Monday, August 31, 2009

The Past presents the Future

Sometimes I wonder if I should switch schools so I can afford to stay another year and switch my major. I'd switch to something that would make me less nervous... like accounting. For someone who already cares about what people think, committing one's self to an industry in which success is determined by how much people like you is scary.

Of course, I won't, but still- Sometimes, when I REALLY think about my life, I get a little nervous. For awhile I've been in this "I'm not impressed" zone in which I just saw people doing what they said they'd do, and not viewing it as something extraordinary.

The next day I coordinated with Jeri to meet up for lunch. Jeri, my friend from Hope, is studying with IES in London this semester and so I was excited to talk with her about what she is preparing for. She also interned with a great theatre this summer so I was looking forward to hearing about her summer. We grabbed lunch and sat by the fountain for a few hours just exchanging stories. I am interested in talking to one of her co-workers from this summer about his experiences so she is going to email him for me so we can meet up. And, she needed help with a good internship location since ies wasn't doing the best figuring that out. I told her I would email Marina. Now, less than a week later we have already made correspondence with our respective contacts and things are looking good. I have yet to email the guy she worked with because I am nervous. I am also hesitant because I am not sure when I would be able to meet with him because of my schedule. Although, I should probably just get over myself and send the email tonight. Worrying is an ineffective use of time.

I said goodbye to Jeri and walked with my sister back to her house. I think seeing Jeri was an important part to my prepping for New York. I am now much more excited for it.
On the way home I ran into Emily, who graduated from Hope this past Spring, on the street by Anna Jo's El station. Emily was doing some Human Right's Equality work and it was encouraging to see a recent grad doing work in something so important, to her and to the world. The day before I had ran into Sarah, a theatre major who just completed her first year of grad school, on the El. I can't help but wonder, what will I be doing after Hope?


I intended to go run with the high schoolers again today, but felt unmotivated and stayed at home instead. I have run three of the past seven days. I ate terribly yesterday and today. It's strange how quickly I go from feeling encouraged and motivated to 'blah'. I am determined to accomplish things today yet. Tomorrow begins September and I intend to stay on track.

Perhaps today is destined to be a down day. I just have four amazing days in a row. Wednesday night/Thursday morning and midnight Alexis and I went to Church Street to celebrate her 21st. I ran into my friend, Chris whom I haven't seen in awhile and we befriended a few guys at the end of the bar who were semi-fascinated by Alexis, her tattoos and her address. It was a beautiful night out and it was great to be able to finally spend time with Alexis.

Thursday morning I woke up super-tired and went to my appointment. After packing up my car I went to pick up Kayley fot the drive to Chicago. Despite some rain the drive way easy and conversation was easy. I'm not used to driving with people, but it was enjoyable and felt as though hs could've been yesterday (in respect to our interactins). I dropped her off in Hammond, Indiana with her friend whom she'd go to the two NIN concerts with. I drove the rest of the way to Chicago and stayed at my sister's house for the night.

Upon arriving we quickly left again to go to a concert at Ravinia. Her friend had bought two tickets, but ended up not being able to go. So, we saw G. Love And Special Sauce and Michael Franti & Spearhead. It was a GREAT concert and it was wonderful getting to see it with my sister. We were a little cold since it was raining and so my tired self was ready to go home by the middle of the second act. Anna Jo and I went to catch the early train, but they ended up holding the train for 40 minutes. We weren't sure if it was because of the concert or the arrest we witnessed, but either way, it may me miss London transportation.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Well, it's 2:40A and I just returned from uptown [or downtown, depending on how you look at it] Amherst. Alexis and I went to Church Street for her 21st birthday. It was my first time drinking in Amherst outside of my house, so that was exciting. It was also my first time taking a 21 year-old out for their birthday, which was truly exciting! While we didn't get particularly crazy, it was a nice time. I don't get the opportunity to spend as much time with Alexis as I wish I could and so I appreciated the chance to. We also ran into my friend Chris from high school and then made some new ones whom were amazed by Alexis's tattoos and/or last name and street of residence [in PA]. Alexis and I called it a night and walked back to her house. My dad picked me up from there. It really worked well and I'm lucky to have parents to call on to be my DD.

