31st is still TBD. Tomorrow we have a day off of tech, but we start back up on Sunday and open on Thursday. It all goes quite quickly and I am hoping to have my voice [and mind] back in full effect before Sunday. I have a lot to do this weekend and lately I've been playing catch-up a lot. However, I've been floating through the rapids through most of it. If we're sticking with the analogy I'll admit that not all the floating is being done above water and there's a lot of spitting and sputtering going on. It's hard to reach extra high when the ground you're standing on is moving so unpredictably. In these cases you can just sit and still end up in unexpected grandeur.

There's a great supportive company to be thankful for and lately there has been great weather for my walks from the house to the theater... and for the drive to The Junction tonight! Woo! 10,000 points to the weather for letting me take the top off.



xoxo.

chamomile

I am thankful for tea, sunshine, a supportive crew, quickly focused lights, friends, and those other days when I have a voice.

Godot

I am thankful for days when we can all keep calm, confident, and laughing.


Here's to hoping tomorrow is similar regardless of my intention of pulling an all nighter.

xoxo.

Saturday

Today I spent a wonderful day with my brother. I am thankful for interesting furniture stores, good deals at second hand stores, delicious food, kayaks and kayaking, naps, perfectly seasoned pizza, and not dropping my camera into the water.

I am also thankful for my wonderful friends. I said bye to Jess today since I am leaving in the morning and every time I see her I am reminded more and more how amazing she is <3 Now if only we could find some elephants... and maybe a 3-toed sloth.

Case of the Monday(s)

I wish Mondays always felt this good. Then again, if I always had this kind of focus even less work would get done.

I'm extra thankful for:
sleeping in
text messages even warmer than R11 or 03 or 08 or...
Melissa and Schae-schae listening to me babble on and on [about slightly different things]
And both of them giving me great things to think about
[amazing friends]
Short runs in warm (but not too warm) temperatures
Being in Texas
My brother, who is awesome and letting me stay with him this week

Warm Fuzzies Galore

Weekend 1 of spring break was incredible. I can't imagine how it could have been any better... there was even vegan chocolate cake! And double snacks on the airplane! And pickles! I met some wonderful new people that make me wish I lived in Texas just so I could spend more time with them... as if I needed additional people to make me wish that. I'm having a hard time remembering the last time I felt this crazy, tingling happiness.

I am now at my brother's house in Houston with hopes of getting great feats accomplished tomorrow.

Now, to sleep. <3

Acrostic 1: SB

St. Patrick's Day silliness
Printers with giraffes next to them
Really good sauce, pasta, broccoli, spinach, and a dinner I didn't have to make
Infinity
Napping
Good drivers

Break signals
Radio stations playing songs good enough to dance to while in traffic
Escaping
Austin, Houston, Chicago [and all the people I'm going to see there]
Kites. I didn't do anything with one today, but I'm thankful they exist. I have lots of good memories with them.

Anna Jo and Jeff letting me stay with them here in Chicago
Discussions with my mom
Vaginas and Jains sounding alike. I mean no disrespect, but it makes their beliefs about women's cycles funnier
Excellent parallel parking on the first try
New friends
Trees
Understanding financial management today and the homework due
Running [and stopping to sit on benches]
Electric wheelchairs- and driving behind them. They're crazy complex
SXSW?

Maybe later

Remember those poems you used to write where it was a word vertical and other words horizontal. In the near future I'd like to pretend to be in second grade and write one. In the meantime, I'm thankful for:


Running with Meghan
Sunshine
Flowers
Green grass
Good conversations
Phone calls
Drinking in the afternoon
Water
Librarians
Joanne
Reading
Renewing old friendships
More good conversations
Successful run-throughs
Non-violence techniques for change

Keep It Simple

I am thankful for sleep, sunshine, friends, and being okay.

I also sent out another resume today. Three cheers for that.

The Ides

I just paid for the last full month in my Michigan residence. After this there's one half month to pay and that's it... then we go elsewhere. At least four of my five housemates know what city they're moving to in May. I, on the other hand, am not so sure. I miss New York and am quite interested in moving back, but am not going to go without a job. I'm not necessarily against moving elsewhere, but the "success" I had there is encouraging.

