I make taking note of moments, events, to dos, and seemingly new developments a priority. However, recently I have lacked the brain power to process the trajectories of the days. In other words, I haven't blogged much of February. I am blessed enough that I am currently part of many fantastic projects, but that results in a lot of tasks to complete. Some tasks are fantastic; some tasks are...
Most days I have managed the check lists fairly well. I have accepted that there will always be more to do, but if I get stuck on that, I will not be as productive as I need to be. The tyranny of now pressures, but it exists for a reason. The learning curve has sharp edges. Last week, by itself, would have been exhausting, but coming into it slightly worn made it that much more difficult. To claim that there was nothing to be thankful for would be to lie, but I was fighting a funk that had as many cures as a common cold: sleep, nutrition, and positive energy.
I went out Friday night in hopes of letting go of some of the stress. I switched the focused and held onto the enthusiasm for a couple of hours. But, once I started to feel emotions that I had forgotten existed, I knew it was time to go home. I called friends for support and perspective, and eventually fell asleep. Note, I was home before 11pm. Apparently I needed the rest. Yet, I woke up the next morning and still felt tense.
A friend came to visit. He needed to get out of his town. I needed to get out of my head. He made the spur-of-a-moment decision that satisfied both of our needs. It's amazing what the blessing of a person who really knows you can do for your weekend. He spent Saturday and Sunday here. I mostly worked on my projects: went to meetings and rehearsals, printed scripts, interviewed board ops, thought about light plots. Yet, the change of energy that surrounded me and the low expectations we promise each other, have brought me to a new place to start the week.
I'm still stressed and I'm just as tired, but we talked about things other than work and I've been reminded that my work isn't the end of the world or the beginning of it. It is, however, important. It is how I spend my time, my life. It compliments how quite a few other people spend their time and their lives as well. So, I'll continue to stay positive, passionate and dedicated, but that's it. As I once needed to discover with running, there is purpose and self-definition outside of work and outside of theatre. What that means today and tomorrow as a less abstract concept is still to be discovered.
This answer changes sometimes, but in many ways I want to be a producer. In many other ways I want to be an artistic director/dramaturg/lighting designer/electrician/event planner/organizational guru/ assistant.
I have to explain about half of those answers to people, but today I pass to Oscar Hammerstein to explain to us what a producer does:
A producer is a rare, paradoxical genius: hard-headed, soft-hearted, cautious, reckless, a hopeful innocent in fair weather, a stern pilot in stormy weather, a mathematician who prefers to ignore the laws of mathematics and trust intuition, an idealist, a realist, a practical dreamer, a sophisticated gambler, a stage-struck child. That’s a producer.
Pet Peeve 53: When people type in all CAPS while criticizing
Exception to the rule: Anything that is written well enough to get the point across while giving enough disclaimers to not leave the recipient of the email/memo crying
I'm fairly tired, but the last day and a half have been so encouraging, I wanted to write about them. I almost didn't because I have had such trouble falling asleep lately and staying up past my tired time affects that, but then I read my friend's blog about how rewarding her day was and was reminded of how important it is to enjoy and appreciate the days that are positive.
I had a meeting this evening with the co-producer and director of the show I am working on for March. It was my first meeting with the director and a great opportunity to hear about his vision for the show and get a feel for his communication/work style. We all have our strengths and it is exciting to be able to appreciate such things in someone else. There was a time in my life when someone with a "different work style" translated into someone I had difficulty working with. Now I like to think it translates closer to someone who I just trust with other responsibilities. After the meeting we went to check out some props and weapons for the show and without getting too blah-blah-blah, I'll summarize the evening with: meeting production staff members, going through theatre storage [looove it], and getting the final confirmation from an actor- meaning the show is fulling cast makes for an incredibly encouraging night. Woo!
I think a lot of the calmness I felt throughout today came from finally catching up and organizing all of my emails last night. In one week I had received over 120 about the one show. I woke up and only had a couple of emails to reply to and they were new so when I had read and replied, I knew I was done and could close my mail. Oh! The joys of being organized. The more organizational systems I embrace the more I am able to act in the present. I had a successful afternoon including: a new script, a delicious soup, a successful marketing meeting, meeting prep for the evening meeting and more than my fair share of Disney songs. I'm beginning to think they might have had something to do with it.
Wednesday afternoon I dropped off my coat at the dry cleaners, ran some necessary errands for myself and others, received an ushering job for this weekend, and discussed the possibility of lighting a show in February. Productive followed by rewarding.
