Monday, September 27, 2010


I think vegetables are inspiring!

Nothing makes me want to cook more than fresh vegetables! With the vegetables I picked up today and the extra couple of things I grabbed at target I made four meals for later this week. One included the red pepper, green pepper, sun tried tomatos, tomato sauce, a bit of noodles, a little mozz, almost a serving of chicken and plenty of spinach! I am so excited to eat it. On the other size there's pineapple chicken and spinach. The other day I put green beans, spinach, pepper, chicken, and noodles together. I knew green beans and honey worked so I had some honey to the mix and some cinnamon just for fun... delicious!

I love cooking when I'm not too hungry to wait.

Sometimes vegetable parts, like the tops of peppers, make me want to do art projects with them. I want to make stationary with paints applied with corn on the cob or the tops of pepers. The top of my red pepper today was absolutely stunning.

Although, I'm sure you are even more stunning!
People can be inspiring too. Share.

And then you remember

As presented [in long form] in my last entry, I've been fighting a severe case of the negativity bug. When this bug is in full force I have difficulty being cheerful/nice/the like, in response to negative comments. This leaves me feeling unlike my self, or at least the self I'd like to identify as. Lately I have been feeding off of the negative comments, replying in agreement at the negativity, or being negative about the negativity. Either way, I've lost.

Today was different. Or at least, since 6:00 it has been different. After work I went to the post office! On the way I passed that the little tiny market that I always see when walking to this post office or my favourite veggie burger location and it was actually open! It is always closed when I walk by and today there were 10 whole minutes before it closed. I stopped in, figuring that the prices would probably be outrageous, but the peppers went on sale AS I was looking at them (the guy cut the price almost in half as I was standing there) and everything else looked great and was priced even better. I bought 1 green pepper, 1 red pepper, a small bag of sun tried tomatoes, grapes, strawberries, and a little thing of hazelnuts for $6.31! A steal! I can't remember the last time I was so happy after buying food. I was happier than the other day when Lindsay and I bought ice cream. I left there and mailed the package. I love mail, sending and receiving. As I departed it DOWNPOURED. It was the sort of rain I used to love, but have enjoyed less as I began to have to sit in a train for 40 minutes while cold and wet afterward (or 8+ hours if it's on my way to work) and since carrying things with me that could die when wet. I put my phone in one of the plastic bags with the vegetables and just walked, soaking the rain up. So cleansing! The sidewalks need to be rinsed off even more often than they are.

As I was walking to my Subway I passed two teenage girls under an umbrella waiting for tickets for a show.
Girl 1: You must be DYING without an umbrella
Me: *hands to air* Nah, just wet!
Girl 2: Awww, *Looks at Girl 1 like I have a point and they both laugh, in good spirits*

It was the perfect good perspective moment. I was glad to be back in it. A little bit of dinner and a good shower later, I definitely believe that rain doesn't make for the miserable day everyone kept saying it was.
Remember when I was in love with the rain?

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Repeating Myself vs. Keeping you Informed

My past week has been a mix of "UGH!" experiences and giant sighs of relief (or other feelings which are the opposite of "UGH!").

Bike Accident vs. New Friend [the night before]

I bought a bike last week. By riding my bike to work I was hoping to reduce the amount of money I would spend on the Subway and increase the amount of exercise I was getting. This plan almost worked.
I later realized that because of bad weather, lack of time, excessive distances, and frustration with pedestrian and car traffic, I would still be riding the Subway so much that it was the most fiscally responsible choice to buy the monthly pass. I bought one yesterday.
The Saturday after I bought the bike I was riding to Bryant Park and was affirmed that the tire, which I had refilled the day before, had something wrong with the tube and needed a new one. The back tire was completely flat so I stopped riding, took it onto the subway (the bruises on my legs wish I had insisted on buying a lighter bike) and got to Bryant Park half-way through the concert. Instead of taking my bike all the way back to East Harlem I decided I would just take it across town and leave it at work. The building was open and I had office keys. There's even a bike shop down the street I could get it fixed at. Well, the door guy wouldn't let me take it up and I ended up paying (the bike got more and more expensive as time went on...) the gym next door to let me leave the bike with them; I didn't trust my cheap target lock overnight.
So, Monday came around, through some sneaky help from Jose, who works at the gym I managed to get the bike up into my office and had an uncomfortable day at the desk. However, I got it fixed that night and rode it home. About half-way home I was stopped at a light and met a new friend. We ended up walking 2-1/2 miles together and enjoyed some quality getting-to-know-you conversation. Woo! Benefit of having a bike, comfortable timing to start a conversation at a stop light.
And! I could still ride my bike to work sometimes just for the exercise! Right?
Well, the next day I went to ride my bike to work and about a mile into the ride along the East River Bike Path (so no, I wasn't biking on the sidewalks) a pedestrian, who had been walking in a straight line in the middle of the path, suddenly decided he wanted to move to the left as I was passing him. I moved slightly to the left, my handle bar was caught in the fence and I went down.. hard. The guy just looked at me on the ground and walked away. Woo for rude people! I got up and sat on the side of the path for a little bit nursing my boo-boos. My left knee was a royal mess, my hand had all sorts of grossness in it, my right knee had a bruise forming, my right elbow was bleeding, and my right back shoulder was scraped up. Sometimes when things like that happen you just need to sit and cry. I left a message on the work machine that I'd be late and I sat and cried. A couple minutes later a guy came by and asked if I had broken anything. I said no and he told me to not cry about it for too long then. I wasn't sure how to take his advice, but in time I remembered that I needed to get to work so I did. I was sore for the next few days and today (Sunday) was the first day I ran again. My back still sort of hurts from it. So, the bike has not increased my exercising.
At this point, I think the 'ugh' bike accident won this one.

