Wednesday, May 27, 2009

What's that you say?

"All my employers would say I am the best worker they ever had."

What would you put for that? Strongly Agree? Agree? Neutral? Disagree? Strongly Agree?

I think that is a ridiculous question. I don't think I have had a single employer who would ever have made that comment about anyone so I can't really say. If you agree you're big-headed. If you disagree, well, then they question why not? I put neutral. I think a few would say I'm up there and a few would just say I worked there. I don't know.

I just had to do over 200 of these questions for Michaels.
I just want to sell crafts.
I just want a job.


I'm nostalgic. I read old blogs often. It helps me learn who I am by reading what I was. I wrote this about 3 years ago:

Negative or pessimistic, as from world-weariness

Current mood: scared
The world feels happier when you look for the best in people. I just can't decide, is it safer to look at the world realistically and perhaps negatively and to be less likely to be let down or to wear your rose-tinted glasses. I know we're not all good. We all lie, we all envy, we all have sinful attributes. At the same time we all have something in us that makes us crave something better that this. Maybe it's my belief in a version of the oversoul that keeps me praying that the good is stronger than -- the other, but it's at least something. I wish I knew what was real. I wish I knew what to believe.

If it's true that the only person you can trust is yourself, than what happens when you lie to yourself? Sometimes you just tell yourself something so many times that you have yourself believing it- what happens when you were lying to start off with? I don't know why I am asking, there's no answer... I'm just craving one. I wish I could read minds. I do not mean this in the most superficial of ways, but more. I wish I knew what really made him happy and why he really stays around. I want to know why friends act the way they do and who really means the words she says. Everyone has a choice in the matter, but who really feels that way. I suppose I don't know all the answers about myself, but I just wish I knew a few more about someone else.

The theatre business binder will probably never be looked at again, yet here I am-- spending all my Sunday obsessing over it. I should just turn it in as-is, no one cares how much we made on the Spring Show... just let it be Sara.

I want a parking Lot Dance Party. I am not joking. The theatre banquet is Wednesday night and I've recently discovered the track banquet has been moved to Thursday. Maybe after the track banquet on Thursday the high school parking lot- seriously... last day of school for most seniors.. it'd be a good time. Would anyone partake in the festivities?

I have to leave in 45 minutes... I haven't taken a shower... and the thought of college is making me sick to my stomach.

I know my friends will separate and with all these weddings it makes me wonder, five years from now- will I be getting married? Will any of my current friends still be in touch to attend? Why is this so scary, yet so close? I know college will go fast- high school flew by and I hear it only speeds up from here. I think I'm going to stop counting years soon-- there may be 70-80some left, but it's just too mind boggling. I'll be honest, I don't understand the concept of time.

I was looking on facebook and I discovered there is a Hope Cross Country page. I began going through it, looking at all the people and my stomach started flip-flopping and I felt a bit sick. Somehow the thought of having new "girls" just isn't quite right. I have all of June and July... plus 20 days of August, I suppose I shouldn't be too scared yet. There is lots of time to worry yet.

I worry I am not doing enough with my time here. What should I be doing? Scrapbooking, crying and blogging about nothing just don't always seem adequate to fill up my time.

ps. I love swinging... especially this weekend with all the stars out. I hope you've had a chance to admire the sky.

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