Happy Father's Day! I say with ridiculous pride that my Dad is the guy in the overalls. The picture was taken just a little over a decade before I was born! Have a wonderful day celebrating the men who are great Dads! Mine is obviously the best, but I'm sure yours is a close second. With countless memories of kayaking, digging up worms for fishing off the pier, drinking chocolate martinis, and our four and a half hour talks driving to/from college, I couldn't be more thankful.

Reading!

I just listened to this graduation speech. It was an alright speech, with two of the most valuable points being:

1. Go to Paris to be in Paris, not to cross it off your list and call yourself worldly.
I think a lot of people need that advice and I'm sure I've been a part of that group at one time or another. I look at my world map on my wall and want to go to all of the countries so I can shade them in and say I've been everywhere. I dated a guy whose friend had the goal of having sex with a woman in every country. In case you are wondering, the woman didn't have to be from the country, he could bring her there. Anyways, I understand we all have different goals, but I can't help but hope, for him, that he got even more out of the trip. There's more to say about 'being somewhere to be there', rather than to accomplish an empty objective, but I'm no expert.

2. Read.
For the past few months I've been casually dating a wonderful guy. While we're still dating, we've recently discovered that we may be on slightly different pages in terms of relationship needs. As I've evaluated what's been and what I need I think of more and more wonderful effects he's had on my being. He, knowingly or unknowingly, has helped me eat healthier and perhaps even more beneficial, he's given me some great books to get me back on the reading kick. In the past three weeks I've read Graham Greene's "The Quiet American" and "The End of the Affair". They were both absolutely wonderful and I'm still thinking about "The End of the Affair," though I read it first. Since I only borrowed two Greene's I decided to go for something I thought would be lighter next. I'd brought back one of Roald Dahl's chapter books from home. I don't know how I hadn't read "Going Solo," but it'd been sitting on my bookshelf, waiting for quite some time. It's been the perfect subway book, divided up into adventures. I'd recommend it for a great escape read! While it was lighter, I still found myself tearing up just a little bit at the end. I think reading helps me be more present when I'm not reading. It gives me a genuine retreat from my thoughts. Many people use music, but I tend to find music reinforces where I was already at. Instead, books help me run away to someone else's life or perspective. Sure, I over-identified with aspects of both Greene's books, but the added perspectives were incredibly valuable.

So, more aspects are added to SarCare every day. Some days I do well on lots of fronts, some days I only do well one way or another, but I'm still at it. I ran this morning, did my best to eat responsibly (minus the Mud Mocha... oh, Mud Truck <3). Tomorrow's another day and every day takes energy. Good luck with yours!

Not a Couple, Just a Couple of Readers

I happen to think the two of us being our own mini-book club is one of the cutest things I've ever been a part of.


Read: "The End of the Affair" by Graham Greene. Then, let's talk!

One Day at a Time

I'm an emotional eater. I've finally begun to manage the typical day-to-day emotions better, but the bigger emotions result in consuming comfort foods. I also find myself staying up late when I'm emotion-filled. I begin to think I can plan and analyze myself away from hurt, fear, or disappointment. Results vary.

That said, after waking up earlier than planned, I had time for a run. I ran 40 minutes this morning to start off my day. I suppose that also contributes to this overwhelming tiredness I am currently feeling.

Before I go to bed, I want to share with you a quote from a book I read during my senior seminar. I included it in my "Life View" paper 2 years ago. I stumbled upon the paper on my computer as I was looking for pictures of my Grandpa. My favorite picture of my Grandpa and me was the top picture on my cover page.

We were being silly. We did that a lot. I think the picture captures the idea pretty well. Grandpa tended to believe you shouldn't pose for pictures, but a smile or mocking-over-grin happened if you kept the camera around enough.


"From his parents Paul learned the enduring lesson that love can only be applied person-to-person"
(Yancey 75)

Just One Little...