Solo Date Night: Soda vs. The Moth

Thursday I decided to take myself on a date. I took the B/D down to the West Village to see a Moth Story Slam. The train I was on had to wait for a stalled train up ahead so I arrived 30 minutes later than I thought I would. While it was still an hour before it started, the line was long so I decided I'd eat dinner afterward and get in line before I risked not being able to get in. While in line I, for the first time in a long time, told the guy in line that was talking to (not with) me that I was not interested in having the conversation. Maybe it's just me, but after a long day at work, I don't want to be lectured on Goldman Sachs's bonuses. I tried my best to be polite and I don't think I offended the guy. Truthful politeness is beneficial; Preaching to the choir is not.
The Moth Story Slam was enjoyable and it was something on my list that I'm glad I kept an eye on... worth the $8.

After the Story Slam I ventured off to the MacBar, where I had intended to go before hand. I wanted to scope it out for future visitors. Delicious. I had the Mayan Chipolte, but, as chipolte often does, it required a beverage. However, the liquids at the MacBar were all overpriced so I decided to just eat quickly and get a less overpriced something-or-other at the corner store down the road. I ended up buying a $1.29 glass soda... the kind you usually see at Mexican restaurants. Of course, once I walked away from the store I realized it wasn't a twist off. Way too cool to go back to ask if they had a bottle opener, but too thirsty to not drink it until I was home, I decided to look for something I could pop it off with. I found an unguarded police barrier and decided it was just the thing. Well, I pulled and pulled and it wouldn't come off. Finally I just yanked the bottle. I had moved my top hand... the cap flew and bam! I drank a bit quick and then attempted to discreetly hold the bottle against my eye, hoping that it would keep the swelling down so I wouldn't have to admit I received a black eye from a bottle cap.
I was fairly successful.

Moth wins.

The fact that the bookstore, Housing Works (great books and great mission, check it out) where the Story Slam occurred, had Peter Hall's Diaries for $8 and I went back the following evening to purchase it only added bonus points.

Failing at Giving Up Sugar vs. ReWWing (again)
A couple of days ago I thought I could join Heather in giving up sugar. I did really well for the first 24-48 hours. Day 3... sigh.

So I decided I need more structure and accountability. So, it's back to the Weight Watchers' counter on my phone I go! I wish I had had more success with giving up sugar. I know messing up one day doesn't mean I can't give it up the next day, and I am definitely going to attempt to stay in that area, but I think more of my focus will go to WW. It's clearer in its 'you did well!' or didn't.

Panic Attack on Subway vs. Counting by 14's

Yesterday Cameron, Lindsay, Jay (a new friend of Lindsay's), and I were in the East Village. We had lunch together and then went to 16 Handles (they mean the handles you pull down for soft serve, but I try to remember that I don't want 16 Love Handles). Then it was suggested we eat it in the park, I thought they meant the one on Ave A. They meant the one that I used to love walking by becasue of the great people and now it just makes my heart hurt. I thought, maybe, I could still go, but as soon as I walked in my chest tightened up and I had to leave. I sat outside the park and focused on breathing and ice cream... realized I wasn't going to recompose myself despite the deliciousness and told L, C, & J I was going home.
After getting on the 6 train I sat and focused on one spot; I was fine. Then, they held the train and didn't open the doors... for 5-8 minutes. They're supposed to open the doors. They had broken my focus. I was messy. They finally opened the doors before they departed and I got off the train. I stood and counted up by 14, starting from a number not divisible by 14.
It worked.
I stepped onto the next train and took a nap when I got home. I was back in the world.
I like to think the win goes to the Number 14.

