Sunday, June 28, 2009

A Previous Life

Sometimes when I am not sure how I feel about where I am I try to put myself somewhere I have already been. I was laying here - feeling confused with the present state of my self and the world, when I went back to The Czech- Kostelecke Horky to be exact. And I was thinking about the campfire ring. Outside of the old school house where the offices were upstairs and we slept and cooked downstairs, we had a fire pit. We used it for practical purposes: getting rid of debris we'd cleared, cooking dinner (mmmm... potatoes), and sitting by it at night. We'd watch the stars come out, with Kozels in our hands.

The time was slow in the Czech. During our breaks I would sit and time didn't really exist. We would drink some tea, use the restroom if needed, and then sit for a bit. When we were ready, we went back to cutting fire wood or pulling weeds. Some things had to be done: the goats had to go inside before it was dark and the chickens needed to be fed. Other than that, things could be done, and were done, but there was no unnecessary pressure. Of course, the animals were more Henrike's (and the other long-term volunteers when they arrived) job, but I was given the chance to help once or twice.

I had a lot of time to just sit while at the volunteer work camp. There weren't too many things to do. You had to go to the next village down to find a pub. You had to travel a couple villages to get to the store. When you have less things with you, there are less things to worry about. You have a book, you read it. You only have what you can manage. Why would you need more? When you weren't reading or writing you could play a game with some of the other volunteers. We all taught each other different card and board games we knew. Many of the games weren't terribly different from Korea to Ukraine, but it was always fun to learn. When I was tired of socializing and was done journaling, I could just lay outside. The weather was nice for majority of my time in Czech. I would lay outside and it was okay to get dirty. The ground was there to lay on.

Sometimes I watched snails. Snail-watching was one of my favorite things. There were snails in the garden by the school and they were wonderful, wonderful snails. They were so curious and so attentive to every detail. I always knew I'd like snail watching, but haven't had the chance in the recent past. I often felt connected to the Earth in The Czech. I even saw my first (to memory) wild, long-eared hares one morning while running. Who knew they were so tall?

I miss camp fires and Korean rice (Although they were not often together). I miss goats and crowded trains. I miss campfires, turtles, new friends, and snails. I miss walking through fields and meeting people who communicate, regardless of your language.

Friday, June 26, 2009

What do you have Against Learning?

I believe in libraries. I grew up loving Summer Reading Programs. I enjoyed reading, but the summer reading programs were extra motivation to read a lot over the summer. This is a great way for kids to not fall behind in school. When the next Fall comes up, and the school year starts, their minds won't be mush. For a variety of reasons I agree with the statement that "Summer Reading Programs Save Lives". Perhaps that's drastic for you?
There is no denying that in many cities libraries are the only source of free internet that the community has. In times when less people are able to afford computers and internet access, this service helps people find jobs and construct resumes.
While private grants could help to support the libraries, I believe they need to stay public to continue the guarantee of equal access to everyone.

The following is taken from the Library Council website.

Why are Ohio public libraries in trouble?

At a news conference on Friday, June 19, the Governor proposed a cut to state funding for public libraries of $227.3 million in fiscal years 2010 and 2011 as part of his plan to fill the $3.2 billion gap in the budget that must be balanced by the Ohio General Assembly's Conference Committee by June 30.

The proposal amounts to a 30% cut in funding for Ohio's public libraries. This cut is in addition to the 20% reduction in funding that libraries are already facing, because their funding comes from 2.22% of the state's declining General Revenue Fund.

Libraries could close or face significant reductions in operations as a result of the Governor's proposal. With some 70% of the state's 251 public libraries relying solely on state funding to fund their operations, the reduction in funding will mean that many will close branches or drastically reduce hours and services.

The Governor's proposed funding cuts come at a time when Ohio's public libraries are experiencing unprecedented increases in demands for services. In every community throughout the state, Ohioans are turning to their public library for free high speed Internet access and help with employment searches, children and teens are beginning summer reading programs, and people of all ages are turning to the library as a lifeline during these difficult economic times. Ohio's public libraries offer CRITICAL services to those looking for jobs and operating small businesses. Public libraries are an integral part of education, which Governor Strickland says is critical to the state's economic recovery. But it is unlikely that many of Ohio's public library systems, especially those without local levies, can remain open with these proposed cuts.

About 30% of Ohio's public libraries have local property tax levies that supplement the state's funding. However, with the Governor's proposed drastic cuts in the state funding for libraries, even those libraries will face decisions regarding substantial reductions in hours of operation, materials, and staffing.

