Monday, March 28, 2011

futuring's travel arrangments

Count Down!

1 day: Spur-of-the-moment trip to DC! Yay for escapes!
5 days: Cast Party
3 days and 3 weeks: Florida for my Uncle's wedding
2 days and 5 weeks: Ohio to pick up my car to drive to Michigan to pick up Jackie to drive to the other side of the state to celebrate Love, also known as... Amy & Nick getting marrieeeed!
5 days and 22 weeks: Anna Jo & Jeff's wedding, which means lots of family and dancing and silliness and, you know, general happiness.

College kids are posting spring break pictures.  I don't bother to look at most of them, but the track ones pull on special heart strings. Oh, I miss that world!  This past week all I wanted to do was run a speedy steeple chase race.  I might not be in speedy shape, but there's no steeple pit for me even if I were still lean.  During college I didn't realize it, but I planned/participated in some incredibly college-y spring breaks.  None of them were particularly alcohol-driven, but every other characteristic was there.  I think I didn't fully acknowledge how awesome and adventurous they were because I was lucky and they were on the cheap.   My freshman and sophomore years I went to Florida, South Carolina, Georgia with the track team.  My freshman year I even went to Disney World 
and that was the only major cost. My junior year I was abroad and got to visit Paris, followed by Rennes where Amy was. And my senior year I flew to Texas and spent time in Austin, Georgetown, and Houston drinking a little, followed by warm fuzzies, wine & PB&J, followed by kayaking with my brother, followed by time with one of the most reliable friends in my life, followed by more brother time. It was pretty much perfect.

I miss spring break.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Grown-up Goal

Goal for this upcoming year:

Develop the ability to separate work and outside life

                                                                             least a little.

I know this is a lifelong project and people in every pursuit struggle with it, but I'd like to struggle less.  My sister visited this weekend.   I would love to spend more time with her regularly, but with our schedules, our commitments, and our our geographical locations, it's not possible. So, when we plan well and she spends the money to fly to the city for just a couple of days that I'm supposed to have "off" I want to spend as much time as possible with her.  However, I spent a large portion of the time being upset with work related emails.  The less urgent things were put on hold. I completed most of those tasks this afternoon, with no negative impact on anyone or anything. However, some emails pushed to the top of the priority list.  Yet, I don't respond positively to emails written passive aggressively or condescendingly... or when they're just plain mean.  In order to respond in a constructive manner I need time to decompress and process. Afterwards I will dedicated a section of time to carefully chose my words. I can't do that in the middle of bridesmaids dress shopping or dinner with friends or at 3 am when I have been, for some reason or another, actually sleeping for the couple of hours prior.

So, perhaps, I will try to fully embrace the idea of closing out the email window.  I will only check my emails at specific times of day.  While my life may continue to change the times when that can happen, I'll figure it out.  But what about the phone?  If I ignore texts and calls, how will I know when something is urgent?  Some people only call when it's urgent, but most of the time it's not.  I also like to be incredibly accessible to my long-distance friends.   Yet, I know I should, and would like to, occasionally, be able to give complete focus to the people I'm with.  I want to be mentally present when physically present.

Anyone have any advice on this?  I've read quite a few books on how to do it, but how do I do it and still be regarded as a prompt, easy to access person?   I've tried a few methods, but I'm having trouble developing a system I can stick to.  It'll be a process.  Where to start? 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

rawr. dinosaur.

Don't mind me. I'll be back eventually. My sister is visiting and I'm having a wonderful time with her.

Other than that I'm just trying my best to be resilient.   It's one of my favorite words and a way I'm trying to be.  Sticks and stones will break my bones, but what is that saying... fake it 'til you make it?


Friday, March 18, 2011

sunshine and meh

I ate lunch today on my fire escape. Fabulous! The sunshine, the light breeze... the world feels beautiful. I had intended to picnic down near the theatre, but I got too hungry so I decided to eat uptown.  I was going to go down to the river, but I was too tired from my run to walk down and find a spot, so I just stepped out my window instead.  We have trees.

I've also decided that people who smoke pot around areas typically used for exercise infuriate me.  I only ran 4 miles today and over half of it I was surrounded by the smell of pot.  In general I usually take the "your body, your choice" perspective, but when you're smoking on a path where people are running, biking, walking, etc. you are affecting their bodies.  Sinuses discourage steady breathing, which discourages steady running.  To irritate those sinuses even more is cruel.

I cannot wait for my sister to be here tomorrow!  I need sister time. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Not All Who Wander


It's a common misconception of people new-ish to an area that if someone asks them for directions it means they look like they live there.  I'm not sure about other places, but in New York, it really just means that the person's lost and you aren't scary.


Saturday, March 5, 2011

You Can Do It [put your - into it]

I did it.  My goal for this week was to abandon time and distance expectations [as usual] and run three times this week.   Baby steps back to those 50+ mile weeks. So, Tuesday, Thursday and today [Saturday] I arranged my days so I could run.  Were my days a little more rushed? Yes.  Did the chaos of the days limit the time of my runs? Kind of.  But, today ended the week with a semi-quality 5 miler... so I'm not complaining.  Starting from Leonard Street and slowly making my way back to E. Harlem helped keep my interest.  Variety's important in every aspect of life: running, shampooing, loving, theatring etc. It takes more than a chip clip to keep those things from getting stale.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Lately I've felt that my stories and experiences are becoming less and less unique and therefore less and less necessary to share with the blogosphere.  We all meet people. We all have our heart broken [some people by things other than relationships]. We all feel inadequate some days and [hopefully] as though we're fulfilling some great need other days.  Of course, this blog was also a method of sharing with friends, but things haven't really changed: I'm still here, still tumbling through a bunch of emotions, searching with my eyes closed.

The 6-10ish $1 seeds and baby pots I bought the other day are the best investment I've made in awhile.  They're [almost- darn cilantro...] all growing. The little bits of green help me forget that it's still cold and that I'm feeling... a lot of things.

There's a lot of thinking, while typing, hence the ... and , .

That said, last weekend I went to my best friend's wedding and felt incredibly "right".  While I could  never live there, as the conservative nature of Henderson, Nebraska would eventually get under my skin and I'm simply not at the same stage as Schae, the community that surrounds her, that instantly brought me in, filled a gap.  It's a gap that I often surface over and, whether I realize it or not, ignore.  I'm too tough to let it get me. I'm a woman, an individual, and capable of anything.  Rawr.  I won't crumble for simple needs any more. Or, at least, that's where I am today.  Two weeks ago I suddenly became incredibly emotional when out with a group of friends for no simple reason. I immediately needed to go home and crawl in bed.  The next day a friend called and asked if he could visit that day. I gladly said yes and while I still had to focus on work, he gave me the recharge I needed.

This past weekend was another renewal, but also a gentle shake from a slumber I hadn't acknowledged I was in.
I'm beginning to think that we don't come into this world alone... or leave it alone.  Perhaps this is true physically, but just because my body is made of dust, doesn't mean anything else is.  We come in this world with a metaphysical love around us and regardless of what happens while we're here, we leave with it too. Or, at least, this is what I believe today.  Perhaps it's for my own comfort that I believe it.  Or, perhaps, I'm right.