Things aren't perfect, but I feel like I might be able to stop looking for theatre work and just focus on what I have for a little bit. Of course, I still need to figure out how to fit in the other work so I can pay bills, but the moral is I won't feel guilty if I don't check backstagejobs.com every day I'm home. [I just still will]
And there is so much to look forward to! A meeting followed by work, tomorrow. There's a bit of work on Saturday and Sunday. Sunday night/Monday morning involves packing and riding the Megabus to Ohio to spend Christmas with my amazing family and friends... including 3 brides-to-be! There will be bridesmaid dress shopping, running buddies!, haircuts, apples-to-apples, alcohol at Ohio (or family) prices, catch up with old friends...
You get the idea, it's one of those 'up' times. I'd like it to be the same in the morning.
Follow your dreams. Believe in yourself. Do what makes you happy.
The difficult part of following this advice is knowing what your dreams are, who you are, and what will make you happy. For me, all of these things seem extremely variable and somewhat dependent on other things. Having work makes me happy because there are time when I don't. Spending time with my family makes me happy when I have additional things to do. I become restless easily and thus need a variety of projects and, as I like the call them... adventures.
Still, I continue to look for that one thing I am supposed to dedicate myself to. I was told by one of the theatre practitioners that I admire most that I could be great at any of the things I had listed to her if I focused on one. So, here I am, still flipping and flopping around, looking for The One.
Today I realized another reason why DSM wasn't right for me and why theatre management might be wrong for me altogether... Name Dropping. I don't know names and I don't feel bad about it. I know why they're important... they bring in a lot of people, but I don't want the excitement of names to overshadow the excitement for the story. I visit Playbill every day, but for the jobs, not for the names so I rarely know who is starring in what. As far as management or producing go... I want to use organizational systems to make efficient and effective environments in which purposeful art is be created. I don't know Betty or Susan or Joshua or Gerrard or.. whomever and they aren't what is important to me. I do care about how the story is told, so they matter in that respect. If Susan is the best person to tell the story... fabulous! I hope the director casts her.
In the long run this may mean I'm not meant to be in commercial theater in the US. I'll hold out hope that more purposeful theatre will enter that sector in time, but right now, I may need to concentrate my organizational self elsewhere. After all, I'm happy to put together lights for anyone, but when it comes to filing and answering phone calls for most of a 40 hour week, I can only happily do that for a project that has passion behind it. I also have to find the space in which I'm not surrounded by people who will gasp in disappointment when I don't recognize the first three actors' names. It wears me out to have my theatre practitioner identity consistently questioned because I don't know so-and-so... and I'd rather exert that energy they exhaust out of me teaching eighth graders what it means to have an objective.
The options for titles for this post are numerous, but the moral of the story is I need a 0-point week this week. I cannot remember the last time I ate this much food in one weekend. Even when I was in Texas in March I didn't eat this much. And now, at 1am [and 2:30am when I finished typing] I feel full. The chocolate chips I just had probably helped it. Although, let's rewind to get a full week in review.
Monday: work and interview [for a job I decided during the interview I didn't want] The working was great! It was my first time getting to actually hang instruments in a New York theater that required more than a house ladder. In fact, they required an incredibly rickety old 'cherry picker'. I have never been in one quite this... unstable? It also required you to hand pump it up at about 1-2" a pump so we left it at full height and climbed the ladder [attached] up to it. That said, it was one of the first times that when someone else went to go do it, and got nervous, they told that person not to worry about it because I'd go up. It was reverse freshman year and fabulous. That said, I think I missed out on a lot of learning by having people eager to take over things during college. That was then and this is now though so I'll digress. I love organizing and paperwork, but I had REALLY missed lights.
Tuesday: interview and additional work There was actually an additional call which I was able to attend a portion of. Yay! I had an interview in the morning and in the afternoon so I just worked between them. I know I didn't get the job that the first interview was for and I was pretty disappointed about it. It was a solid few days of work and for a project I thought sounded really cool. That said, there are plenty of qualified people out there and when it comes down to it, I'm kind of mediocre. I'm great in that I'm focused, friendly, and get things done, but I'm not the speediest, strongest, or most knowledgeable and I understand that. Things take time.
Wednesday: networking I went to an open house for a theatre company with a school. Meh. I don't know if I'm really at a place where I want to network in a networking setting. To do so well you really have to know what you want and what you offer. I know those things, but I'm not sure which things to showcase in such a setting. And, there were a variety of people there for different reasons and it just wasn't for me. Afterward I had some thai at Tara's Thai [I'm trying to do better remembering the names of places where I eat] with a friend and I must admit, I get so excited to see new friend(s)' living arrangements! This friend lives near St. Mark's and it was so exciting to see. I wish it wouldn't be weird to take pictures so I could sort of compare and contrast and show you... There are so many worlds in each of the five boroughs that it almost amazes me that there are even more worlds within those worlds... neighborhoods and homes and rooms...
