Friday, March 4, 2011

Lately I've felt that my stories and experiences are becoming less and less unique and therefore less and less necessary to share with the blogosphere.  We all meet people. We all have our heart broken [some people by things other than relationships]. We all feel inadequate some days and [hopefully] as though we're fulfilling some great need other days.  Of course, this blog was also a method of sharing with friends, but things haven't really changed: I'm still here, still tumbling through a bunch of emotions, searching with my eyes closed.

The 6-10ish $1 seeds and baby pots I bought the other day are the best investment I've made in awhile.  They're [almost- darn cilantro...] all growing. The little bits of green help me forget that it's still cold and that I'm feeling... a lot of things.

There's a lot of thinking, while typing, hence the ... and , .

That said, last weekend I went to my best friend's wedding and felt incredibly "right".  While I could  never live there, as the conservative nature of Henderson, Nebraska would eventually get under my skin and I'm simply not at the same stage as Schae, the community that surrounds her, that instantly brought me in, filled a gap.  It's a gap that I often surface over and, whether I realize it or not, ignore.  I'm too tough to let it get me. I'm a woman, an individual, and capable of anything.  Rawr.  I won't crumble for simple needs any more. Or, at least, that's where I am today.  Two weeks ago I suddenly became incredibly emotional when out with a group of friends for no simple reason. I immediately needed to go home and crawl in bed.  The next day a friend called and asked if he could visit that day. I gladly said yes and while I still had to focus on work, he gave me the recharge I needed.

This past weekend was another renewal, but also a gentle shake from a slumber I hadn't acknowledged I was in.
I'm beginning to think that we don't come into this world alone... or leave it alone.  Perhaps this is true physically, but just because my body is made of dust, doesn't mean anything else is.  We come in this world with a metaphysical love around us and regardless of what happens while we're here, we leave with it too. Or, at least, this is what I believe today.  Perhaps it's for my own comfort that I believe it.  Or, perhaps, I'm right.

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