So what can you do?
Please join the facebook group.

And then call or email the governor and your Representatives:

Governor Ted Strickland: 614-466-3555 or 614-644-4357
Online Contact

Senator Bill Harris, President of the Senate: 614-466-8086

Senator John Carey, Chairman of the Senate Finance Committee: 614-466-8156

Representative Armond Budish, Speaker of the House: 614-466-5441

Representative Vernon Sykes,Chairman of the House Finance Committee: 614-466-3100

Save Our Libraries. Save our place for free, unrestricted self-motivated LEARNING.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

On and On

It's a long story, but a long-time friend has ex-communicated me. It's a strange occurrence because usually when friends and I stop talking it is a gradual process. I understand his rationale, there's logic, but I can't help, but be sad. I miss him.

On a happier note:
This weekend is going to be wonderful! Tealla comes home tomorrow so we can run together on Saturday. After we run I am going to rush home, shower and jump on the road to Port Clinton. I will meet up with Melissa for lunch between her jobs. Then I will continue on to a Detroit area suburb where I will meet up with Tim and Michelle who I haven't seen since... I saw Tim in December, but I can't honestly remember when I last saw Michelle.

In other news, yesterday's lunch with MJ was wonderful. I could have talked to her for quite a bit longer.

I had an interview yesterday, but they said they probably weren't hiring any more college students. While I have no retail experience, I still hope they change their minds.

Once Upon a Mattress is going really well. As long as the enthusiasm keeps up and the actors sing LOUD on show nights, it's going to be a great, fun show. I hope you are able to come see the show: July 23rd, 24th, and 25th at 7:00 p.m.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Blogging for the General Public

I was looking at IES blogs and Lynsey, who traveled abroad in the Fall of 2008, wrote this. If you replace the city "Amsterdam" with "London" I think she worded pretty accurately my feelings about my IES blog as well.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

What's My Age Again?

Megan call me last night. She was going to the high school cross country practice and wanted to know if I wanted to go. I said sure and showed up this morning. I ran with her for a bit and then ran with Julia for the rest of the run. It was a good run. I don't know most of the people, but they're all crazy, little, and friendly as usual. I was sitting on the grass talking to three sophomores and two freshmen about their up-coming schedules. As it turned out I knew almost none of the teachers they had because so many of mine retired. At one point I asked the girls their names and one said her name and then said, "oh, you probably know my brother though..." She told me his name and not a single bell rang. I asked what year he graduated. She explained he was a senior this year. So... her older brother, who, to her, seems quite a bit older, was in 8th grade when I graduated. We never met, haha.

However, I am 20. I'm sticking to the rational that I am not old at all. I mean, when I go into bars in NY I will be the youngest person most of the time. And even 10-15 years when I'm not the youngest... oh well, it's all relative. And to myself, I am juuust right.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

One More Time With Feeling

At what point do you give up on a friendship? Good friends are hard to find and important to keep, but what about friends who are-- who were good friends, but now are something else. They're not bad friends. They don't do mean things. They simply aren't around. They are in the same postal code, but they just don't call or make an effort. You try to make efforts in hopes of maintaining a friendship, but there is no reply.

When do you stop dialing?

It doesn't mean I'll stop picking up, but answering machines just aren't worth the dialing.

Friday, June 19, 2009

2 Bowls of Cereal into the Day

"It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song.
You can't believe it; you were always singing along.
It was so easy, and the words so sweet.
You can't remember; You try to feel the beat."

You can spend a lot of time sleeping, waking up to run, running with a friend, falling back asleep, prepping for rehearsal, going to rehearsal, socializing with your parents, and going back to bed. It's essentially all I've done for the last couple of days.

I have to finish the props list and my prompt book this weekend. I'm not sure when to do that, but it will get done. I don't mind spending lots of time on shows that are filled with positive people. I know we're only a week into rehearsals, but the show is fun and it makes it much easier to stay excited about it. You should come see it at the end of July.

I know a family where things are a bit off in the house. The children hide from the chaos in different things. The oldest girl hides in her boyfriend. The middle boy hides in drugs. The youngest girl hides in books. For some reason, the youngest is the only one the mother seems worried about.
There are four toddler girls whose mother doesn't eat and who rarely feeds them.
While we can only change ourselves. At times, reality is disappointing to me.

My Dad left yesterday with a friend to go camping in the Adirondacks. I don't know if you have ever looked at a map of of 'em, but the biggest national park in the US takes up about a third of the state of New York. Looking at the potential trails with him made me want to go camping and to go hiking up mountains.