Thursday: being mopey, followed by margaritas Thursday averaged out to being an okay day, but it was another one of those Ahhhhh! sort of days. I'm truly working on my professional patience, but budget sheets can make that hard to do. This was the day that I found out I didn't get the one Tuesday job and I had really begun to be enthusiastic about it. I also was working on a cover letter for a job I thought I really wanted and my computer froze... multiple times... while trying to save. It was discouraging. Luckily, my fabulous friend Sally and I got together and went to the Blockhead's on the UES and my day was saved. We sat at a 6 person table with couples on either sides. One was on a fabulously awkward first date. I ate too many chips and got a slight brain freeze, but just being around a friend's good energy made the cover letter issue become a little less important... you know, in the scheme of things.
Friday: Yay! I finished the cover letter that I'd written [3+xs] the day before. I ended up hand-writing it the last time the day before and then just typed it Friday. I love paper. I actually need new notebooks... small and legal size.
My brother arrived around lunch time. We had lunch and then journeyed off to the American Museum of Natural History. All this time and I'd never made it to the New York Natural History museum. I've been to London's and D.C.'s [just 2 weeks ago] and now New York's. I've spent between 2-5 hours in each of them so not enough to see everything in any of the museums, but I think I prefer London's. Both the displays and the cards were the most interesting. It was incredibly interactive and directed at various learning types. I think New York's had a lot of potential, but some sections could use revamping and the lack of context made it difficult for someone with my learning styles to remember much. That said, I enjoyed my time and still learned things!
We returned to Spanish Harlem and I made, what I thought, was a delicious version of this Cajun Pork and Pasta recipe. Of course, I had a little extra meat, used different pasta, added a fair amount of extra Cajun [when you love it, you love it], was lacking zucchini, didn't have red beans, didn't have a can of diced tomatoes so diced one of my roommates' and hoped for the best- knowing it was more, and wasn't sure what exaaaactly hot pepper sauce was so added some chili garlic thing my roommate had and just added more Cajun. I drank a full glass of milk after dinner just to calm down the Cajun lining my mouth, but I'd totally make it again.
Following dinner Cameron, Lindsay, Justin, and I played Uno [everyone won at least once except me] followed by Scattergories, during which I redeemed myself. Laughter, alcohol, games, friends... my favorite kind of night. I could be completely wrong, but it seemed like everyone else was fairly content with the evening's going ons as well.
Saturday: My brother, Justin and I slept in a bit and then met an Undergrad friend of his and her husband for lunch. I thought we were having lunch right away so didn't bother with breakfast. It was a mistake as we wandered around Chelsea Market and then the High Line. I also hadn't brought my work things with me so I needed to leave by 2:15 in order to get back in time. I was a little stressed as a result and didn't enjoy the High Line as much as I usually might. It's still pretty wonderful and I recommend a stroll along it to anyone.
We ended up eating lunch at a place just off of the current ending to the high line, around 19th-ish? I can't remember the name of the place off the top of my head, but I will say that I order a hamburg that came with pineapple on top... not a bad idea. Juicy. I would've preferred it sliced thinner so it would've been easier to eat, but it was still quite enjoyable. More and more I'm understanding so many people's desire to make the perfect hamburger. There are so many options it's understandable why there are so many restaurants that focus specifically on hamburgers. It's not even just a question of what to put on it, but what to put in it. Mmmmm...
Then, I went to work. Yay! I love being an electrician. I only was able to put four hours in, but that was enough for my weak little arms. While I could have and would have kept working and my weakness never [very rarely?] gets in the way of accomplishing anything, holding 50' cables and fixtures about your head for four hours will get you... especially if you're on a wobbly ladder so all of your muscles are tensed up anyways. That said, I really liked the people in the place that I worked and would like to return. I have a feeling that don't do a lot of overhiring, but it was a good Saturday afternoon.
Following work I re-met up with my brother at a little place called Resto on East 29th. His whole reasoning for coming into town was for a friend's birthday. Said friend lives in Norway and was celebrating his 40th birthday party. Gasp, I know, but he looked 28 so we all look passed it. Someone said it was the ideal black/asian mix. I don't know if that was his total background, but I have heard such mixes don't age. Sadly I can't contribute to that mix for any future generations. Anyways... There were about 20+ of us and we did what they called a "Large Format Feast". Essentially you eat a whole animal. Darryl wanted goat and goats are lean so we, as a group, consumed two entire goats. In case you have a weak stomach, I'll spare you all of the details, but for those of you who are curious: yes, there were eyes and tongue and the heads were presented, but no there were no testicles. There was a tiny bit of vegetables: broccoli and brussel sprouts included here and there, but for the most part it was just a lot of meat... and some delicious beer. Prior to dinner I drank a delicious Belgium bottled beer called 'La Botteresse'. Mmmmm. Dinner was followed by one of the best chocolate cakes I've tasted in America and I had enough to celebrate Darryl's birthday, my birthday [dinner was a bday present from my brother], and my Dad's birthday [which is today 11/14]. Happy Birthday everyone! We then moved locations and had more good conversation and I mostly just wanted to lay down. I had had some fuller beers and a lot of goat and cake. By the time we arrived home and approached 4am, I was quite ready for bed.