So this is the great start to my exciting weekend. Tomorrow morning I have a doctor's appointment [boo] and then I'm off to Chicago with Kailey. I'll drop her off at a friend's house [they're going to NIN Friday & Saturday] and then go visit with my sister. If all goes according to not-planned, Jeri and I will meet for brunch/lunch. Then I'll be off to Holland to visit with my friends. I have nothing in particular planned, but that's the greatest part about Holland. I don't need to plan anything. If things are exciting, we'll do stuff. If everyone is organizing in the house, I'll read the plays I brought or go for a walk around the Pine Grove. I also have a lot of errands to run around Holland. I am looking forward to spending a couple days back in that world.

The only bad thing about going to Holland this weekend is I am missing the Amherst girls' XC team's first race. I really would like to be there to cheer the girls on. I have been running with, and occasionally pacing girls on the team for most of the summer and have pretty high expectations for their season. They have a lot of girls, but if they can all work together they will have an amazing team. They're all great girls, but I'm still aware of how the world is... for any group of 30 people to stay content with each other is difficult. Whether I'm there or not, I am sure they will do great and I look forward to getting the results emailed to me and talking to the girls next week when I visit them.

Then, the week after that... New York.
Ah! But there is so much to do and enjoy in the mean time.

Goodnight all <3

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

There's a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.

Good New of the Day [which will span the week]:

Marcus emailed me an idea of my schedule from the 8th-25th of September and we have previews, techs, focuses, or openings on all, but two of the days/nights. I'm going to be insanely busy and probably not see much of New York in September, but I'm going to be helping with two great shows. One is at The Vineyard and one is at Columbia's Miller Theatre. I am beyond excited.

I received an email from my good friend, Amy and contrary to the email she sent me the other week, she WILL be at Hope this weekend. I haven't seen her since I was in London. She is one of my favorite friends, full of patience, love and peace. I can't wait to catch up with her!

I talked with my friend Jeri who is going to be studying in London this semester and she is back home in Chicago until the 1st when she flies across the pond. Since I am going to be in Chicago this Thursday/Friday I am going to have lunch with her on Friday! After lunch I will drive to Holland.

AND I just read on The Kletz's fb page that they have games now... including scrabble. How am I ever going to get work done there in the Spring? Haha.

I am drinking a cup of tea and content with the world.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Let me assure you, friend, Every day is ice cream and chocolate cake

"You're really going everywhere. I remember a couple years ago when you said you were going all over... and you are, you know, some people just say you are, but you really are..."
-Mrs. H to me at church this morning.

She's right. I am going places. I may not be going everywhere, but I am moving and expanding the bubble. I have lived in Ohio, Michigan, Kentucky, London (England), Kostelecké Horky (Czech Republic), and soon New York. I am constantly learning and growing and trying my best to love the world that God has given me to share my gifts and love with.
Today's sermon at church was about taking care of all that God has trusted in our care. We talked a lot about the earth and the plants and animals, but God has also given us each other. I, as a flawed person, have the habit of being self centered. I am refocusing my goal. My purpose here has to be bigger than myself. Sure, I need to take care of myself so I can take care of others, but I must remember the tasks don't end with taking care of myself.

So I will...
-Continue bringing my cloth bags to the grocery store and not wasting plastic bags
-Reusing water bottles and recycling plastics when I am done with them
-Put fruits and vegetables in the compost pile at home
-Be better at forgiving. I listened to a talk radio program about teaching your children about real forgiveness and how it involves not bringing it up again and not using it against someone. I know sometimes we forget what real forgiveness is. I'm working on it...
-Try to not take my negative feelings out on other people. While I am allowed to be sad or upset, being these emotions does not make me entitled to hurt other people
-Try to keep an open heart. I know it's easier to keep it protected, but it still ends up hurting me and other people.

Of course there are more things I can do, but that's a big list for now.
I am going new places and must bring my patience and love with me. I'm there for more than learning lighting*.

*However, I did receive an email from my LD today. Included in it he did mention "The first two weeks of your time here with me will probably be your very busiest -- I'm working on three projects at once and so we'll be doing a lot of running around and shifting gears." Emails from him make me so nervous and excited... and a little more than in love with my life... Forget boys, I have so many other [slightly more dependable] things to be in love with.

Note: I love randomizing my playlist and remembering bands I love. For the last 24 hours I have listening to the Weepies again. I am blaming them for my dreams about Hope last night. You should definitely listen to them.

