Monday, February 21, 2011

On Bed by Ten

I make taking note of moments, events, to dos, and seemingly new developments a priority.  However, recently I have lacked the brain power to process the trajectories of the days. In other words, I haven't blogged much of February.  I am blessed enough that I am currently part of many fantastic projects, but that results in a lot of tasks to complete.  Some tasks are fantastic; some tasks are...

Most days I have managed the check lists fairly well. I have accepted that there will always be more to do, but if I get stuck on that, I will not be as productive as I need to be. The tyranny of now pressures, but it exists for a reason.  The learning curve has sharp edges.  Last week, by itself, would have been exhausting, but coming into it slightly worn made it that much more difficult.  To claim that there was nothing to be thankful for would be to lie, but I was fighting a funk that had as many cures as a common cold: sleep, nutrition, and positive energy.

I went out Friday night in hopes of letting go of some of the stress. I switched the focused and held onto the enthusiasm for a couple of hours. But, once I started to feel emotions that I had forgotten existed, I knew it was time to go home.  I called friends for support and perspective, and eventually fell asleep. Note, I was home before 11pm.  Apparently I needed the rest. Yet, I woke up the next morning and still felt tense.

A friend came to visit.  He needed to get out of his town.  I needed to get out of my head.   He made the spur-of-a-moment decision that satisfied both of our needs.  It's amazing what the blessing of a person who really knows you can do for your weekend.  He spent Saturday and Sunday here.  I mostly worked on my projects: went to meetings and rehearsals, printed scripts, interviewed board ops, thought about light plots. Yet, the change of energy that surrounded me and the low expectations we promise each other, have brought me to a new place to start the week.

I'm still stressed and I'm just as tired, but we talked about things other than work and I've been reminded that my work isn't the end of the world or the beginning of it.   It is, however, important. It is how I spend my time, my life.  It compliments how quite a few other people spend their time and their lives as well.  So, I'll continue to stay positive, passionate and dedicated, but that's it.  As I once needed to discover with running, there is purpose and self-definition outside of work and outside of theatre.   What that means today and tomorrow as a less abstract concept is still to be discovered. 

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