Oh! And, while I was out I, thanks to my handy dandy phone, I looked up the regional results and was absolutely THRILLED to discover that the Hope Girls' Cross Country team had advanced to Nationals as a team and Nate Love [25:20 in an 8k] had advanced as an individual. I believe, to advance as an individual you have to be in the top 7 of runners not on a team to advance... brutal. I'm not sure what you know about times, but all 7 of my women ran sub23 6ks. I hate to admit it, but I don't know if I ever even saw that as a realistic dream-goal for myself. I believe sub24 was the dreamer number for me.
Sunday: Justin asked me for a recommendation for lunch.. we were to meet up with his friend Eric, whose house I've actually been to! Although, to be honest, I rarely remember if I'm remembering people correctly, so I had to check and make sure he lived in Houston when I'd re-met him the evening before. I try, I really do make an effort to remember people. *sigh*
So, despite my stomach's desires, instinct was to suggest Lucky's... my favorite veggie burger place in Manhattan. I hear their regular burgers are also absolutely delicious. I thought it was just to be the three of us, but there ended up being 10. If I'd known I would've warned everyone that the ambiance is... bright. Very red. Very yellow. Afterward we conversed a bit more and I spent most of the time making faces at Claire, the baby. I said goodbye to my brother and the Texans and went home to reunite with my roommate who had beautifully cleaned the apartment. I appreciated it and then took a nap.
Long story short: Life's pretty fabulous and I should probably try to consume more salads this week.
I listen to this song more than anyone should: pt
Every time they say "baby girl" I think of my friend Joe. MGMT... Joe... who else makes me internally laugh when they say it?
I know the writer of this review of BLASTED and I wish I could see the show myself. This play is unbelievably brilliant... But keep your eyes out for the reviewer's writing in the future. She gives me hope in American writing.
Recovering from such a fabulous weekend has not been easy. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't as sleep deprived as some other years and there was no hangover or even slight dehydration, but as soon as Monday hit I felt behind and a little lost. I cleaned up the kitchen a bit and looked at jobs, but mostly I just stayed in bed.
Tuesday was an improvement with four resumes/cover letters going out and departure from the house Tuesday night! I went to see "Wasteland" with an actor from the last show I worked on; it was wonderful. If you have the chance to see it I recommend it... or at least do a bit of research on Vik Munez. The power of art, and even more so, the power of community, is beautiful.
On the way home there was a jovial bunch of kids talking and one brought up "The Sound of Music" and some singing occurred. It was much better than what is typically sung on the subway (by riders and by people looking for money) so I instantly knew they were performance majors. I then caught a glance of the one guy's bag that said 'Weathervane Playhouse'. Yup, he was from Akron and goes to school in Oberlin. Cue 'It's a Small World After All' round 4512.
Today has been another day of job searching in my PJs. I'm a bit lost with what I should do. I've applied to quite a few jobs that interest me and I'm perfectly qualified for, but nothing's looking promising. What do I do? It seems logical to get some sort of temporary position. However, I have yet to find a temporary position that doesn't require you to work over Thanksgiving weekend. I really wouldn't mind working over Thanksgiving weekend except I have already committed to going to Ohio over the Holiday and Macy's just isn't going to pay enough to justify giving up that plane ticket. I would apply to more of the box office/ushering/FOH jobs, but I already have committed to a Nov/Dec show that shows 3 Wed-Sunday weekends that would inevitably interfere with every other job. This leaves me to get a position for during the day. Now, as it stands now, I'd eventually like to be a producing director, but most assistant positions that seem to lead that way haven't been sending me positive vibes. So, I feel as though I might need to be looking for internship number 8, but the question is, 'Is that financially a realistic option?'. It depends on what happens with my evenings in January and I can't afford to wait. Do you see where this is going?
Then again, when I think about it, what I really want to do is encourage the growth of more communal atmospheres in order to fight loneliness so, maybe I just need to broaden my search. It's not so much an issue of lowering standards as it is widening them.
In other news, my parents sent me chocolate and even though it was WW, I still ate waaaay too much of it this afternoon. Time to curl up in bed and get back to the job search.