"Vision of Mary in converse shoes
She's putting down roots and stars she shoots out
I am crying on her couch
Talking in tongues when the words won't come out

Ring around rosey game
Always ends the same way
We all fall down
Get up now, baby, get up now, baby
It's your song, it's your song playing"

"Don't you think that now's a good time to be the ambitious freak you are?"

I've started to get sad lately. It is a mix of things. It is lack of communication, or lack of reciprocal communication, from a couple of people that are important to me. It is needing more. It is missing my friends.

During my semester in London I befriend Bristol who lived down the hall and my roommate Sarah [among other people]. While there are surely more, two things that these wonderful ladies had in common were their excellent musical playlists and the fact that both of them had spent that fall abroad as well as the spring. Bristol had been in Germany and Sarah had studied in France. Both expressed that their second semester, while still exciting, held a little less of that original "ahhhhh". They also felt less of a need to be crazy. The second semesters were also more difficult because they were another semester away from their on-campus and/or at-home friends. One was more home-sick than the other, but they both were still ready to go home by the end. In New York I doubt I will get homesick as I am still in the US and not very far from Ohio. However, I am sad I am not running cross country this Fall. By tomorrow evening all the runners should be on campus. I want to be with them. The next day they will leave for camp- something I have only experienced twice with them. It's simply not enough. I miss running workouts. I miss the orange and blue school bus. I miss the spark the boys add to the mix. I miss... a lot. I'm going to have to get a reasonable idea of my schedule in New York and try and find a race or two. It should help. I can't go the entire semester without racing. I've only raced twice this year. It's simply not enough.

I think the difference between missing on-campus friends and everyone else in the world is that the on-campus friends have an expiration date. In less than a year I will no longer be a student, but rather an alumni. And even if the friends are still on-campus friends, I won't be [an on-campus- or even off-campus friend]
The Yellow House had an expiration date. The house is still there, and apparently has been redone, but the amazing get-togethers and delicious dinners I ate there cannot be redone or extended. While my friends will still exist after I graduate, I can't go back and live with them or spend entire weekends doing focus-and-hangs in the theatre. I can't have a zillion conversations with the amazing cleaning woman in Dewitt because I'm still there studying and she's turning off all the lights. At some point I'm not going to get any more of those days. So I'm choosing some other types of days. I think I am making a good choice, but I still want all of the days...

I am excited for the adventures ahead of me.

ps. I love "The Last Five Years". You should too.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I'm officially going to stop worrying about next spring. The new plan is worry about Spring 2011. If my connections to the real world aren't working out and I'm not finding a job in theatre or something else that I enjoy, I will join Americorps. This is in no way a last resort... that would be living at my parent's house and selling all my belongings on ebay [I've only sold some of them at this point]. Rather, it's a second option. Plus, I began looking at some of the programs you can apply for and I think the biggest problem I will have is deciding where to apply :)

Red Line meets Blue

A friend from college posted a list of must-read plays at the beginning of this summer. While I had read many of them, there are even more left on the to-read list. For example, to any theatre major's disapproval I've never read A Doll's House, or any Ibsen for that matter. I know he's great, but it's all based on hear-say.

So I went to the library today with a list of plays and playwrights. I thought I would pick up The Pillowman or maybe something by Alice Childress. I began searching, only to be reminded that I live in a small conservative [not as bad as Holland, but still...] town with a library that tries its best. Needless to say, Amiri Baraka was nowhere to be found. However, I did come home with a book of Noel Coward plays, The Birthday Party [I <3 Harold Pinter], The Cocktail Party by T.S. Elliot, and Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett. I have read a few of Beckett's plays and make references to Godot all the time, but have never read it all the way through.

While I was looking in the play section, I glanced over at the poetry section which was the bookcase next door. I happened to see a book called "Poems on the Underground". I couldn't help, but pick it up. It was a chance find. I opened it to the bookmarked page and read this:

Celia Celia

When I am sad and weary
When I think all hope has gone
When I walk along High Holborn
I think of you with nothing on

Adrian Mitchell (b. 1932)

It was a successful trip to the library.

