11:11

I know nothing lasts forever, but it's nice to have amazing feelings that do last long. While it's sometimes scary... wondering when the shoe will drop... you have to work pretty hard to not, at least kind of, enjoy the warm fuzzies.
Today I'm not putting any effort in resisting them.


But I am getting a little sleeeeepy... if I can just get Cloe to share the pillow...

The Ides

I just paid for the last full month in my Michigan residence. After this there's one half month to pay and that's it... then we go elsewhere. At least four of my five housemates know what city they're moving to in May. I, on the other hand, am not so sure. I miss New York and am quite interested in moving back, but am not going to go without a job. I'm not necessarily against moving elsewhere, but the "success" I had there is encouraging.

The tricky part about figuring out what comes next is that in order to decide I must first figure out what I want. My sister and I talked about this a lot this weekend. It was incredibly beneficial to talk with someone whom I know I align priorities with. So I'm still working on figuring out what I want, but it's less scary if I continue to remember that what I want right now does not have to be what I want a year from now or ten years from now. Of course, that's why the year-long commitments intimidate me, I'm not even sure what I want for a summer, how can I know what I want for a year? I know I do not want to 'settle' or for others to think that I have failed, but if anyone knows me at all, I won't settle for anything- particularly failure. Whatever happens, there will be changes. I just need to trust in this, send out applications to everything I could ever imagine wanting and hope that the one that I will enjoy the longest will call me back...


This weekend I was extra thankful, but I didn't post it. I was too busy living wonderfulness to write about it. My sister [yay!] came up this weekend and went to closing night of my show. It was a wonderful show and I thought that it was the best I had seen it run. The audience was strong and laughter was plentiful. They were still a little slow on the Dogberry jokes, but hey, at least most of them realized it in time. Perhaps I find it funny earlier because I know it's coming?
My sister and I ate at CityVu and one of the wonderful people of my senior seminar was there [she's the manager] so that was wonderful! My sister and I ate delicious food. I think I will be taking people there a bit more often. They're green, friendly, and tasty in one wonderfully decorated restaurant. After the show my sister and I went back to my house and talked, did a tiny bit of job browsing and just enjoyed our company. My wonderful roommate was accommodating as usual [I wish I could keep these housemates post-graduation]. The next morning my sister and I skipped the run, ate breakfast, and then I dropped her off in Michigan City. We had impressive timing and managed to even get in another meal before the train. I drove back and went to strike where the actors were amazingly helpful and we cleared out a large percent of the fixtures in the catwalks. It would have been painful without them. The rest of strike went well, but my body is always tired the next morning from hanging off the cats. And that, my friend, brings us to today. I slept in a bit, ate some cereal [I love cereal] and now need to be productive before a run and more striking of Dewitt.

I hope you all had wonderful weekends as well.
xoxo.

There's really no good time for anyone to leave

My room hasn't been this empty since the summer before third grade when my sister and I moved into it. The bed frame that replaced hers in now in the car, accompanied by my mattresses, ready to go to Holland in the morning. My cat must know I am leaving because she has been spending even more time with me than usual. Looking at my room and knowing that it has been 8 years since I was a freshman in high school... or since I played soccer or since... well, I don't know. It just shakes me a bit.

I don't like endings. Leaving London, the Czech, and New York were all difficult. However, graduation from college is bigger ending than all of those. It is bigger than graduating high school. I have no idea what comes next and the probability of my returning to most of the places I have been is slim.

I like learning because I am that much closer to my battle with the unknown. It's times like these that lead me to believe that I am fighting in vain. Of course, as soon as I imagine giving up I remember that I'd rather walk near-sightedly with my eyes open than to close them altogether. And so, as long as the weather cooperates, I am off to Holland in morning. Let's hope for dry roads and an easy adjustment.