This summer I saw Thornton Wilder's Our Town for the first time. Oberlin's Summer Theatre did an excellent job of it and I had a great evening with my good friend, Lizzy. The set was simple (often, the most difficult to create) and it allowed the play to breathe. Last night I saw Will Eno'S MIDDLETOWN at the Vineyard Theatre. Let me prefix by saying this: I love the Vineyard. The people there are fabulous and I had the opportunity to observe a large portion of the preview process for a show last fall that I fell IN LOVE with. So, I have a certain expectation of the Vineyard. It is not to blow me away, but to give space and to believe that your audience is intelligent enough to get it, but your actors are talented enough to play it. And, the Vineyard did not disappoint.
In many ways, like I was warned, MIDDLETOWN was a bit of a 'modernized Our Town'. I had a lot of the same feelings throughout the shows. At no point was I surprised. There were a couple of times when I wondered which route would be chosen, but it was never an actual surprise. However, I was challenged, just a bit. What do I want out of life? Of course, I've thought about this often... especially during the time leading up to graduation and since. I can not remember a time when I didn't think about that... that, or what does life want out of me? It's not the same question.
The script was full of quotable text and I think it's a production worth doing for quite a few reasons.
1. So you have the script. I have intentions of acquiring it for my own bookshelf. 2. It gives room for a discussion during the show process for the people involved (and then later, the people viewing). We're all walking around with these stories, but sometimes we need a motivating reason to tell them. Plan to talk a little bit about the show afterward, you may need some digestion. It's not that we are all afraid to share our stories normally- some are, some aren't, but rather life, like a good essay, flows if one event leads into another. 3. It gives room to accept what is. Paraphrased: The sun doesn't know how hot it is, it just goes around being orange. 4. The 'searching tourists' have a point. It IS kind of fun sitting in the limited seating seats. You see a different show, it's something else and sometimes you just need that. The things that have potential to be monumental... 5. It's nice seeing all the people you know on stage 5. It reminded me of my senior seminar life view presentation when I declared I want to fight the battle against loneliness. I think that's what all of this is about... the 'It Gets Better Campaign,' Imnotsorry.net, the rally, theatre... all these things that I believe in. I don't want any of us to have to be lonely. 6. It begins the way every show should begin and in many ways, it's a prologue without giving it all away. [This should probably be closer to the top because I loved it!]
In order to not give too much away, I'll let that be. My advice is this: Go see the show. For dates and such, visit the website... There are $20 rush tickets 2 hours before curtain (aka. 6:00pm). Don't go in with giant expectations of being blown away, just remain open and present. Give yourself room.
ps. This was one of the first times I've been excited to see someone I knew from movies on stage... I have only seen Heather Burns play fairly similar characters, but she does the niche incredibly well. And Georgia Engel!! The cast was stacked... in the best kind of way.
pps. I like previews because my brain isn't as harsh on the lighting designer since I know how much change happens between the first preview (this past Wednesday) and opening (November 3rd)
We don't know if it's because of the way we look at the world, searching for the positive, or if it's because life is this way, but my mom, sister, and I have all had conversations (in the last month-ish) about how wonderful things are. There's a sort of fear or nervousness that the other shoe will drop soon, but we have to appreciate the beauty and peace that has been in our lives in the present and recent past whether some fancy footwear is waiting for its moment or not.
Don't get me wrong, things aren't perfect. There are still "friends" who don't return phone calls, co-workers who don't communicate, people who get upset for what feels like no reason at all, and things that get seemingly made up just to feed the fires of negativity. However, the amount of love that has surrounded my family recently fills us with joy rather than the other, less favorable emotions.
This summer has been wonderfully good to me. I was uncertain how returning to Amherst would be after graduation, but I found my fit into summer skin and am surrounded by great people once again. I work with a dedicated group and help to create amazing children's theatre. There's a younger group in the morning and an older group in the afternoon. The 33 2nd-5th graders can be exhausting, but they have something to give to the art. The 17 6th-8th grade girls do an impressive job of supporting each other and consistently reminding me what a blessing a creative space can be. And, they let me be silly and productive at the same time. Those two hours of my day are often my favorite and I am super excited for next weekend when the kids finally get their chance in the spotlight.
July 30th (Friday) and 31st (Saturday) Cinderella's Glass Slipper (6:00 pm) and School House Rock Live Jr. (8:30 pm) at Amherst High School Cafetorium
They're fun shows... you should come see them! Let me know if you'd like more details :) Come help us move on Sunday [10AM at the Jr. High] if you want a sneak peak at the props ;)
In addition to being a part of 2 successful productions I have had social time! Jeni, Mike, Jenkins, Evan, & Tim have taken me into their group and let me feel like I have effortless friends again. Just last night Jeni, Jenkins, and I went to see Sandstone's opening night of "Children of Eden" (which was great, fyi). I visited with some audience, orchestra, tech, and cast members and then remet them, along with Mike & Evan, up at Church Street. It's fabulous to be able to sit and enjoy good company and unusual conversations!
