Today I over-gave into my ice cream/chocolate cravings. The weight watcher 1 point snacks and the bag of chocolate chips that I've been rationing (and finished today) just weren't doing it and I've been wanting lots of brownies and ice cream for awhile now. I tried tiny brownie pieces added to fat free no-sugar-added frozen vanilla yogurt, but I needed more. So, my dad and I bought 2 pints and we each ate about half a container (maybe a little more), which, by my high school standards isn't thaaaat much, but I feel ridiculously sick.
The good news?
For the first time in awhile I'm not craving chocolate or anything right now. I just want to lie down.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Three is a Magic Number
Three things I've read and/or listened to tonight:
The Decade In (Real, but Discouraing) Pictures.
Oh, Twilight...
[Stolen from Megan's fb]
Pleading the Fifth
[Stolen from Dave's post on Mike's fb]
The Decade In (Real, but Discouraing) Pictures.
Oh, Twilight...
[Stolen from Megan's fb]
Pleading the Fifth
[Stolen from Dave's post on Mike's fb]
Because I am, I like giants, and I like you.
Sometimes I like to listen to the same song over and over and over. Yesternight it was a bunch of Weepies songs. Today, and probably for many days in the future, it's Kimya Dawson's "I like Giants".
I like giants.
I am developing a morning mantra. Something related to
"I am grounded. I am humbled. I am one with everything"
will need to be included... because I am.
I like giants.
I am developing a morning mantra. Something related to
"I am grounded. I am humbled. I am one with everything"
will need to be included... because I am.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The Hippo's Campus
"If I don't have red, I use blue"
Pablo Picasso
We don't know if it's because of the way we look at the world, searching for the positive, or if it's because life is this way, but my mom, sister, and I have all had conversations (in the last month-ish) about how wonderful things are. There's a sort of fear or nervousness that the other shoe will drop soon, but we have to appreciate the beauty and peace that has been in our lives in the present and recent past whether some fancy footwear is waiting for its moment or not.
Don't get me wrong, things aren't perfect. There are still "friends" who don't return phone calls, co-workers who don't communicate, people who get upset for what feels like no reason at all, and things that get seemingly made up just to feed the fires of negativity. However, the amount of love that has surrounded my family recently fills us with joy rather than the other, less favorable emotions.
This summer has been wonderfully good to me. I was uncertain how returning to Amherst would be after graduation, but I found my fit into summer skin and am surrounded by great people once again. I work with a dedicated group and help to create amazing children's theatre. There's a younger group in the morning and an older group in the afternoon. The 33 2nd-5th graders can be exhausting, but they have something to give to the art. The 17 6th-8th grade girls do an impressive job of supporting each other and consistently reminding me what a blessing a creative space can be. And, they let me be silly and productive at the same time. Those two hours of my day are often my favorite and I am super excited for next weekend when the kids finally get their chance in the spotlight.
July 30th (Friday) and 31st (Saturday)
Cinderella's Glass Slipper (6:00 pm)
and
School House Rock Live Jr. (8:30 pm)
at Amherst High School Cafetorium
They're fun shows... you should come see them! Let me know if you'd like more details :) Come help us move on Sunday [10AM at the Jr. High] if you want a sneak peak at the props ;)
In addition to being a part of 2 successful productions I have had social time! Jeni, Mike, Jenkins, Evan, & Tim have taken me into their group and let me feel like I have effortless friends again. Just last night Jeni, Jenkins, and I went to see Sandstone's opening night of "Children of Eden" (which was great, fyi). I visited with some audience, orchestra, tech, and cast members and then remet them, along with Mike & Evan, up at Church Street. It's fabulous to be able to sit and enjoy good company and unusual conversations!
I have also been able to catch up with a few other friends from high school! Lizzy was in from Maryland/DC area and we went to Oberlin's production of "Our Town". I had never seen "Our Town" and was amazed by how much I enjoyed it and, despite it being done so often, it still manages to spark something. I also had a chance to see Christy before she left for Togo (today!!). And, my saving grace, and the reason I have grown too wide for all of my clothes, Tealla has been around this summer. We run a few mornings a week. While 6am is rough, Alyssa and Jessica have even been able to join us a few days. I wish I could take them all with me every time I move. They're great motivators and patient, but pressing running buddies. We understand the team aspect of an individual sport and there aren't many people who do.