Note: Holborn is the tube stop I got off at for school
Note2: Poems on the Underground are actually poems that were on the Underground. It officially started in January of 1986 when these three people wanted a way to positively fill empty advertising spaces. Three years [1989] after the launch the London Underground agreed to provide all spaces for free and quadrouple the original number of spaces for poem. While it did not mention this in the foreward, my guess is this later grew into "Art on the Underground" which you can see in [nearly] all London tube stations. More on this later...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Roadtrip for 21 [cont]

Continuation of the road trip...

I spent the night of the 6th at my sister's and woke up on the 7th to go to Lollapalooza. I walked past the line of paying-concert-goers stretching to the art museum and beyond and searched for the volunteer station. I signed in, got my green "staff" bracelet and yellow volunteer t-shirt. I was on program distribution, which is self explanatory. At 10:30 we began moving program boxes from the tents to each side of the fountain so, as the audience walked from the entrance to the stages of their favorite bands we could hand them programs with maps, band information, the schedule and a card for 30 free i-tunes songs. Needless to say we were popular people. As I was moving a box I was picked to be one of four people to start handing programs to people in the front of the line. I had the chance to talk to a lot of the people and hear some stories about pass Lollas. Right before the Star Wars theme began and the gates were opened we moved to our stations. The people began entering and we began offering programs. From that moment until 1:30 when my shift was over I was busy. I talked with lots of people and studied the map so when people asked me questions I knew the answers- so, I was, in a way, deserving of my green staff label.

At 1:30 my shift was over and after getting out late and going to pick up some stuff from the Volunteers' HQ I met up with Emily, Miller, Anthony and Alexis. Despite umbrellas [I hate umbrellas at concerts. Yes, we have all been rained on for the past 5 hours. Put the umbrella down when the band is playing] I had the chance to see Ben Folds, Andrew Bird, Kevin Devine and The Kings of Leon [as well as a few others I heard bits of]. The five of us left a bit early because of hunger, the rain chill, and lack of excitement towards the end. After eating, my four friends headed back to their hotel and I returned to my sister's. Jeff, Tine and Anna Jo were just about to leave to go to a bar down the street to meet up with two more friends. I quickly changed into dry clothes and joined them. After a PBR and plenty of salty popcorn, I left a little early so I could get back, shower and fall asleep; the alarm was set early for the next morning.

After five[ish] hours of sleep I ate, dressed and got in my car. With the assitance of pretzels and a sugar-free-rockstar I drove for five hours on the same road and eventually ended up in small-town-with-great-hills, Indiana where I went out to lunch with my friend, Trevor. There I had the most delicious sugar-free, fat-free raspberry frozen yogurt ever. We hung out for a bit and then I sat back in my trustworthy Del Sol for another few hundred miles to Charleston, WV. This section of the trip was interesting because I ended up driving on a stretch of highway that I drove all last summer when I lived in Louisville. By the time I arrived in Charleston all I needed was a bit of food, a sugar free Red Bull, and a shower before it was time to go out!

My cousin Chris and his partner, Josh have lived in Charleston for a few years now, but I have never made it down. School and other commitments never seemed to fit around the drive. However, when I was planning birthday excitement, my sister, who had visited them last summer, suggested I go down. It was the best suggestion she could have given. The first night we went to a drag show and then Chris and I stayed up and talked until 5 a.m. Needless to say, by the time I hit the bed I passed out in my driving clothes.

The next morning we spent most of the day on the boat. While I was not that short on sleep, I was terribly tired. Drinking, which I don't do terribly often, and not eating mixed with limited sleep so many days in a row took a toll on me while out in 90-degree weather on a boat. Let's be honest, it doesn't sound like a recipe for a happy body. However, once I ate and napped just a bit [on the boat] I was happy again. Chris, Josh and their friends were so much fun to be around. It makes me feel good to know that my cousin is in good company. While Chris is older than me [there are only 5 cousins on the Gosses side. I am the youngest and Chris is the oldest] you still always worry and hope your family is in good hands in whatever community they are in. And when their group of friends and "regional family" embraces you, it just makes you feel good. Of course, it was funny that they kept apologizing for any joke that you wouldn't say around your little sister, but that's alright; It's all part of the fun. We got off the boat around dinner time and Chris and I picked up dinner. After we ate I went to my room [the beautiful room that Chris and Josh let me stay in for the weekend... their house is lovely] and I didn't mean to lay down, but before I knew it I was waking up a couple of hours later. Chris had texted me an hour before saying to come outside and join the campfire if I woke up, but don't worry about it if I needed to keep sleeping. A bunch of Chris and Josh's friends were over and having a campfire in the front yard on the river. Slightly embarrassed I walked out front and sat for a bit. I was still groggy, but woke up enough to rehydrate and carry on a bit of conversation. I still fell asleep without a problem a few hours later when everyone had gone home.