I have also been able to catch up with a few other friends from high school! Lizzy was in from Maryland/DC area and we went to Oberlin's production of "Our Town". I had never seen "Our Town" and was amazed by how much I enjoyed it and, despite it being done so often, it still manages to spark something. I also had a chance to see Christy before she left for Togo (today!!). And, my saving grace, and the reason I have grown too wide for all of my clothes, Tealla has been around this summer. We run a few mornings a week. While 6am is rough, Alyssa and Jessica have even been able to join us a few days. I wish I could take them all with me every time I move. They're great motivators and patient, but pressing running buddies. We understand the team aspect of an individual sport and there aren't many people who do.
Until a week ago I hadn't had the chance to see any college friends since I left Jackie in Seattle. Amazingly Kent's family stayed in a hotel down the street from me on their drive to the East Coast and he called me! I gave him a "tour" of Amherst which included nearly hitting a deer by crown hill and swinging at Powers..Obviously the later was the more enjoyable. Seeing Kent made college feel less like a figment of my imagination. I have had the chance to skype with Jeri, skype chat with Meghan, and phone Jackie B. I have also kept up (to extent) with friends on facebook, which I'm grateful for. It's amazing to have people in Nagpur (India), Chicago, and Seattle supporting your adventures. Then again, they're having amazing adventures so there is no way I couldn't support theirs! And these three are only a small portion of the multitudes... While Hope's public statements may be a bit 'over religious' for me and the anti-choice and anti-rights vibes may be a bit discouraging, the school attracted some amazing people who have helped me form into a more balanced being and I can't appreciate that enough.
This summer has, as desired, been a great chance to spend time with my family. I was able to spend the weekend JEFF PROPOSED TO MY SISTER with them. I was able to help my Grandparents move. I have had the chance to see all of my Dad's brothers and even saw my Aunt Janice in May. My sister's marriage (September 2011) also means more family! Anna Jo came to Ohio for a little over a week and during that time she picked a place for the reception AND found her wedding dress!!! She looks absolutely gorgeous... there will not be a dry tear at that wedding. My sister has always been beautiful, but it's exciting to see her in a dress that brings out the presence and a sparkle in her eye. Jeff's parents and sister, along with my parents and I were all able to look at the reception location. We all agree it is perfect. And, my sister, moved up her shopping date (she originally planned on waiting a bit longer) so I could be there, along with Mrs. Karp, Amanda, and my mom to shop for dresses with her. It was really cool to be able to all be there to support my sister. It all became a little more real when she put that crazy veil on.
And while veils aren't even something I can begin to fathom trying on at this point in my life, I do have an increasingly wonderful relationship with a friend of mine. It's nice to have a healthy relationship... It's nice to get warm fuzzies so regularly.
Oh! And I received a call for an interview in New York this past Monday (while we were dress shopping). The fact that the interview is a little delayed gives me a bit of a negative feeling, but it was encouraging to get a phone call. Obviously the woman didn't have my undivided attention, sooooo... I'll see where it goes and probably call them on Monday if I don't hear anything.
Yes, yes, New York! I'm moving to New York! A friend from high school, her boyfriend, and I are moving into a lovely apartment in East Harlem. After I emailed her about my 4-person dish set, wok, soup pan, noodle getter, rolling pin, measuring cups, bread pan, salt & pepper shakers, cups, whisk, 13x9 pan, 8" pyrex dish w/lid, cookie sheet, muffin tin, angel food cake pan, "lean, mean, fat grilling machine" and a few other things.... we realize our kitchen will be doubly-stocked in many respects, but hey! I like to cook, she likes to cook, both of our boyfriends like to cook... we need to be prepared. Plus, people living on strict budgets can't be going out to eat too often!
I am very excited for my return to New York. When I walked down 8th Avenue over the Fourth of July weekend I remembered why I liked that place so much. It's neat to feel so tiny and yet so a part of things. I'm a little nervous about the job stuff, but I'm trusting in something that it'll work out. You can only do so much, so, you do those things and stay positive and appreciative of the people who keep things possible.
Since I was running a bit behind this morning I ate my breakfast as I walked to the theater. On my way home [around 7:00] I walked home with my oatmeal bowl and fork in my bag. They occasionally bumped against each other, making a small clanking noise as I walked. I passed two underclassmen boys and they looked at each other. Once a few steps away one said to each other "party (pronounced with an exaggerated long e)! You can hear those glass bottles clanking" with a slight sound of envy. Glass bottles for a crazy Saturday night or the results of morning cue-to-cues... similar enough.