It's 7:30 in the morning. My mom and I stayed up until almost 2 last night. I was going to run a race this morning, but Julia, who I was going to run with woke up late and I think it's a sign I can go back to bed. She has kept me motivated the last two days. We ran 45 minutes on Thursday and 50 on Friday (including 4 strides and six hills... including Crown Hill). Part of me knows I should just go run the 5k and get it out of the way. Instead I will promise myself in the next month I will run a 5k. The day before the race I won't run hills either. Perhaps I'll register early to guarantee myself I will run it. Plus, I will save a few dollars and maybe get a t-shirt out of the deal. I don't think I would have received a t-shirt today. $18? I deserve a t-shirt. Given, the attendance will probably be low due to the rain and I might've won something really cool in the raffle, but another day... Promise.

Disappointingly, I have a feeling the Chalk Walk will be canceled given today's rain.
Oh well, there are rain dates.
I'll stay home, be productive and listen to Regina Spektor's spectacular new CD.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009


As dangerous as this may be to say (don't want to jinx anything), my first summer in Ohio has not been so boring. The first month in the States has, like so many other months of my life, flown by. I am still day-jobless, but am a bit burnt out from the pursuit. I do, however, have my nights filled and a project or two in late June/July.

My last two weekends have been wonderful. The week between the two included some time with friends and even a trip down to Akron to see Mike. Mike, was a senior when I was a freshman in high school. I, like most other girls in theatre, had a crush on him and constantly looked to him for reassurance- which he consistently gave. Six and a half years later I am slightly more knowledgeable and he is still as wonderful as ever (and on his way to a PhD). Woo! I like seeing mike and it was a well needed trip, as it has been a year or two since we last got together. There was nothing of urgency to do or say so we just hung out. We got something to eat, took his dog for a walk, and sat on his front porch. Porch sitting is one of my favorite activities so this was a great way to spend an evening.
Seeing him reminded me of the importance of growing. Something I have consciously struggled with since returning to the States is how to not go backwards. I prefer who I was March-May to the person whom I was most of the time before. I want to continue to positively change. When I couldn't name the characteristics of the self I was in late Spring, Mike asked me what did I do?
I didn't immediately have an answer, but in the next week I thought about this question. What did I do? After all, people's picture of you is painted by your actions more than your thoughts. I came up with a small list and I am feeling better about it. After all, I am living an amazing part of my life. There isn't a string tying me down that can't be easily undone. When will I ever have this again? I should enjoy it, savour it.

I visited Mike on the 10th of June, the same day I dropped off the notes and cards in MJ's school mailbox. It's a great feeling to think someone is finally getting some of her good back- and you're helping. I have since received a wonderful thank you from her and we shall get together soon :)

That Thursday/Friday were auditions. We ended up extending them to Monday to get a few more people. They went really well. It's great to have so many excited people involved. We could still use a couple boys if you know any.

Mid-week I hit a lonely spell, but it was short-lived and while I have to stay fully in the present and very proactive, I think I can fight the re-occurrence.

Coming off that (mostly) positive week, I was excited for the weekend. My sister was coming home and we (along with our parents) were going to a wedding that Saturday. Friday, Mom and I stayed up and cleaned out her closet. Around 130 my parents and I went to the train station and picked up my sister. I woke up, went on another slow run and then prepped for the wedding.
If you remember the Card Group, usually referred to around Christmas when we have our progressive dinner, the wedding was for one of the members of the card Group, Melissa. Melissa is the older sister of the friend who showed me around NYC in January.

It was a beautiful wedding. It was great, not just because the bridal party was gorgeous and the reception food was delicious, but because the Bride and Groom radiated happy, loving energy. They made a great effort to socialize with all their guests and had a great task force behind them to make sure things ran smoothly. The wedding was especially enjoyable for me because it was one of the few that I knew a large percent of people. I had a great time dancing and catching up here and there with people I only see a few times each year.

That night my family slept over at a family friend's house and stayed up past 3 a.m. playing games and just having a good time. Inevitably, when the lights went out, I passed out. My brain had stopped functioning an hour or two before.

The next morning I dropped my sister off at the bus station to go back to Chicago. The bus stop is near where a mall used to be. The mall is currently being torn down. It is a very cool sight. I wish a few plays could be performed in the area before they tore it all down.

