Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Where I am is here

I suppose I'm a little more than behind in blogging, but life has been exciting and speeding by quickly so I don't feel guilty. After all, if there's life to be lived, sometimes it's more valuable to drive a ways for great experiences than to document anything else.

Last Friday I drove my sister, Anna Jo back to Chicago. She had spent the week in Ohio working and visiting us and Christine. I haven't had a chance to do very many "summery" things and so a couple of weeks ago I had told Anna Jo I wanted to go back to Chicago with her so we could do fun "summery" things like go on a picnic! So, we drove back Friday night and spent the night in. We watched "Valentine's Day," which was wonderfully mushy- as expected. We all went to bed and the next morning Jeff and I woke up quite a bit before Anna Jo. We waited impatiently for her to get up. Jeff went out and got her tea to help the process along (and just to be nice). I can't remember if it was before or after the run, but one of Anna Jo's close friends, Christine called in the morning and she talked to her for awhile. It's so wonderful the way good friends can make our moods so positive! We went on a 40 minute run along the lake and my hamstrings buckled a bit, but we still both made good time. We returned to the apartment, showered, and then began our walk to the grocery store. On the way, Heather, another one of my sister's dearest friends called and they happily talked for awhile. Anna Jo even got to talk to Heather's daughter, Anna... which was especially adorable! Once at the grocery store we made salad-bar salads, chose sandwiches and drinks, and then headed off to Oz Park.

Anna Jo had "suggested" Oz Park the night before, but Jeff had decided on it months ago and had even visited alone to find the ideal spot for the event. The weather was super toasty on Saturday so I asked Anna Jo if we could take some pictures before eating so we wouldn't be all gross and sweaty. We wandered off towards the Scarecrow and my mom called. Anna Jo and my mom talked for a little while and I took pictures while they talked. Then I claimed to need to call someone else and sent Anna Jo back to start eating. I had her leave her camera and water bottle with me (don't want her hands to be full). She walked over and Jeff was on one knee and asked her to marry him. It was great! Plenty of phone calls and pictures ensued. I treated them to ice cream... primary duty of M.O.H, I think ;)and then went on my merry way to try on some Vibram Five Finger shoes. I didn't buy them because I wasn't quite ready, but now I'm wishing I had. I'm too scared that I will get imitations to buy them off any other website (and they're out of stock on their own and on REI's... sigh). Purchases like these are part of the reason why I am attracted to full-time jobs [more on that after the story of this weekend]

Jeff, Anna Jo, and I re-met up at their apartment and Jeff and I both took naps. Then we went to a ridiculously nice Italian dinner (Yay for Bubby & Groupons!) at a restaurant whose name currently escapes me. Then we ventured off to Guthrie's to play games with people from Jeff and Anna Jo's programs. There was a perfect 12-15ish to share the excitement and we all had wonderful times. I will admit that I spent an hour of it outside having quality conversation on the phone and people-watching, but sometimes you need a break from the excitement to tell people about it ;) I'm ridiculously blessed...

Afterward I ventured off to this hostel that made me quite nostalgic for Spring 2009 and excited me for any future traveling I may do (a girl can dream).
The next morning Jeff and Anna Jo picked me up (it was pouring so it just made sense). We looked at the pictures (so great!) and then I drove home in the rain (the whole way). Okay, not the whole way, but the whole way once I passed all the Pride insanity. I really wish I'd been able to participate in the Pride excitement, but I needed to get home to prep for Monday. I did, however, get to see all the people setting out for the parade and walking in masses and... it just makes my heart glad that we're finally traveling in that direction.

So, the shoes are one reason I'd like a full-time, regular(ish) job. I would like to be able to buy certain things and not worry or feel guilty. I would like a "regular" job so I would have time and energy for running and finding new running partners when Tealla's in Italy, Anna Jo's in Chicago, Jessica's in Columbus and I'm in NY. I want to have time to cook healthy dinners and invest in friendships and relationships. I want to be able to pay off debt and send pencils to these amazing kids in Nagpur, India who deserve so much more than what they have...

Yet, I feel this attachment to theatre. I read things like Kristi's blog and relate too well. While I don't want to act, there's that same "what am I doing?!" question. I also worry that I'll "settle" or "not reach my full potential". It's confusing. I just need to keep reminding myself (what I want to shake into every person who regrets "giving up a dream") that whatever I decide is what I truly believe(d) was best for me and the people around me at the time that I made that choice. If I want something else later I can do my best to achieve it, but where I am in the present is simply a result of the best possible decisions given the information and maturity I had at the time... and that's okay. Actually, I think it's a little more than okay, I think it's kind of amazing.

But I still want to help people express and grow and create!

One day at a time... I may be mostly dealing with t-shirt orders and bloody noses right now, but it's by doing that that helps foster this environment where these kids can laugh and be and it's alright. Yeah, the arts are awesome.

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