The tricky part about figuring out what comes next is that in order to decide I must first figure out what I want. My sister and I talked about this a lot this weekend. It was incredibly beneficial to talk with someone whom I know I align priorities with. So I'm still working on figuring out what I want, but it's less scary if I continue to remember that what I want right now does not have to be what I want a year from now or ten years from now. Of course, that's why the year-long commitments intimidate me, I'm not even sure what I want for a summer, how can I know what I want for a year? I know I do not want to 'settle' or for others to think that I have failed, but if anyone knows me at all, I won't settle for anything- particularly failure. Whatever happens, there will be changes. I just need to trust in this, send out applications to everything I could ever imagine wanting and hope that the one that I will enjoy the longest will call me back...


This weekend I was extra thankful, but I didn't post it. I was too busy living wonderfulness to write about it. My sister [yay!] came up this weekend and went to closing night of my show. It was a wonderful show and I thought that it was the best I had seen it run. The audience was strong and laughter was plentiful. They were still a little slow on the Dogberry jokes, but hey, at least most of them realized it in time. Perhaps I find it funny earlier because I know it's coming?
My sister and I ate at CityVu and one of the wonderful people of my senior seminar was there [she's the manager] so that was wonderful! My sister and I ate delicious food. I think I will be taking people there a bit more often. They're green, friendly, and tasty in one wonderfully decorated restaurant. After the show my sister and I went back to my house and talked, did a tiny bit of job browsing and just enjoyed our company. My wonderful roommate was accommodating as usual [I wish I could keep these housemates post-graduation]. The next morning my sister and I skipped the run, ate breakfast, and then I dropped her off in Michigan City. We had impressive timing and managed to even get in another meal before the train. I drove back and went to strike where the actors were amazingly helpful and we cleared out a large percent of the fixtures in the catwalks. It would have been painful without them. The rest of strike went well, but my body is always tired the next morning from hanging off the cats. And that, my friend, brings us to today. I slept in a bit, ate some cereal [I love cereal] and now need to be productive before a run and more striking of Dewitt.

I hope you all had wonderful weekends as well.
xoxo.

BookEnd

Thank goodness for today and yesterday and for getting to sleep.
more on that later. xoxo.

The Future Freaks me out (so I think of today)

Things to be thankful for:
"The Last Five Years"
Wearing my green skirt and no coat today! Beautiful!
Having conversations so that grumpiness is back to friendship
High Schoolers. It's true, we do keep getting older and they stay the same age.
Conversations with Jackie Ellis.
A fairly successful lighting design presentation and productive production meeting
Reading a page of Dramaturgical Sensibility and realizing I'm too tired for this.
Stuffing programs with wonderful dancers
Dancers in general
My friends going to see my show <3
Missing Olga and Jana. Maybe some day I'll make it to the Ukraine...
Naps
Casey! Who brings joy to my life every time I see her
Only one week until Texas!
Getting to see my sister TOMORROW!!

Saying Yes

Apparently my dream already exists, but I didn't know about it when I was in New York. I suppose it is just one more reason to return now.



Today was incredibly productive.
I am thankful my legs let me do another four mile run today in my shoes which my parents bought me this past weekend.
I am thankful my mind got a bit a reprieve when I stopped midrun to walk by the water and then swing for awhile.
I am thankful that on the way to the swingset I stepped in wet ground so I could remember what spring meant and feel the funny mush in my shoes. It's not my favorite feeling, but I appreciate the memories it brings.
I am grateful for a productive meeting about lighting for Behind the Uniform. The design may take some work, but I have a good feeling about it.
I am thankful for the quietness of the third floor of the library and how many wonderful resources are at my fingertips for research.
I loved today's weather of slightly overcast high 40s uncertainty.
I am relieved by my doctor's appointment and the general encouragement by the people there.
I am thankful for my parents. They are awesome.