Until a week ago I hadn't had the chance to see any college friends since I left Jackie in Seattle. Amazingly Kent's family stayed in a hotel down the street from me on their drive to the East Coast and he called me! I gave him a "tour" of Amherst which included nearly hitting a deer by crown hill and swinging at Powers..Obviously the later was the more enjoyable. Seeing Kent made college feel less like a figment of my imagination. I have had the chance to skype with Jeri, skype chat with Meghan, and phone Jackie B. I have also kept up (to extent) with friends on facebook, which I'm grateful for. It's amazing to have people in Nagpur (India), Chicago, and Seattle supporting your adventures. Then again, they're having amazing adventures so there is no way I couldn't support theirs! And these three are only a small portion of the multitudes... While Hope's public statements may be a bit 'over religious' for me and the anti-choice and anti-rights vibes may be a bit discouraging, the school attracted some amazing people who have helped me form into a more balanced being and I can't appreciate that enough.
This summer has, as desired, been a great chance to spend time with my family. I was able to spend the weekend JEFF PROPOSED TO MY SISTER with them. I was able to help my Grandparents move. I have had the chance to see all of my Dad's brothers and even saw my Aunt Janice in May. My sister's marriage (September 2011) also means more family! Anna Jo came to Ohio for a little over a week and during that time she picked a place for the reception AND found her wedding dress!!! She looks absolutely gorgeous... there will not be a dry tear at that wedding. My sister has always been beautiful, but it's exciting to see her in a dress that brings out the presence and a sparkle in her eye. Jeff's parents and sister, along with my parents and I were all able to look at the reception location. We all agree it is perfect. And, my sister, moved up her shopping date (she originally planned on waiting a bit longer) so I could be there, along with Mrs. Karp, Amanda, and my mom to shop for dresses with her. It was really cool to be able to all be there to support my sister. It all became a little more real when she put that crazy veil on.
And while veils aren't even something I can begin to fathom trying on at this point in my life, I do have an increasingly wonderful relationship with a friend of mine. It's nice to have a healthy relationship... It's nice to get warm fuzzies so regularly.
Oh! And I received a call for an interview in New York this past Monday (while we were dress shopping). The fact that the interview is a little delayed gives me a bit of a negative feeling, but it was encouraging to get a phone call. Obviously the woman didn't have my undivided attention, sooooo... I'll see where it goes and probably call them on Monday if I don't hear anything.
Yes, yes, New York! I'm moving to New York! A friend from high school, her boyfriend, and I are moving into a lovely apartment in East Harlem. After I emailed her about my 4-person dish set, wok, soup pan, noodle getter, rolling pin, measuring cups, bread pan, salt & pepper shakers, cups, whisk, 13x9 pan, 8" pyrex dish w/lid, cookie sheet, muffin tin, angel food cake pan, "lean, mean, fat grilling machine" and a few other things.... we realize our kitchen will be doubly-stocked in many respects, but hey! I like to cook, she likes to cook, both of our boyfriends like to cook... we need to be prepared. Plus, people living on strict budgets can't be going out to eat too often!
I am very excited for my return to New York. When I walked down 8th Avenue over the Fourth of July weekend I remembered why I liked that place so much. It's neat to feel so tiny and yet so a part of things. I'm a little nervous about the job stuff, but I'm trusting in something that it'll work out. You can only do so much, so, you do those things and stay positive and appreciative of the people who keep things possible.
After all, "If I don't have red, I use blue".
Pablo Picasso
We don't know if it's because of the way we look at the world, searching for the positive, or if it's because life is this way, but my mom, sister, and I have all had conversations (in the last month-ish) about how wonderful things are. There's a sort of fear or nervousness that the other shoe will drop soon, but we have to appreciate the beauty and peace that has been in our lives in the present and recent past whether some fancy footwear is waiting for its moment or not.
Don't get me wrong, things aren't perfect. There are still "friends" who don't return phone calls, co-workers who don't communicate, people who get upset for what feels like no reason at all, and things that get seemingly made up just to feed the fires of negativity. However, the amount of love that has surrounded my family recently fills us with joy rather than the other, less favorable emotions.