Needing People vs Having People

Do you ever have those moments when all you seem to be able to do is miss people and feel nostalgic for other times? Lately I have been missing having a cross country team more and more. I, daily, miss my housemates [spring 10] and my close friends from other parts and times of my life.
It's the strangest paradox because I become so frustrated at myself for NEEDING these people. I'd like to imagine that I can be happy and productive without them. However, I do have them, and I am endlessly grateful for them.

I guess at the end of the day it's a tie and I win?

3 Weeks Vs. 3 Weeks

Leaving a job that makes you restless: a giant sigh of relief
Not having a job and being completely unsure of what happens next: a little scarier

I am trusting in the world that I will win out in this one. How can't I? I am leaving before I begin to COMPLETELY brush off my job, and my employers and I are on the same page. I left our meeting and felt an incredible adrenaline rush and a weight off my shoulders.

Plus, the Waiting Room [waiting for a certain job to just show up] is not for me.

That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing."
-Dr. Seuss

They may be figurative Boom Bands, but yes, yes, I will.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

You know you live in New York when...

Your bookstore offers this.

Note: I am fully aware that this may be offered and publicized in other towns and cities, but I've never been made aware of it before and I think it's great.

For the rest of the month!

When I think about the goal for myself, it is one week... just one week. However, when I word it for others I'll say for the REST OF THE MONTH; it sounds more impressive.

After reading my friend, Heather's post on Mother Runner I have decided to join her (for at least the first week, she's doing a full month) in giving up sugar. Okay, not sugar from my entire diet. Fruit has sugar. Peanut butter has sugar. It's a natural ingredient. It is the sugary snacks that I am going to kick for the next week. For those of you who have never lived with me or spent large amounts of time with me you may not be aware of the amount of chocolate and sweets I consume. I've been known to have 5lb bags of chocolate chips in my desk drawer for late night study sessions and Reese's in the freezer, peanut butter M&M's the backpack and... well, all sorts of things... just in case. I tend to consume more than 2 servings of chocolate a day... more than.
This will be a bit of an undertaking.
That said...

Today is the start of Autumn and with the start of a new season, I would like to have more control over my eating habits and emotions. Emotional eating is giving in to them... saying, "I can't handle you so let me focus on something that makes my taste buds happy since that is the only thing I can please". I also tend to eat out of boredom. I enjoy the people I work with and am grateful for having a job; However, I am not always as intellectually stimulated as I'd desire to be so when work is quiet and I get tired of reading or writing or "just don't feel like it," I eat instead. Sometimes it is a result of not feeling useful or feeling... just feeling.

So, today is the start.

All encouragement is appreciated.
Care to join?

ps. Have already spent some time with this Wellness Guided Tour, will be spending more.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Mumford And Sons - Awake My Soul

after the flat tire

I like free events

And I like rooommates

Yay Brooklyn Philharmonic :)

Just saying...

There are few things more disappointing in the morning than paying $2.75 [$3 with tax] for a latte and getting something that tastes like bad hotel coffee. Given, it's always disappointing, but when you haven't actually bought a warm beverage in about a month because your budget doesn't allow it and you finally splurge and it's badly flavored hot water, it's sort of detrimental to your morning.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sharing Thought Bubbles

I read this bit that I wrote about being so happy last May and how my "newest favorite conversationalist" made me "feel validated". It's strange because I always know what's going to happen next (my June journal self knew too), but I never find the thing to do to stop the other shoe from dropping. What's that word for when something happens only because you feel it'll happen? Maybe it's that... maybe it's not.

Forget the shoes, I'd prefer to be barefoot.

And to be alone* is breathing solo,
An exhale without an in,
A deflated heart and an empty hand-


For you, I'd stay.
For me, you left.

*alone meaning lonely

Friday, September 17, 2010

Restoring [my own] Sanity

As I prepared to depart from my office for yesterday's run, the giant storm stopped! The storm ended up being much more dangerous than I had realized at the time (trees uprooted, roofs taken off buildings, ect.), but that was probably why the air felt so perfect when the storm was through. This was my first run in a 2ish weeks and only my third since returning to the city. Yet, I ran a great six miles. I'm not sure how long it took me, as I forgot to restart my watch at a crosswalk or two, but I stopped for about 10 minutes to enjoy the Hudson (pictures below) and just briefly at Central Park and I still managed to get home in about an hour (so maybe sub830). I think seeing other [more in shape] runners along the Hudson and in the Park -along with having so much emotion to run off- just gave me a new sense of energy. I even kept my core strong for most of the run.
I love days when I feel like a runner again. My head cleared;I felt alive. It was perfect.

