SarCare

SARCARE It’s been a good 6 months since I’ve posted. That break was the right decision at the time, but too many of my mental bits are going to people who don’t “get” it, so here I am. I tried to create other blogs with more focused topics, but alas, why? For now, I’m focusing on tracking my SarCare.

SarCare is the name I came up with yesterday for my intentional self-improvement. I’ve finally moved towards a full-on renovation by 3 recent events/factors:

1. My constant desire to run and/or create and not having time to do either
2. A Friday night, a couple of weekends ago when I (while on a date) was so short of sleep I began crying because I just couldn’t listen or do anything until I was laying in bed. I was 3 feet from a bed at the time.
3. Body image. My body doesn’t feel good and I’ve been knowingly not taking care of it for too long. It’s beginning to show physically and I don’t want that to continue.


I have a lot of areas I want to improve in my life, but SarCare involves a few specific ones to start off with:

1. The Sleep Initiative. Sleep 7-8 hours a night. Yes, I’ve survived and even thrived on less, but since I can’t seem to find a middle ground, 7-8 is the new goal during the workweek. 6 will happen, but can’t be the normal as it allows too easily for a 4 hour night.

2. Operation Vegetable. Increase my vegetable intake. I do okay with fruits, but they’re higher in sugar than vegetables and there’s no reason to keep ignoring it… grown-ups need vegetables. For the first two weeks of SarCare Operation Vegetable also includes a 2-week* removal of the following: coffee, chocolate, ice cream & candy. Alcohol will be limited to one day/week. That’s not really a change for the alcohol, but just a reminder 1x/week.

*exception made for dates if the gentleman offers. I’m determined to not be ‘that girl
< 3. The Friends & Family Plan. A continued effort to reach out to friends and family. Exact details of this plan are still in the works. One major adventure will be a Memorial Day weekend trip home to see my Grandparents, Parents & Ohio friends.

4. Long-term Sustainability. Progress on my to-do list to reach the next step professionally. I’ll keep most actionable tasks (except for books I read) quiet as I don’t like to build up anyone else’s expectations for my career. That said the fields include lighting design & arts programming. If you have access to continued opportunities, let me know!

5. Not Just Any Body. I will give myself time to run and lift. I’ve come up with a couple simple exercises I do each night before bed. They’re complete in less than 2 songs, but keep my physical state alive because sitting in an office chair tires you in the lamest of ways. They’ll be the new base.


Today is Day 2 without chocolate, ice cream, candy or coffee. I realize that might not sound like much to most of you, but I normally consume at least one of those every day. Yeah, a little much, but New York seems to have every flavor of chocolate and when you stumble upon lavender dark chocolate, it can be tough to resist. But, resist I will! Wish me luck.

I was supposed to run today, but took an extra shift at work instead. I’m going to be gone for 5 days so I think financially it was a necessary choice. It’ll either be a night run or a really great, much needed workout on Saturday.

Listening to: “Finally Moving” – Pretty Lights

A Goddess's Body

All of this should be read taking into account that I am currently eating obscene amounts of my Grandma's homemade chex mix after having consumed a couple- well, a few hand fulls of chocolate.

In this particular blog I found myself talking about my desire to lower my weight or get back on track with running more often than perhaps I "should". In the spring it was because I literally felt gross. It had little-to-nothing to do with the mirror and much more about how I felt. The fact that my clothes were not fitting was part of it, but the majority of it was just the 'blah' feeling I woke up and went to bed with every day and night. My current desire to rebecome a "real runner" is partly because of that and more so because I miss the mentality of running. I am nostalgic for my teams and I miss having that sort of focus. I have been reading David Allen's "Getting Things Done" and in the first chapter he asks you to think of a time when you've been truly productive. He begins describing the feeling and I immediately think of running. He later equates the feeling or productivity to "the zone," which we runners often talk about. Starting the day with productivity or knowing you have guaranteed productivity at 4:00 is a good feeling. It lets you know that you can and will accomplish things. You just have to start by getting dressed, putting on the proper shoes, and showing up.

Of course, I would be a bit of a liar if I claimed that I did not look in the mirror and occasionally groan. The positive reinforcement I have received from certain males this past semester has, however shallowly, discouraged me from groaning as much, but that glance in the mirror pre-shower is usually not received with a smile. I am thinking of not having mirrors bigger than face size in bathrooms when I am a grown-up. I feel as though having the face size ones might be helpful as I do like to do a quick teeth-check post-meals and pre-meeting up. While mirrors in other rooms may be useful to increase the size that the room appears, they usually result in feeling an increase in your own personal size as well. And one* may say, well what about "Spaceballs", that guy would have never known how big his butt was if his head hadn't been turned around... mirrors can help with that. Yes, yes, but if God had wanted us to know how our butts truly appeared, wouldn't he have put them in front? Or perhaps given us removable eyes?

All that said, my friend and former housemate wrote a facebook note today. In it she discusses her experience in Argentina and the reality of the clothing industry's preference to smaller women. She wrote:

"[...] because Americans are much larger than Argentinian girls I would never be able to fit into the popular clothing. I was large and I became very comfortable with it. I remember being at the public pool wearing my bright red bikini and having everyone stare at me, because I didn't care about my love handles and belly. I strut around like I was gorgeous, because what else are you going to do with all those tiny girls for competition."

I immediately thought back to Bulgaria. I had the exact opposite feeling when I was there. All of those small women made me feel extra large. (Of course, this was when I was at my new largest size so surely that did not help.) And you know, I am back in America now and am not one of the largest people I know. I have been, perhaps, the largest girl on the cross country team, but not with a difference so large that I embarrassed myself. Sure, there are some men who I am much too large for. If they wanted to make me clothing it would take too much fabric [surely this is the reason that don't feel motivated to court me] and thus are not physically attracted. That's okay. Some men are also more attracted to Koreans, but you have to narrow the candidates down somehow. Perhaps, I was just meant to be born in the 1500s [despite the lack of women's rights]. After all, I look much more like a goddess in a painting than a celebrity on the cover of Glamour anyways:




Venus Of Urbino By Titian** [1538]





*one meaning I
**Of course, when Manet used Venus as a model for his Olympia three hundred and twenty five years later [1863] her love handles had a little less to love, but who wants less to love anyways? [that is a rhetorical question]