This summer has been wonderfully good to me. I was uncertain how returning to Amherst would be after graduation, but I found my fit into summer skin and am surrounded by great people once again. I work with a dedicated group and help to create amazing children's theatre. There's a younger group in the morning and an older group in the afternoon. The 33 2nd-5th graders can be exhausting, but they have something to give to the art. The 17 6th-8th grade girls do an impressive job of supporting each other and consistently reminding me what a blessing a creative space can be. And, they let me be silly and productive at the same time. Those two hours of my day are often my favorite and I am super excited for next weekend when the kids finally get their chance in the spotlight.
July 30th (Friday) and 31st (Saturday)
Cinderella's Glass Slipper (6:00 pm)
and
School House Rock Live Jr. (8:30 pm)
at Amherst High School Cafetorium
They're fun shows... you should come see them! Let me know if you'd like more details :) Come help us move on Sunday [10AM at the Jr. High] if you want a sneak peak at the props ;)
In addition to being a part of 2 successful productions I have had social time! Jeni, Mike, Jenkins, Evan, & Tim have taken me into their group and let me feel like I have effortless friends again. Just last night Jeni, Jenkins, and I went to see Sandstone's opening night of "Children of Eden" (which was great, fyi). I visited with some audience, orchestra, tech, and cast members and then remet them, along with Mike & Evan, up at Church Street. It's fabulous to be able to sit and enjoy good company and unusual conversations!
I have also been able to catch up with a few other friends from high school! Lizzy was in from Maryland/DC area and we went to Oberlin's production of "Our Town". I had never seen "Our Town" and was amazed by how much I enjoyed it and, despite it being done so often, it still manages to spark something. I also had a chance to see Christy before she left for Togo (today!!). And, my saving grace, and the reason I have grown too wide for all of my clothes, Tealla has been around this summer. We run a few mornings a week. While 6am is rough, Alyssa and Jessica have even been able to join us a few days. I wish I could take them all with me every time I move. They're great motivators and patient, but pressing running buddies. We understand the team aspect of an individual sport and there aren't many people who do.
Until a week ago I hadn't had the chance to see any college friends since I left Jackie in Seattle. Amazingly Kent's family stayed in a hotel down the street from me on their drive to the East Coast and he called me! I gave him a "tour" of Amherst which included nearly hitting a deer by crown hill and swinging at Powers..Obviously the later was the more enjoyable. Seeing Kent made college feel less like a figment of my imagination. I have had the chance to skype with Jeri, skype chat with Meghan, and phone Jackie B. I have also kept up (to extent) with friends on facebook, which I'm grateful for. It's amazing to have people in Nagpur (India), Chicago, and Seattle supporting your adventures. Then again, they're having amazing adventures so there is no way I couldn't support theirs! And these three are only a small portion of the multitudes... While Hope's public statements may be a bit 'over religious' for me and the anti-choice and anti-rights vibes may be a bit discouraging, the school attracted some amazing people who have helped me form into a more balanced being and I can't appreciate that enough.
This summer has, as desired, been a great chance to spend time with my family. I was able to spend the weekend JEFF PROPOSED TO MY SISTER with them. I was able to help my Grandparents move. I have had the chance to see all of my Dad's brothers and even saw my Aunt Janice in May. My sister's marriage (September 2011) also means more family! Anna Jo came to Ohio for a little over a week and during that time she picked a place for the reception AND found her wedding dress!!! She looks absolutely gorgeous... there will not be a dry tear at that wedding. My sister has always been beautiful, but it's exciting to see her in a dress that brings out the presence and a sparkle in her eye. Jeff's parents and sister, along with my parents and I were all able to look at the reception location. We all agree it is perfect. And, my sister, moved up her shopping date (she originally planned on waiting a bit longer) so I could be there, along with Mrs. Karp, Amanda, and my mom to shop for dresses with her. It was really cool to be able to all be there to support my sister. It all became a little more real when she put that crazy veil on.
And while veils aren't even something I can begin to fathom trying on at this point in my life, I do have an increasingly wonderful relationship with a friend of mine. It's nice to have a healthy relationship... It's nice to get warm fuzzies so regularly.
Oh! And I received a call for an interview in New York this past Monday (while we were dress shopping). The fact that the interview is a little delayed gives me a bit of a negative feeling, but it was encouraging to get a phone call. Obviously the woman didn't have my undivided attention, sooooo... I'll see where it goes and probably call them on Monday if I don't hear anything.