I had a cookie for breakfast. It wasn’t an intentional cookie-breakfast, but I don’t feel guilty about it. It was a delicious cookie, on a plate of other delicious cookies in the kitchen at work. I only took one, enjoyed it with my tea and began working. I kept thinking about those cookies, but ate my yogurt and planned on not eating again until lunch time.

Shortly after checking in with my body and making this decision I wandered into the kitchen to get more tea. What was there waiting, but leftovers from a meeting. On this tray of things that I could’ve passed over, was a ¼ of a large chocolate muffin. Yes, I’d already eaten a cookie, but I love chocolate muffins. So, I took it. With thoughts of it-could’ve-been-worse, I’d like to take this moment to applaud the person who cut all the muffins and bagels and to applaud the people who ate the rest of the chocolate muffin because after one bite, I would’ve eaten a whole one. Actually, if I had bought them at the grocery store I would’ve sat and eaten all 4 chocolate muffins in their little carton in one sitting. As I finished my ¼ I began thinking about picking up a carton of 4 muffins and eating them for the rest of the day. They would, after all, total pretty close to what my daily calorie intake is. That would be okay, right?

I could rationalize the free, hungry-without-breakfast single cookie, but if there was more chocolate readily available, I would have done more than faltered a little. I really want brownies and soft, gooey chocolaty things. Why is moderation so difficult?

SarCare

SARCARE It’s been a good 6 months since I’ve posted. That break was the right decision at the time, but too many of my mental bits are going to people who don’t “get” it, so here I am. I tried to create other blogs with more focused topics, but alas, why? For now, I’m focusing on tracking my SarCare.

SarCare is the name I came up with yesterday for my intentional self-improvement. I’ve finally moved towards a full-on renovation by 3 recent events/factors:

1. My constant desire to run and/or create and not having time to do either
2. A Friday night, a couple of weekends ago when I (while on a date) was so short of sleep I began crying because I just couldn’t listen or do anything until I was laying in bed. I was 3 feet from a bed at the time.
3. Body image. My body doesn’t feel good and I’ve been knowingly not taking care of it for too long. It’s beginning to show physically and I don’t want that to continue.


I have a lot of areas I want to improve in my life, but SarCare involves a few specific ones to start off with:

1. The Sleep Initiative. Sleep 7-8 hours a night. Yes, I’ve survived and even thrived on less, but since I can’t seem to find a middle ground, 7-8 is the new goal during the workweek. 6 will happen, but can’t be the normal as it allows too easily for a 4 hour night.

2. Operation Vegetable. Increase my vegetable intake. I do okay with fruits, but they’re higher in sugar than vegetables and there’s no reason to keep ignoring it… grown-ups need vegetables. For the first two weeks of SarCare Operation Vegetable also includes a 2-week* removal of the following: coffee, chocolate, ice cream & candy. Alcohol will be limited to one day/week. That’s not really a change for the alcohol, but just a reminder 1x/week.

*exception made for dates if the gentleman offers. I’m determined to not be ‘that girl
< 3. The Friends & Family Plan. A continued effort to reach out to friends and family. Exact details of this plan are still in the works. One major adventure will be a Memorial Day weekend trip home to see my Grandparents, Parents & Ohio friends.

4. Long-term Sustainability. Progress on my to-do list to reach the next step professionally. I’ll keep most actionable tasks (except for books I read) quiet as I don’t like to build up anyone else’s expectations for my career. That said the fields include lighting design & arts programming. If you have access to continued opportunities, let me know!

5. Not Just Any Body. I will give myself time to run and lift. I’ve come up with a couple simple exercises I do each night before bed. They’re complete in less than 2 songs, but keep my physical state alive because sitting in an office chair tires you in the lamest of ways. They’ll be the new base.