Afterward I joined my parents at the post-wedding brunch. It was nice to have another day with these friends (and in regular clothes- how I recognize them). It's a hard group to explain. They're all wonderful people, similar to family, but slightly crazier and more-- more something. It's nice to have them. They're a bonus group most people aren't lucky to have. I don't know who swallows the goldfish at those weddings :)

After the brunch my parents and I went to my Grandparents' house. I showed my Grandma my scrapbook and she let me take one of her sewing machines home to work on some projects! Did I mention this summer wouldn't be boring?! It's always good to see my grandparents. I am going to visit them again this weekend.

When I arrived home, I went to a friend's graduation party where I was reminded of my embarrassing lack of ability to throw a frisbee... and of my age. I didn't expect to know many people there. Jess and I ran together and I knew there wouldn't be a particularly large amount of old runners (the people I'd know). However, everyone at my table was someone-I-knew's younger sister. Ikes. Even the boyfriend of my friend is a kid I graduated with's younger brother.

Monday and Tuesday I ran with Tealla. I think I need new shoes. They were rough runs: embarrassingly slow. Perhaps I'll be faster when I see T again in two weeks.

Monday went well at theatre. Four more people auditioned and everyone else helped move things from the barn. Tuesday we did a read-through and there seemed to be a lot of excitement for this funny show. I'm looking forward to working with this great group of people. I've heard people say they don't want to commit to doing the show and lose their social life. I'm not sure who they have been doing theatre with, but I think that if it's true, it's a great exchange.

So I've been spending good times with wonderful people and trying not to sleep too late recovering from late night hangouts, productive evenings or late night reading sessions.

Recently completed: Boys Will Put You on a Pedestal (So They Can Look Up Your Skirt): A Dad's Advice for Daughter
Currently Reading: The Portable Nietzsche
Listening to: Beirut

Monday, June 8, 2009

Reflections on a seventh grader...

If there's one thing you may know about me, it's that I document a larger percent of my life than most regular people. I scrapbook, I blog, I journal, I make charts and graphs and- okay, not graphs and only one chart, but the point is, I keep track of things. I always have. I have journaled since I was able to write.

This evening, as I still cannot fall asleep, I decided to reorganized my present bags and tissue paper. As I was doing this next to my bed I came across one of the boxes I have filled with cards and old notes which was under my bed. Most of these notes were from 6th-8th grade. If I was anyone else and was reading half of those notes I would think that internet lingo has taken over the world and that I lied when I said I enjoyed Jr. High and had great friends. Some of the notes were good, and sort of funny. I wrote books to poor Pam. Yet, some of the journal entries weren't books. Rather short bits of stories about why I was sad. Sometimes it was because I was just crazy and obsessive. Yes, I admit it, I was boy crazy in Jr. High. I'm not sure if I get addicted or obsessive. What is the difference? Sometimes it was because people were downright mean. I suppose I am just realizing that while my Jr. High bad days aren't anything compared to some people's horror stories, I had Jr. High issues. People made fun of me and hurt my feelings. I had friends making out with my crushes and I was occasionally helping those same friends with their homework. It was an odd-odd world.

So I write this for two reasons. One being that if you are a parent or are one in the future, take anything you find snooping with a grain of salt. Matter of fact, it might be a good idea to write down what you remember about now and then, now. It's hard to remember how strange, sad and yet occasionally awkwardly fine you were.
And two, to repeat that I am happy with where I am. While I would like to stay in college a little longer (but not incur more debt) I am learning. I have figured out how to better handle most of the situations I was once in. And, while my stories are still long, they've gotten better. Is that bad to admit? That they were once worse? Hahaha. And if you want to know what my family had to eat during their vacation to Maine, I'm sure it's in the archives somewhere.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Trinity Sunday

Happy Trinity Sunday!

Today my church celebrated its 50th anniversary. We had many of our founding members with us as well as most of our past pastors and/or their children. Elizabeth, the Synod Bishop and all of our past organists (we have only had 3 in our 50 year history... one for 45 of those years) were also there. Trinity did a great job of publicizing our "Unity Sunday" and has had many events leading up to this one. We mixed all of the services together and had one crowded parking lot. The pews were filled in the best kind of way. I haven't been to Trinity in 6 months so it was also nice to catch up. My parents have been out of town a lot so they were also grateful for the opportunity. The synod Bishop gave a great sermon and referenced how close knit, yet open and friendly our congregation seems (and is). It really is a wonderful thing to be a part of.