The next morning Chris and I had lunch with Justin, another one of my cousin's awesome friends. He had just returned from a trip to Puerto Rico with some of friends from undergrad, but since he had hung out with my sister the year previous, he made time to hang out with me before I left. Like I said, he's pretttty cool. We ate at this delicious sandwich place [with delicious pickles on the side]. Despite sleeping I was still a little tired, but it was still lovely socialization. Chris and I went back to the house and I left a short while after that.

I then drove up to Columbus. While it was almost an extra hour, I hadn't realized it when I was originally planning and it was worth it to go for a run with Tealla. I arrived somewhat later than originally planned, but it was fine because nothing was ever set in stone. Tealla and I went for a 40 minute run and then met up with Megan to go lifting. It was kind of exciting lifting in OSU's facilities. They were really nice and since it was the summer they were not too crowded. Then Tealla cooked a delicious meal of wheat pasta, toast and salad [mmmmm]. We talked for a bit and then slept. We woke up the next morning, ran and showered again. Then I started on my trek home and Tealla went to class. I stopped part way home and took a 20-minute nap because I was too sleepy for 250. I dozed just for a bit and then felt good for the rest of the trip home.

Overall the adventures were much needed. it had been along time since I felt truly tired. Strangely, I missed that feeling. I really spent some quality time with many people that I love and don't get to see enough. The only problem was coming back home and acknowledging that I didn't need to be here. I have become slightly unmotivated and need a change of pace for a slightly longer amount of time. There is lots to do until September though so I don't intend to waste the time. Speaking of which...


Sunday, August 16, 2009

[continued from last post]

The roadtrip gave me a chance to see friends and family whom I knew I missed, but forgotten how good it felt to be around them.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Adventures in celebration of 21.

It's time to go.
My parents have been really great this summer: letting me gallivant around without much question, not minding my trips, being reasonable about the job thing...
With that said, I need to be doing something. The fact that I have all August to do whatever and have not felt "busy" since May, is not good. I have become anxious and am more difficult to please.
This past week I took a roadtrip to see some friends and family and celebrate my 21st birthday. Obviously I don't really have the money to spend on gas so my parents' present to me was paying for my gas for the trip [and a yoga mat!]. I have the schedule listed before, but at the end, I just saw a lot of people and had a really good time in 5 different states.

My first stop was in Chicago to spend my birthday with my sister and her boyfriend. They took me out for the 3rd and the 4th and I had a really good time. The second night we even went to Guthrie's Tavern where you can play board games! I would definitely like to go back with more people just for the games. Jeff, Anna Jo and I also ate slices of pizza [bigger than your face] at a place next to Wrigley's Field. Anna Jo and I went to a brilliant vegetarian restaurant [the name of which I'm now forgetting] to make up for it. My sister and I ran one day. It was a good recovery day [her from her half-marathon and me from my 5k].
On the 5th I drove to Holland and had lunch with Joe [making him late getting back to work] and then played Marion Party with Jackie B. as we shared our abroad experiences. I knew I missed Hope, but spending time with Joe and Jackie just made me miss it more. As I drove past Timmer all I wanted to do was park in the grass and sit on the porch in my undies, eat cereal and wave to people as they passed by. I didn't. I am going back to Holland in 2 weeks for the weekend when everyone moves in. I am so glad the girls are letting me stay with them that weekend. I miss my friends. So maybe Hope is conservative and not always accepting, but I still love the community of friends I have there. I miss running with friends and sitting quietly or not so quietly on our orange and blue school bus. I miss the yellow house and I miss sophomore year as a whole.
I found out one of the guys I ran with now lives in Lakewood. It's a small world, but not always small enough.
In the evening I went to Michigan City to pick up Rachel from the train station. We got Subway and the guy who made our subs joked with us the whole time. We went to Warren Dunes State Park and met up with Tim. We put up our tent and drank tea. We then went to go climb some dunes and enjoy Lake Michigan. As we wondered back from our late night appreciation of the earth we went the wrong way for awhile and took the extended route back to our tent. We enjoyed another cup of tea and then headed off to bed, after realizing all the other campers were asleep because it was around 3 or 4 in the morning.
The next day we ate oatmeal for breakfast and then indulged in late morning s'mores by using our neighbors' fire after they headed home [we arrived too late to buy wood the night before]. We packed up and Tim took us to a river which we walked through to the lake. Poor Rachel had blisters on her feet, but struggled through them [I hope the cold river water was good fro them] as we walked to the beach. This river has a lot of clay in it and kids often cover themselves in clay and then walk back to the beach to wash it off. We were all dressed in our regular clothes otherwise I definitely would have tried this clay-skin-treatment. Tim and I left Rachel on the beach and walked up a large dune nearby. After climbing the dune we regrouped and enjoyed some Lake Michigan waves. This just made me miss cross country season more.
After enjoying some snacks Rachel and I left Tim and headed off to Chicago. I dropped her off near a train station down town and headed back to Anna Jo's. I went for a run and Anna Jo's friend Tina from Belgium arrived. We ate delicious Chicago style pizza and spent some time relaxing before going to bed.