And I am extra thankful today for Amy who makes delicious chicken pockets and rice and shares them. I was ignoring real meals today for the sake of productivity and in order to write this 6 page paper I am about to start, I needed some deliciousness in my tummy.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

More thanks, stories someday

I am so thankful to have this spring break adventure coming up! I believe Ed said it's around 272ish hours until we see each other! Austin and Houston... wonderful :)

I am thankful for the wonderful run Andi and I did in the sun today. I wore shorts and even did abs and a little bit of lifting afterwards. I also did this odd game on the bike for five minutes that passed the time quickly.

Thank goodness I finally have a telephone I can make calls on. My housemates were incredibly generous about letting me use their phones, but it's nice to not have to rely on them. However, I will now be texting less and when I do it shall be ridiculously slow.

I am also thankful for the ability to stay calm during my 'meh' performance on my religion midterm.

And I am thankful for the understanding of my roommate and the laughter that Amy and Jackie just shared with me. Oh 1 Corinthians 11:6. Take you out of context and you are much sillier and less offensive.

Dear God, Thank you for...

Yesterday:
Flowers from my parents
A wonderful opening night and opening night party
Feeling truly happy for a bit on my walk home from the party
Breathing

Today:
Being productive while not getting out of bed
My parents coming into town
The earrings I bought as a gift
Job searching and submitting another application!
Wheat Things

Adventures in the Library

Coca-Cola Rabbi.
I reccommend reading the commentary at the bottom for their may be a few flaws in the article, but overall it's really interesting. My favorite part is:
In 1907, Rabbi Geffen accepted a pulpit position in Caton, Ohio. But his wife found the place too cold. So in 1910, with his wife and five children...



I am thankful for friends... real ones.

Listening to the Remainder

I am thankful for the ability to exhale.

20 great things about today:
1. Amazing books at the library (The Royal Court Theatre Inside and Out, The Letters of Samuel Beckett, Toward a Dramaturgical Sensibility, Peter Hall's Diaries)
2. Elle. She let me borrow her flashlight
3. Hugs
4. Mindy/Listening to Mister Rogers!!
5. 5/6 people in my house being awake before 7:30
6. Meghan and I working together to get our bums out of bed. hah.
7. Getting my excel done and turned in before 9A without any running
8. Sweatpants and long underwear keeping me warm
9. Way overdue cuddle time, stories and laughter with Tim
10. Imagining great adventures
11. Acknowledging my fear of failure [lack of worth]. It's the first step...
12. Nap time!
13. Finishing the channel hook-up
14. Successful Day 1 of not eating at the Kletz
15. Speeding AND efficient meetings for presentations
16. Feeling more confident about my upcoming design in a flexible space!
17. Learning that while "poon tang" is the more common spelling (and pronunciation depending on your region), the Online Slang Dictionary (American and English) spells it "poo tang"
18. The wonderful actors and crew of Much Ado About Nothing. They are indeed fabulous.
19. Spaghetti
20. The Sun and the warmth and happiness that, in turn radiates from the people

Everything's Alright

"To be nobody, but yourself in a world which is doings its best, night and day, to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." - ee cummings

If I were honest I'd tell you:

I'm tired.
I think manipulation is lame.
I wish I ran more.
I need to buy new running shoes.
I wish I could read minds; I spend too much time guessing how you feel.
I don't know how to intentionally cut people out of my life, but I wish I knew how. I wish I could even just stop myself from contacting them...
I have high expectations and believe in great amounts and next to nothing depending on where the sun is in the sky.
My left shin hurts when walking.
Most days I don't like t.v. and the way it interrupts me makes me passive aggressive.
I hate shoes.
Spring break feels too far away.
I don't like being cold.
I'm really uncertain about what I want to do with my life and am feeling too scared to apply anywhere. I didn't realize it was fear until today. I thought it was just lack of time. But in truth, I am tired of rejection and don't want to deal with any more. I'm approaching that point when I don't even want to try.

I'd rather be barefoot and camping living in a sense of enlightenment that I never have to come down from. . . and exhale.


I'm sorry. I won't feel this way later.