After the service we went to "Vermilion on the Lake," which is where, 50 years ago, our church was born. It was actually used as a dance hall at night and every Sunday morning they'd bring in the pulpit and the alter and wipe down and move out the tables. At VOL we had prayer, lunch, awards and a variety of speakers. It was interesting to hear "old timers" reflect on the beginnings and others to reflect on the progression. I had a great time laughing and catching up with some of my favorite church members. It was yet another great reminder of how many people are out there to share with. It's very easy for friends to be like those doors of opportunity... you spend so long staring at the ones walking away that you forget to greet the ones showing up. One speaker while talking said we don't know what we have, but you know, when you start searching for a Church somewhere else, you do. And I think I do know. It's another family. It's a support system and it's a well of love where everyone gets a bucket. When you're united in Christ, something endless and powerful, it makes it possible to be that.

Well, either way, I had a great Sunday and after 5 hours I came home. I must admit, due to my recent inability to fall asleep at a decent hour, I was a little cranky. Despite this, my mom managed to get me out of the house to Mill Hollow with her, my dad, Lori, and the two dogs: Lizzy and Cody. I ran with Lizzy for a little while and then gave her back to them so that she didn't get tired. Then I continued off while my parents and Lori walked. At first it was a difficult run. It was terribly humid and I'm still out of shape (apparently it takes more than a week and a half to get back in shape. Darn.) But, it ended well and I was glad to get out for another 40 minutes. I rewarded myself with non (or low)-fat vanilla ice cream with fresh strawberries and raspberries in it after dinner. While we ate our ice cream, my parents and I watched a movie kinda-on George Cohan... what a cool guy. It was a good night.

Yesterday was a great day too. I wanted to go running, but ran out of time in the morning. I had bought a Richard Simmons video at Goodwill the day before (pause for confusion and/or laughter) so my mom and I got a good laugh and a good workout out of that. Then I got ready and went to John and McCartney's wedding shower.
Let me take a moment to say that while I think marriage is a lovely thing, but it boggles my mind how many of my friends have their facebook status as "married" or "engaged"-- and mean it.
Ah, but yes, McCartney and John's shower... it was so great to see everyone. If you don't know already, I love the whole Melick family. Mrs. Melick even introduced me to a person or two as "everyone's friend". A title like that (or the alternative of "crazy aunt") is part of the reason I feel so fully Sara when I'm at the Melick's house. I am (hopefully) seeing Christy tomorrow since we always have catching up to do. I was sad to leave the excitement, but I had made plans to go kayaking so between the two parties at their house, off I went.
And Aaron was great and even skipped out of dinner, saying he'd eat when he got back, and we went kayaking right away. We went down to Vermilion, just past Romp's and kayaked around. There were bugs galore (ew), but it was otherwise really nice. I'm looking forward to going kayaking a lot more this summer. Please let me know if you'd like to go. We own 2 kayaks so unless you own one it's just us, but it can be really relaxing... or a really good workout, depending on what you are looking for.

When we got home we took the kayaks off the car and I somehow lost my dad's key... still haven't found it. This is why you should always leave keys on the key ring.
I had dinner and then had a chance to talk to Schae-schae, one of my best friends. We try to talk fairly often because it's hard to keep up-to-date since we're always off causing trouble. I just wish we lived closer together! Hopefully we'll be able to see each other soon.

After that phone call I talked to my sister for awhile. Actually, they were in the other order. All the same, I caught up with my sister too. I'm very excited to see her next Saturday!!

After phone use I got looking at jobs (stillll looking) and then attempted to fall asleep for way too long. With the exception of the lack of a job and inability to fall asleep at night, it's been a great weekend... lots of quality time with good people!

And now I'm listening to Tom Petty non-stop since my friend John got one Petty song stuck in my head.

Oh Tom, you are so right, "Good love is hard to find" and I do "belong amongst the wildflowers... somewhere I feel free".

Goodnight to all and may the Peace of the Lord be with you Always.

Alright for Now

There is a song by The Perishers called "Weekends". I love it because it starts:
You don't know me,but I'm sitting next to you
Every morning on the bus or on the tube.

In general I like songs that reference London transportation systems.

I miss London.

Tom Petty's "Alright for Now" helps me sleep. Something about it makes me feel like he's much closer than he is...

I'm off to get ready for Church.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

My Internal Clock is off Again.

Miller and I got together today. We went to target and bought John and McCartney's wedding shower present. I like shopping for presents for other people. We also went to Goodwill and I saw two kids whom I know I know, but couldn't think of their names for the life of me.