This takes us to the 6th. I'll finish the story of my roadtrip later. Pictures are on facebook at the end of this album.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

spinning my wheels

This kid I used to date thought it was strange how much I cared about other people's relationships. I feel terribly sad when a friend of a friend's childhood neighbor's relationship ends. I am so encouraged when people start relationships with good communication and genuine care and passion. The thought that love is real encourages me, but if I can avoid it, I don't want to ever feel a hurt as big as that initial I-thought-this-was-real-and-it's-ending hurt again.

At the end of the day, I think facebook keeps me a little more involved in people's lives than I need to be. I wish all this knowledge would come in handy more often.

ps. Spring Awakening makes me cry.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Quarters, Nickles, Dimes, and You

When you haven't seen someone in a long time you remember them just as they were. When you see them again do you give them room to be their new self or do you keep them in the box that they used to fill and refuse to let the sides expand or the top to come off. There is more. There is always more. Why do we refuse to see it? What is it about our hard wiring that has such trouble accepting that someone can change?

I suppose there is an argument that people can't change...
Perhaps it is that the core is still there. It will remain. The past still existed, but if you allow a person room to change. If you open your eyes that much wider to see the possibility, give room for the potential- there is a chance that growth has occurred [be it positive or negative].

Just as you are the only one who truly limits yourself. You are the one limiting what you see in others.


It's from 8 years ago, but: an article about attempts of suicide prevention on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Thought and Action

I enjoy reading blogs written by people I know [and don't know]. Occasionally I forget some of them exist, but fb and running in to people reminds me. Many of the blogs I read (which are written by friends) are similar to mine in that they are usually just about that particular person's life. This blog is a reflection of the current state of the USA from a particular point of view. Forget trying to sound intellectual, I don't always find myself immersed in the post. However I fully agree with his response to whether or not his state is true to Churchill's "a man's Life must be nailed to a cross of either Thought or Action" in his most recent post:

"Perhaps not, but as one friend put it, you might still be on a short leash of either Thought or Action. Churchill himself seemed to believe he was beyond crucifixion of this sort, that 'book learning' wasn't at odds with Achilles-like audacity. One thing I cannot understand is how an able-minded, able-bodied person could choose neither.

But one thing I know for sure is this: I'd have gone crazy (and probably was at one point) if I had never known any conservative publications like Claremont, read any poetry, taken the Bible and let it speak on its own terms, or found out that Lincoln was not just a racist and hypocrite. Sometimes I feel like I might go crazy (and my faith in humanity takes a blow) when I see some certain other 'hip' things, esp. in the academic world."

Saturday, August 1, 2009

[Almost Counts]

So I just stepped on the scale and while I'm 1.5 lbs heavier than I was this morning, I tried on a pair of last summer's shorts before I weighed myself and... okay, well the first pair was able to be zipped, but wasn't decent. However! The second pair (while should be checked by an outside source during the day time) may very well be wearable. Woo! for almost fitting into some of my own clothes again.

And I wouldn't have even tried except today when I saw Tealla she said I was looking toner (or some word of that sort) than earlier this summer. She definitely boosted my confidence. Now if we can just get confidence for this Rocky Horror Picture Show...
and then for the race the following morning (probably the best idea ever... or...)