Today was the first day of tech and [knock on wood] it felt fairly successful. There will inevitably be problems and frustrations as tech continues, but getting up to intermission [as planned] is a good feeling or day 1. Tomorrow the lighting kids will go in a bit early and we'll do some more cueing and then tech day two will start just after lunch. I feel really good about this show. Daina did a fabulous jobs with cuts and the first half didn't even drag in tech... which just gives you a hint on how it's going to feel in real time. This is incredibly encouraging as my parents are coming up next weekend to see the show and my sister is coming up the following weekend. I think they'll enjoy it. Plus the set and lights are beautiful so... :) Many Shakespeare plays take the first fourth to get a grasp on the language. I feel as though this cutting and acting of Much Ado About Nothing makes Shakespeare incredibly accessible.
Today was a fairly enjoyable day, so things to be thankful for... Blueberry Muffin Oatmeal Pickles Sharing Peanut Butter M&Ms Skittles to help get the taste of french fries out of your mouth Eating french fries for the first time this semester and realizing I'd be okay not eating them again for quite a long time Discovering that I can still hear people on my phone if the headphones are in [so it's not a COMPLETE catastrophe that the regular speakers aren't working] Light cues looking pretty Easy notes post tech day 1 Writing notes Getting Laundry done [who doesn't love clean clothes?!] Acknowledging how much I learned through last semester's internship... particularly about protocol [and silence]. I'm incredibly fortunate. Feeling 10,000xs better due to some removal of sleep debt
I understand that my expectations of my life in Amherst have to be different than my expectations of my life have been for awhile. I will no longer hear drunks in the hall outside my door, but I will have a cat who, if she doesn't fall asleep in my room, sometimes even on my bed, will meow in the hall outside of my room until I wake up in the morning... just to say hello.
Two days ago I started doing some pilates and yoga stuff. It kinda killed me, but I did a little more yesterday, after my run. I ran a steady five miles yesterday, including 5 of the park hills and the long hill going up to the 5 points. I also ran on Saturday. If I could run tomorrow I'd have a little every-other-day thing going. That'd be a start... I didn't really get out today, but it was my own fault. I hadn't prepared well for my first production meeting so I spent a lot of time on that this morning. Nothing I worked on was needed for the production meeting, but it will be needed on the 11th and I do need to get moving or else I might overstress on the 15th (day 1 of real rehearsal).
The production meeting went well. It was nice to see Abby and Corey again. It'll be interesting to work with Frank, the director because he pre-blocks most things. It's been awhile since I've worked with a director who does that. I have never been on the production side of a musical though so that will also be interesting! I have a good feeling about this and am excited for production to begin.
I am still day-jobless. I am going to make some phone calls tomorrow... let's hope for the best.
So I got in a proactive mood again tonight and made some phone calls. I am now hanging out with Amy (D) tomorrow and Melissa (D) on Thursday. I already had plans to see Christy (M) on Saturday and Jill (C) on Monday. I caught up with Trevor for a bit online, while talking on the phone to Melissa. It was great to catch up with both of them. I was going to stop over a friend's house this evening. I drove in her direction, but she didn't answer my phone calls. Instead I texted another friend who has called me a couple times recently, but he had to work at 6A (and it was around 11) so instead I went to Powers to swing by myself.
Anyone who has known me since high school on- knows about my love for swings. I especially like the swings at Powers because so many great conversations with good friends have occurred on them... Christy... Lizzy... Ian... Chris... Aaron... I just have a lot of good memories from these swings. I even spent some time on prom night on the swings... and I rang in 2007 on those swings. Well, I swung for a little bit. Then I decided that human beings are nothing like caterpillars and butterflies. I also realized that the trick isn't not needing people, but rather not needing people who don't treat you well. In a phone conversation earlier this evening I articulated that to a friend, but I don't think I understood the importance of what I said until I stood in the dark, talking to-- whomever... whatever. Sometimes the air is the best sound board you could ever dream up.
Yes, I think I understand now. And I feel good.
Note Added Later: I think the reason I didn't understand before is because I wanted everyone in my life. It's not that I don't want this still... I just understand that you should spend your time on people who want your time spent on them... This doesn't mean you should give up on a friend just because he or she is busy, it just means to keep your eyes and heart open... I think...
I still don't have it figured out. 20 years isn't that long to be working on this...
Back to original entry...