Yes, yes, New York! I'm moving to New York! A friend from high school, her boyfriend, and I are moving into a lovely apartment in East Harlem. After I emailed her about my 4-person dish set, wok, soup pan, noodle getter, rolling pin, measuring cups, bread pan, salt & pepper shakers, cups, whisk, 13x9 pan, 8" pyrex dish w/lid, cookie sheet, muffin tin, angel food cake pan, "lean, mean, fat grilling machine" and a few other things.... we realize our kitchen will be doubly-stocked in many respects, but hey! I like to cook, she likes to cook, both of our boyfriends like to cook... we need to be prepared. Plus, people living on strict budgets can't be going out to eat too often!
I am very excited for my return to New York. When I walked down 8th Avenue over the Fourth of July weekend I remembered why I liked that place so much. It's neat to feel so tiny and yet so a part of things. I'm a little nervous about the job stuff, but I'm trusting in something that it'll work out. You can only do so much, so, you do those things and stay positive and appreciative of the people who keep things possible.
After all, "If I don't have red, I use blue".
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Confessions.
I find a lot of "pros" about routine.
I need to hear a realistic idealist's dreams.
It's hard to wake up sometimes.
I need to hear a realistic idealist's dreams.
It's hard to wake up sometimes.
Cardboard Boxes Galore
Putting stuff in the attic for 'later' is similar to burying a time capsule. If you store such boxes, I recommend dating them for perspective.
My parents are redoing our kitchen. They've wanted to for years and the project is underway. We are laying new floor and installing all new cabinets and appliances. There will also be a wall torn down to result in a breakfast counter and a kitchen that doesn't feel so tiny. To store these appliances and cabinets pre-installing we needed to clean out our garage. In addition to this we needed to clear out most of our basement since some of the work will be done from beneath. This has resulted in an emptying of two of our main storage locations. Some of the boxes we have uncovered have been hidden in the back for longer than my mother would allow me to admit on my blog. As we go through boxes we have rediscovered a lot of toys (Christmas xs1000, every box). It's been difficult to get rid of some, but some just need to be kept for future children of one of the three of us. This exploring has also reminded me (once again) about the duplos in my attic. I knew there were a couple other boxes of my belongings in the attic so I decided I should go through these this weekend while my parents were gone and I had no other commitments.
Time Capsules galore...
I dated a couple of the "save for later" boxes and one has been stored for a decade. The strangest part about it was that it doesn't feel that long ago. In the boxes and boxes there were probably two sand dollars and one toy that I couldn't remember vividly. I am a little frustrated about the number of books that I own because I doubt I will have enough room for them anytime in the next 5-10 years, but I am grateful that I had the opportunity to read and reread so many of them (so many times).
Moral of the exploration... things may just be things, but they sure do carry a lot of stories and emotions with them.
xo.
ps. Emotional eating this week = a jar of peanut butter & a bag of chocolate chips... WW is working out as well as last summer.
My parents are redoing our kitchen. They've wanted to for years and the project is underway. We are laying new floor and installing all new cabinets and appliances. There will also be a wall torn down to result in a breakfast counter and a kitchen that doesn't feel so tiny. To store these appliances and cabinets pre-installing we needed to clean out our garage. In addition to this we needed to clear out most of our basement since some of the work will be done from beneath. This has resulted in an emptying of two of our main storage locations. Some of the boxes we have uncovered have been hidden in the back for longer than my mother would allow me to admit on my blog. As we go through boxes we have rediscovered a lot of toys (Christmas xs1000, every box). It's been difficult to get rid of some, but some just need to be kept for future children of one of the three of us. This exploring has also reminded me (once again) about the duplos in my attic. I knew there were a couple other boxes of my belongings in the attic so I decided I should go through these this weekend while my parents were gone and I had no other commitments.
Time Capsules galore...
I dated a couple of the "save for later" boxes and one has been stored for a decade. The strangest part about it was that it doesn't feel that long ago. In the boxes and boxes there were probably two sand dollars and one toy that I couldn't remember vividly. I am a little frustrated about the number of books that I own because I doubt I will have enough room for them anytime in the next 5-10 years, but I am grateful that I had the opportunity to read and reread so many of them (so many times).
Moral of the exploration... things may just be things, but they sure do carry a lot of stories and emotions with them.
xo.
ps. Emotional eating this week = a jar of peanut butter & a bag of chocolate chips... WW is working out as well as last summer.