Today is Day 2 without chocolate, ice cream, candy or coffee. I realize that might not sound like much to most of you, but I normally consume at least one of those every day. Yeah, a little much, but New York seems to have every flavor of chocolate and when you stumble upon lavender dark chocolate, it can be tough to resist. But, resist I will! Wish me luck.

I was supposed to run today, but took an extra shift at work instead. I’m going to be gone for 5 days so I think financially it was a necessary choice. It’ll either be a night run or a really great, much needed workout on Saturday.

Listening to: “Finally Moving” – Pretty Lights

Nom nom nom

Warm granola puts cold granola to shame. What have I been doing all my life that I hadn't learned this yet? So, MotherRunner is one of those friend of friend's blogs I read, you know, because she's awesome. On her blog she has this recipe for slow-roasted granola.

I was missing a few things, but as she notes on her blog, granola's forgiving.

8 cups rolled oats... or 4 cups of some oat/rye/barley mix that you use at oatmeal in the morning
1/2 cup sunflower seeds... or not because you don't have them
1/2 cup sesame seeds... or more because you don't have sunflower sea
1 cup sweetened coconut... or a little more because you can
1 1/2 cups chopped almonds... ish. I just hammered my whole almonds until I worried I might be too loud hammering at 11pm on a Sunday night

2/3 cup vegetable oil... or 1/2c since you don't have as many oats
2/3 cup honey... or a little more because you don't have any maple syrup
1/2 cup maple syrup... well you don't have it so how about some brown sugar
1/4 water or 4 egg whites*... I used a fair amount of egg whites
1 tsp. vanilla... or a little more because you like it
1/2 tsp. salt... or a little more because you poured too fast
1/2 tsp. cinnamon... or pumpkin spice because for some unknown reason you have pumpkin spice and no cinnamon

Bumday

I had a nap dream that I went running, woke up sweaty (it's hot up in these 4 story walk-ups sans a/c) and decided that counted as exercise. Yay!

Child Cases

First 33 minutes of this PBS/NPR bit are about diseases that look like child abuse. This is absolutely fascinating and the possibilities for incorrect judgments are scary.

A 23 year-old

I have a to-do list with high priority stickers half-a-page long. However, my brain can't focus because the priority stickers don't hold a candle to... my heart strings?

I don't know what to do with this feeling. Two nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and felt the need to check my computer. So, at about 4am I read a fb posting of a former neighbor. His sister had written on his wall that she'd miss him and she'd give anything to see him one last time. I immediately googled him because I grew up with this kid and this was completely out of the blue. Well, for the next 12-ish hours nothing came up. However, more people wrote on his wall and I started to feel sick as reality tried to set in. I spent hundreds and hundreds of hours sitting on the curbs of Rock Creek Run with this kid. We jumped on his trampoline and played hide-and-go-seek around the neighborhood. He, like most of the neighbor kids would ride his bike around... although I was a weird-o who rollar-bladed instead. He taught me about boys' ears and was a great guy-friend to an (like most of them) insecure Jr. High girl. We passed a lot of time together in the summer. Now that I think about it, there were about 9 or 10 of us all within a year or two of each other. We were quite the neighborhood group. While it's been years since I talked to the majority of the neighborhood kids, in the doorbell ringing, roof and curb-sitting memories we'll remain kids forever.

When someone who you don't see every day passes away it often makes it feel less real. I recognize that my experience and loss is completely different from his closest friends' and family's. It feels more like a destruction of a childhood memory than anything else. As long as my belief in heaven remains intact I can stick with the "you'll see him on the other side" mentality. Perhaps the root of this uneasy feeling is the removal of the shade of invincibility that I live under. He was 23. Outside of alcohol related accidents, who, from my life, dies at the age of 23? No one. And why do these articles keep saying "man". He was just a guy, down the street, with perfect blue eyes and a great sense of humor, who once shot me in the leg with a paintball gun.

A guy who a lot of people are really going to miss in their lives. If you pray, please pray for healing and healthy coping for those closest to and those not-so-far from him.