I think I also feel good because I finally created the facebook group I've been thinking about for the last couple of days. Amy helped me come up with the name for it. MJ Moluse: Too Pretty to Retire. We invited a whole bunch of people and I will write the names of all the people who accepted the group invite on either a giant thank you card or a bunch of small thank you cards (I haven't quite decided yet). In just 3 hours 40 people have joined. What did I expect? That woman is amazing!
A few days ago I posted on fb that I was officialy accepted into the GLCA NY Arts semester for Fall 2009, but didn't really specify what that meant. The link is to their site.
GLCA= Great Lakes College Association. It is a group of smaller colleges that coordinate domestic and abroad programs. It is to create large opportunities for small schools. Their program in New York organizes full-time internships for students in the arts: dance, theatre, visual and musical. They have program housing in Chelsea* which houses all (or at least all that desire to live there and fit) of the arts students.
When I first applied to Ohio Wesleyan and Hope this program was one of the main reasons I was drawn to them. I had always hoped to spend a semester in London and one in New York, but it didn't truly hit me until I received my official email that yes, this was really going to happen. I am truly blessed and have a great group of supportive friends, family, professors and co-workers and that have helped me in a zillion ways to make this possible. As you can imagine, it was a bit chaotic applying for this program while already off-campus, but my professors writing letters of recommendations sent them right in and my professor who coordinates the program at my school sent in all my information right away. Plus my good friend Rachel took care of a bunch of things and turned in forms for me. Plus my parents and siblings calming my worries, haha. It couldn't have been made much easier! Thanks!!
The next step is the interview. Now that I am in the program I need to find someone to intern for. Based on your CV/resume and letter of intent that you send in with your application the program sets you up with internships they think will fit the skills you possess and the ones you intend to develop. I am currently in the process of discussing with the program coordinator where I might interview. I return to states around the 13th of May and will go to New York to interview the following week. The program then starts at the beginning of September and finishes in mid-December like a typical college semester. This program will count for my Theatre 495 which is needed for my theatre major.
Many people have suggested I do this internship in the Spring so as not to lose my contacts from networking. However, there are a couple of classes which I need to complete for my degree which cannot be taken in the fall. As a result I will spend the next semester in NY and then return to Hope (after being gone just over a year) to finish my BA in theatre. After that... well, we'll have to see...
If you would like to visit me in New York, I would love that. New York is much closer than London... <3
About a week or two ago I received a "facebook event request" to attend The Rose and the Rime with the Hope College theatre dept. and alumni. The event was announced in the theatre newsletter which I still receive while here in London. This evening I received an email from The House (I'm on their mailing list) about the production. As I was reading an entry written on The House blog by Brandon, a Hope graduate who acted in the original production, I became incredibly nostalgic. Rose and the Rime was one of the major affirmations of my career choice. The workshops pre-Rose and the community that continued to grow during the production cemented my belief that theatre is an art form worth investing in. I remember one particular day in the studio theatre: I was in the center and... to be honest, I can't even remember what we were doing exactly, but I can remember when the exercise was over feeling very empty and yet complete at the same time. There were so many days in the Herrick Room when I realized I was finally comfortable. I would leave the room and the reality of what I was going through relationship-wise in the Spring of 2007, would exist again. However, for those hours.. however long or short they may have been... for that time, I was who I wanted to be. It still took me awhile to figure out how to spend time with the people outside of the room (also known as how to make real friends), but in the mean time, something was right. There were even times when I was not involved in the process and was able to feel what was. One day I was walking through Dewitt to peak into rehearsal. It was one of the days when they were working on Jimmy's song. Everyone had their instruments and Nathan was sharing some of the words. There was laughter and cheer, yet a focus that felt so pure... even from the hallway. Nights like that reaffirm my purpose. I have yet to figure out how to create that greatness, rather than just acknowledge it, but that feeling, that connection, that community... that is the goal.
I need to figure out how to articulate that in my cover letter...
P.S. I think I am jealous of The House. They are taking this production that, even though I didn't act in or design for, I was part of-- and was part of me even more... They're taking it and-- well that's all, it's theirs now. It goes like this, you know how sometimes you fall in love with someone and when the relationship ends you continue to be in love with the person you originally fell in love. Well it's like that, this play that was so much more than your usual relationship, has left me-- it was time, but still, it left... and now someone else gets to spend time with her/him/it. I am doing my best to trust that they are treating it well. Carolyn wrote this about the show and the theatre. It reminded me that in reality, the community is just expanding... and besides, The House came first. They expanded their community, which originated some where else and now it's expanding it back to them. They will reach new people with a world that I called my own. It's still my day at show-and-tell... someone else is just doing the showing and telling for me.
P.P.S. I love The House and I wish I could see their production and be part of their company, their community and the show, all over again.