NY TImes of interest
I <3 Mark Twain.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/10/books/10twain.html?
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/08/science/08flint.html?ref=science
Even though I'm typically against the pop music world running Broadway or West End Theatre, the fact that he was offered the show before one of his brother's was even born, makes me a little excited that someone who has been a pop sensation still yearns for the, and moves to, the theatre.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/07/theater/07jonas.html?ref=theater
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/10/books/10twain.html?
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/08/science/08flint.html?ref=science
Even though I'm typically against the pop music world running Broadway or West End Theatre, the fact that he was offered the show before one of his brother's was even born, makes me a little excited that someone who has been a pop sensation still yearns for the, and moves to, the theatre.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/07/theater/07jonas.html?ref=theater
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Bowery
While I haven't been to Bowery Poetry Club, this is a clip on found on their webpage.
I may be beyond poor, but I am certainly looking forward to the city <3
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Too Tired to Function
Informative Link of the moment [shared on Justin's fb]
Last week we decided to not have rehearsal on Monday, the 5th. The kids have been picking up the blocking rather quickly so we figured they could learn lines just as well at home as at rehearsal. I did some speedy searching and found a reasonably priced bus ticket from Pittsburgh and made some phone calls. A good family friend, Andy was nice enough to let me stay at his house on Friday night and then drop me off at the bus station at 6:35am the next morning. I rode 8 hours to New York, and inevitably met an interesting conversationalist. I had no intentions of talking; I was quite sleepy. However, she offered me apples and with such friendliness... I digress.
I was tired (and therefore a little cranky and prone to anxiety) for a percentage of the trip, but I can only hope that the wonderful company that I spent time focused more on the other time. Jessica and Lindsay, two friends from my Fall in New York were back in 305 and so I spent time with them on Sunday as we grilled out for the fourth. I had some amazing Thai food that Friday. I watched part of "Serenity," but then was too tired to finish it... which is disappointing because now I have to wait another 6 weeks to see the rest of the movie I had to wait 5 weeks to start...
Well, I have woken up before 6am four of the last five days. If you know me, you know this is ridiculous... especially because there was a run, but no nap today. So, to be brief:
This weekend was wonderful and I am incredibly happy that it worked out.
Approximately six more weeks until I stay for more than 2 days!
Last week we decided to not have rehearsal on Monday, the 5th. The kids have been picking up the blocking rather quickly so we figured they could learn lines just as well at home as at rehearsal. I did some speedy searching and found a reasonably priced bus ticket from Pittsburgh and made some phone calls. A good family friend, Andy was nice enough to let me stay at his house on Friday night and then drop me off at the bus station at 6:35am the next morning. I rode 8 hours to New York, and inevitably met an interesting conversationalist. I had no intentions of talking; I was quite sleepy. However, she offered me apples and with such friendliness... I digress.
I was tired (and therefore a little cranky and prone to anxiety) for a percentage of the trip, but I can only hope that the wonderful company that I spent time focused more on the other time. Jessica and Lindsay, two friends from my Fall in New York were back in 305 and so I spent time with them on Sunday as we grilled out for the fourth. I had some amazing Thai food that Friday. I watched part of "Serenity," but then was too tired to finish it... which is disappointing because now I have to wait another 6 weeks to see the rest of the movie I had to wait 5 weeks to start...
Well, I have woken up before 6am four of the last five days. If you know me, you know this is ridiculous... especially because there was a run, but no nap today. So, to be brief:
This weekend was wonderful and I am incredibly happy that it worked out.
Approximately six more weeks until I stay for more than 2 days!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Where I am is here
I suppose I'm a little more than behind in blogging, but life has been exciting and speeding by quickly so I don't feel guilty. After all, if there's life to be lived, sometimes it's more valuable to drive a ways for great experiences than to document anything else.