Tonight my mom had to work late. I'm not positive of the time that she went in, but she probably ended up working over 13 hours. My dad was making sirloin steak with roasted peppers and mushrooms on the grill, a salad with mandarin oranges, and a fruit salad with watermelon, raspberries and bananas. I knew that my mom, in attempt to get home quickly would be not stopping for dinner so my dad and I drove it over to her. She was really glad to see us and the food.

When I came home my dad and I had dinner and then I went running once my food settled. I ran 40 minutes and had my dad pick me up at Harris. Four and a half miles at 9 minute mile pace... it's encouraging and discouraging at the same time. After I came home, showered, and talked to my mom had the chance to talk to two friends and --

I am actually going to stop the entry right there. It's 2:32 am. I'm not even trying to fall asleep. I've had trouble falling asleep for over a week now, but I didn't expect myself to totally resign.

The point of this entry was to say I'm always disappointed with myself when I bring trouble to people's life and that I really enjoy a lot of people in my life. Tomorrow, for example I get to go to a wedding shower and see an AMAZING friend who I haven't seen since December since she is going to school in Texas. Then I am going kayaking with another friend. Our plans fell through (as they do, haha) Thursday, but tomorrow will be kayaking and it'll be lovely.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

And I'm doing Okay.

I understand that my expectations of my life in Amherst have to be different than my expectations of my life have been for awhile. I will no longer hear drunks in the hall outside my door, but I will have a cat who, if she doesn't fall asleep in my room, sometimes even on my bed, will meow in the hall outside of my room until I wake up in the morning... just to say hello.

Two days ago I started doing some pilates and yoga stuff. It kinda killed me, but I did a little more yesterday, after my run. I ran a steady five miles yesterday, including 5 of the park hills and the long hill going up to the 5 points. I also ran on Saturday. If I could run tomorrow I'd have a little every-other-day thing going. That'd be a start...
I didn't really get out today, but it was my own fault. I hadn't prepared well for my first production meeting so I spent a lot of time on that this morning. Nothing I worked on was needed for the production meeting, but it will be needed on the 11th and I do need to get moving or else I might overstress on the 15th (day 1 of real rehearsal).

The production meeting went well. It was nice to see Abby and Corey again. It'll be interesting to work with Frank, the director because he pre-blocks most things. It's been awhile since I've worked with a director who does that. I have never been on the production side of a musical though so that will also be interesting! I have a good feeling about this and am excited for production to begin.

I am still day-jobless. I am going to make some phone calls tomorrow... let's hope for the best.

So I got in a proactive mood again tonight and made some phone calls. I am now hanging out with Amy (D) tomorrow and Melissa (D) on Thursday. I already had plans to see Christy (M) on Saturday and Jill (C) on Monday. I caught up with Trevor for a bit online, while talking on the phone to Melissa. It was great to catch up with both of them. I was going to stop over a friend's house this evening. I drove in her direction, but she didn't answer my phone calls. Instead I texted another friend who has called me a couple times recently, but he had to work at 6A (and it was around 11) so instead I went to Powers to swing by myself.

Anyone who has known me since high school on- knows about my love for swings. I especially like the swings at Powers because so many great conversations with good friends have occurred on them... Christy... Lizzy... Ian... Chris... Aaron... I just have a lot of good memories from these swings. I even spent some time on prom night on the swings... and I rang in 2007 on those swings. Well, I swung for a little bit. Then I decided that human beings are nothing like caterpillars and butterflies. I also realized that the trick isn't not needing people, but rather not needing people who don't treat you well. In a phone conversation earlier this evening I articulated that to a friend, but I don't think I understood the importance of what I said until I stood in the dark, talking to-- whomever... whatever. Sometimes the air is the best sound board you could ever dream up.

Yes, I think I understand now.
And I feel good.

Note Added Later: I think the reason I didn't understand before is because I wanted everyone in my life. It's not that I don't want this still... I just understand that you should spend your time on people who want your time spent on them...
This doesn't mean you should give up on a friend just because he or she is busy, it just means to keep your eyes and heart open... I think...

I still don't have it figured out. 20 years isn't that long to be working on this...

Back to original entry...

I think I also feel good because I finally created the facebook group I've been thinking about for the last couple of days. Amy helped me come up with the name for it. MJ Moluse: Too Pretty to Retire. We invited a whole bunch of people and I will write the names of all the people who accepted the group invite on either a giant thank you card or a bunch of small thank you cards (I haven't quite decided yet). In just 3 hours 40 people have joined. What did I expect? That woman is amazing!