What was my mid-run stretching spot last fall, while looking South

And North

I'm pretty sure the people who think this city isn't beautiful have just never opened their eyes.

After a great run, I showered, warmed up, ate, and then- it's important to do it in that order- went grocery shopping with Lindsay. We bought ice cream and made a new "friend". Okay, maybe he isn't our new 'best-e' for sure, but it was an interesting conversation to say the least.

With the run and ice cream in, I slept quite solidly.
No matter how I sleep, I rarely feel motivated to get out of bed (Mondays-Fridays). However, this morning I managed to get up with the first alarm and every train came right as I walked up to it. I arrived at work 20 minutes early. With that 20 minutes I confirmed that one of my favorite college friends is coming to visit AND I booked a bus to DC for 10-30-10 because I'm 22 and I want some sanity (or fear- not quite sure which) in this country. It'll just be a one night trip and I will get back to New York in plenty of time for the East Village parade. I <3 Halloween.

In other bits of news:
*Last night I bought a mini-strobe at target
*I am hoping to purchase a bike tonight... we'll see how well Craig's List steared me
*I LOVE Autumn and saw my first beautifully fallen leaves in my neighborhood on the way to work this morning.

I believe in beauty and I believe in adventures!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Spattering

Friends are important. I like the idea of spending time with them.
We had our very first dinner party last night and it was absolutely wonderful... laughter and delightful foods were enjoyed by all (I think)(at least by me a lot).

Success, by any definition is hard to find. Ralph's definition is particularly difficult. Must we all post it on our fridge?
To laugh much; to win respect of intelligent persons and the affections of children; to earn the approbation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition.; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm, and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived--this is to have succeeded."

I'm scared of not succeeding.

In order to fight against the "but I'm too tired to run" thing I've been doing for the past month, I brought my running clothes to work and I'm just going to run home with my phone in one hand and my keys in the other. Woo!

It's going to DOWNPOUR on the way home. I'm banking on it being cleansing.

Songs like this make me cry.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Don't smoke, but here's a light.

I'm an enabler.

I was explaining this to my roommates last night and realized that I've been an enabler for over a decade now. Even back in the sixth grade I was the door guard during spin-the-bottle. We ate lunch in our classrooms and so I would stand by the door and let everyone know when the aide was coming and so they needed to stop playing. I didn't necessarily feel moved to participate in the actual kissing, but if that's what people wanted to do, I was more than willing to facilitate it.

Such is life.

Double Feature

Vote of the [insert appropriate time period here]
Does this belong on the "Ways to tell you're not even ready for searching for a new relationship" or "How to know when you need to eat dinner" list?

Yesternight I was walking down the street when two very attractive guys passed me. I suddenly realized I had been staring and the one noticed. He gave me that "I know you were checking me out smile" and continued passed. It was only once I felt the acknowledgment that I realized where the look came from. He was quite attractive, but I had neglected to check him out. The pizza box he was carrying in front of him, however, deserved all of my attention.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Un, Dis, Can't

I don't want to become a cynic.

Friday, September 3, 2010

The moth three years later

I thought I had been watching how high I was climbing, but I suppose I misjudged. My weight hadn't changed much and gravity is a constant, but when I fell the equal and opposite force was far greater than I imagined it would be. I had avoided the mountains for quite a while, choosing to stroll upon low hills with slight possibilities. But, you were more and so I ignored your words of warning and pleaded with you to come with me. I was tired of the ground and wanted to enjoy more with you. You could not have given me enough reasons to avoid the beautiful rush and the view. I didn't realize how far I'd wandered and how bruised my knees would be when the scene was over.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Wires and Angels

There are a lot of reasons I encourage people to walk without headphones in their ears. They mostly stem from three:

1. You stay aware of your environment and therefore safer (from cars, animals, and people)
2. You can help people... sometimes they need directions or a seat or... you'll never know if you don't open up your ears
3. You learn all sorts of things!

There are many days when you just want to zone and music seems like a great way to shut out the world. This is okay; I do it too. It's just important to remember what you're doing and make it a conscious decision instead of a default action.

Today I received the ultimate reward for keeping my ears open. As I was walking from the subway to my house, an East Harlem couple was walking in front of me. We were walking in the same direction (they live around the corner, I guess) and all of a sudden the guy starts singing. He had an AMAZING voice and his range... sigh. He was singing something that sounded like a mix of 70s soul and gospel and it was fabulous. The female with him joined in, with background bits, and I could've followed them for miles. They sounded like the angels about which they sung.