Last Friday I drove my sister, Anna Jo back to Chicago. She had spent the week in Ohio working and visiting us and Christine. I haven't had a chance to do very many "summery" things and so a couple of weeks ago I had told Anna Jo I wanted to go back to Chicago with her so we could do fun "summery" things like go on a picnic! So, we drove back Friday night and spent the night in. We watched "Valentine's Day," which was wonderfully mushy- as expected. We all went to bed and the next morning Jeff and I woke up quite a bit before Anna Jo. We waited impatiently for her to get up. Jeff went out and got her tea to help the process along (and just to be nice). I can't remember if it was before or after the run, but one of Anna Jo's close friends, Christine called in the morning and she talked to her for awhile. It's so wonderful the way good friends can make our moods so positive! We went on a 40 minute run along the lake and my hamstrings buckled a bit, but we still both made good time. We returned to the apartment, showered, and then began our walk to the grocery store. On the way, Heather, another one of my sister's dearest friends called and they happily talked for awhile. Anna Jo even got to talk to Heather's daughter, Anna... which was especially adorable! Once at the grocery store we made salad-bar salads, chose sandwiches and drinks, and then headed off to Oz Park.
Anna Jo had "suggested" Oz Park the night before, but Jeff had decided on it months ago and had even visited alone to find the ideal spot for the event. The weather was super toasty on Saturday so I asked Anna Jo if we could take some pictures before eating so we wouldn't be all gross and sweaty. We wandered off towards the Scarecrow and my mom called. Anna Jo and my mom talked for a little while and I took pictures while they talked. Then I claimed to need to call someone else and sent Anna Jo back to start eating. I had her leave her camera and water bottle with me (don't want her hands to be full). She walked over and Jeff was on one knee and asked her to marry him. It was great! Plenty of phone calls and pictures ensued. I treated them to ice cream... primary duty of M.O.H, I think ;)and then went on my merry way to try on some Vibram Five Finger shoes. I didn't buy them because I wasn't quite ready, but now I'm wishing I had. I'm too scared that I will get imitations to buy them off any other website (and they're out of stock on their own and on REI's... sigh). Purchases like these are part of the reason why I am attracted to full-time jobs [more on that after the story of this weekend]
Jeff, Anna Jo, and I re-met up at their apartment and Jeff and I both took naps. Then we went to a ridiculously nice Italian dinner (Yay for Bubby & Groupons!) at a restaurant whose name currently escapes me. Then we ventured off to Guthrie's to play games with people from Jeff and Anna Jo's programs. There was a perfect 12-15ish to share the excitement and we all had wonderful times. I will admit that I spent an hour of it outside having quality conversation on the phone and people-watching, but sometimes you need a break from the excitement to tell people about it ;) I'm ridiculously blessed...
Afterward I ventured off to this hostel that made me quite nostalgic for Spring 2009 and excited me for any future traveling I may do (a girl can dream).
The next morning Jeff and Anna Jo picked me up (it was pouring so it just made sense). We looked at the pictures (so great!) and then I drove home in the rain (the whole way). Okay, not the whole way, but the whole way once I passed all the Pride insanity. I really wish I'd been able to participate in the Pride excitement, but I needed to get home to prep for Monday. I did, however, get to see all the people setting out for the parade and walking in masses and... it just makes my heart glad that we're finally traveling in that direction.
So, the shoes are one reason I'd like a full-time, regular(ish) job. I would like to be able to buy certain things and not worry or feel guilty. I would like a "regular" job so I would have time and energy for running and finding new running partners when Tealla's in Italy, Anna Jo's in Chicago, Jessica's in Columbus and I'm in NY. I want to have time to cook healthy dinners and invest in friendships and relationships. I want to be able to pay off debt and send pencils to these amazing kids in Nagpur, India who deserve so much more than what they have...
Yet, I feel this attachment to theatre. I read things like Kristi's blog and relate too well. While I don't want to act, there's that same "what am I doing?!" question. I also worry that I'll "settle" or "not reach my full potential". It's confusing. I just need to keep reminding myself (what I want to shake into every person who regrets "giving up a dream") that whatever I decide is what I truly believe(d) was best for me and the people around me at the time that I made that choice. If I want something else later I can do my best to achieve it, but where I am in the present is simply a result of the best possible decisions given the information and maturity I had at the time... and that's okay. Actually, I think it's a little more than okay, I think it's kind of amazing.
But I still want to help people express and grow and create!
One day at a time... I may be mostly dealing with t-shirt orders and bloody noses right now, but it's by doing that that helps foster this environment where these kids can laugh and be and it's alright. Yeah, the arts are awesome.
Last Friday I drove my sister, Anna Jo back to Chicago. She had spent the week in Ohio working and visiting us and Christine. I haven't had a chance to do very many "summery" things and so a couple of weeks ago I had told Anna Jo I wanted to go back to Chicago with her so we could do fun "summery" things like go on a picnic! So, we drove back Friday night and spent the night in. We watched "Valentine's Day," which was wonderfully mushy- as expected. We all went to bed and the next morning Jeff and I woke up quite a bit before Anna Jo. We waited impatiently for her to get up. Jeff went out and got her tea to help the process along (and just to be nice). I can't remember if it was before or after the run, but one of Anna Jo's close friends, Christine called in the morning and she talked to her for awhile. It's so wonderful the way good friends can make our moods so positive! We went on a 40 minute run along the lake and my hamstrings buckled a bit, but we still both made good time. We returned to the apartment, showered, and then began our walk to the grocery store. On the way, Heather, another one of my sister's dearest friends called and they happily talked for awhile. Anna Jo even got to talk to Heather's daughter, Anna... which was especially adorable! Once at the grocery store we made salad-bar salads, chose sandwiches and drinks, and then headed off to Oz Park.
Anna Jo had "suggested" Oz Park the night before, but Jeff had decided on it months ago and had even visited alone to find the ideal spot for the event. The weather was super toasty on Saturday so I asked Anna Jo if we could take some pictures before eating so we wouldn't be all gross and sweaty. We wandered off towards the Scarecrow and my mom called. Anna Jo and my mom talked for a little while and I took pictures while they talked. Then I claimed to need to call someone else and sent Anna Jo back to start eating. I had her leave her camera and water bottle with me (don't want her hands to be full). She walked over and Jeff was on one knee and asked her to marry him. It was great! Plenty of phone calls and pictures ensued. I treated them to ice cream... primary duty of M.O.H, I think ;)and then went on my merry way to try on some Vibram Five Finger shoes. I didn't buy them because I wasn't quite ready, but now I'm wishing I had. I'm too scared that I will get imitations to buy them off any other website (and they're out of stock on their own and on REI's... sigh). Purchases like these are part of the reason why I am attracted to full-time jobs [more on that after the story of this weekend]
Jeff, Anna Jo, and I re-met up at their apartment and Jeff and I both took naps. Then we went to a ridiculously nice Italian dinner (Yay for Bubby & Groupons!) at a restaurant whose name currently escapes me. Then we ventured off to Guthrie's to play games with people from Jeff and Anna Jo's programs. There was a perfect 12-15ish to share the excitement and we all had wonderful times. I will admit that I spent an hour of it outside having quality conversation on the phone and people-watching, but sometimes you need a break from the excitement to tell people about it ;) I'm ridiculously blessed...
Afterward I ventured off to this hostel that made me quite nostalgic for Spring 2009 and excited me for any future traveling I may do (a girl can dream).
The next morning Jeff and Anna Jo picked me up (it was pouring so it just made sense). We looked at the pictures (so great!) and then I drove home in the rain (the whole way). Okay, not the whole way, but the whole way once I passed all the Pride insanity. I really wish I'd been able to participate in the Pride excitement, but I needed to get home to prep for Monday. I did, however, get to see all the people setting out for the parade and walking in masses and... it just makes my heart glad that we're finally traveling in that direction.
So, the shoes are one reason I'd like a full-time, regular(ish) job. I would like to be able to buy certain things and not worry or feel guilty. I would like a "regular" job so I would have time and energy for running and finding new running partners when Tealla's in Italy, Anna Jo's in Chicago, Jessica's in Columbus and I'm in NY. I want to have time to cook healthy dinners and invest in friendships and relationships. I want to be able to pay off debt and send pencils to these amazing kids in Nagpur, India who deserve so much more than what they have...
Yet, I feel this attachment to theatre. I read things like Kristi's blog and relate too well. While I don't want to act, there's that same "what am I doing?!" question. I also worry that I'll "settle" or "not reach my full potential". It's confusing. I just need to keep reminding myself (what I want to shake into every person who regrets "giving up a dream") that whatever I decide is what I truly believe(d) was best for me and the people around me at the time that I made that choice. If I want something else later I can do my best to achieve it, but where I am in the present is simply a result of the best possible decisions given the information and maturity I had at the time... and that's okay. Actually, I think it's a little more than okay, I think it's kind of amazing.
But I still want to help people express and grow and create!
One day at a time... I may be mostly dealing with t-shirt orders and bloody noses right now, but it's by doing that that helps foster this environment where these kids can laugh and be and it's alright. Yeah, the arts are awesome.
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