Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The past is only the future with the lights on

Some say sundresses are meant for girls. Sundresses are meant for those free at heart. Some days I miss the little me in the sundress. Other days I miss the big me in the sundress. Most days I just want to lay in bed and think about the sun outside of the window. It'd be nice to stand in the sun, but some days your legs just look too muscular or your arms too flabby in the sun dress or perhaps your heart just isn't sure if it believes in the sun any more.

Julie posted pictures of the production process of my high school's fall show. There was a picture of Maddie, Miller's little sister and it really made me miss Miller (and her family). And then I began missing other friends and high school theatre and what that meant to me. I consistently wonder who I would be if I deserted running and concentrately solely on theatre. It should be noted that I often wonder what would happen if I left theatre and focused just on running. But I began to miss so many things... that security. Of course, if I let myself truly think back I'll remember the people who I let take that confidence away from me. The people who I thought might say things behind my back were always there, as was the fear that I would screw up terribly. And sometimes I think about Rod Stewart and how right he was when he sang "I wish I knew what I know now when I was younger...". Then again, would I really react differently? I still rely on other people for my happiness. I am still upset when I don't run well and I still believe being invited is important.

I would venture to say I am bit different now though...
I don't think I would have actually carved such a pumpkin when I was in high school...
To be honest, I'm not sure what I would have done in high school.

What a mix of thoughts this is turning into...

Just know this:
I have a cold and I am sleepy, but I have things to finish.
Tonight was discouraging, but so are so many other things. This morning I received a wonderful 8A call. I love receiving phone calls from enjoyable people when I'm in dream state, it's much better than Michigan.
I am looking forward to this weekend for many reasons, including: this week will be done, I may see my favorite, schae-schae, the XC meet, post xc meet, work, paycheck, sleeeeep, Halloween!!! everything you could possibly want <3 style="font-style: italic;">really needed that time with her. The next morning we went for a run and Chicago lived up to its windy nickname. We attempted to work on homework. I was probably distracting because I always feel like I have so much to tell Anna Jo even when none of it holds any weight. Later that night we went to dinner and then to see The House show Dave Davinci Saves the Universe. I saw Nathan Allen (yay!) and Brandon, whom I didn't realize I would get to see there so it was super exciting! The lighting for teh show was marvelous. I would've liked to say to listen to the panel discussion and such things, but I had to leave so Anna Jo and I could return to Anna Jo's and then she could take me downtown to Millenium Station so I could go back to Ogden. The rest of this journey was messy. I didn't meet anyone on the train because I was concentrating on homework. I arrived a little late at Ogden Dunes, went the wrong way for awhile, had to stop and pee (although there were no where open to do that) and then when I was 12 miles from my exit (I approximate 20 miles from home) my car made scary noises like there was a bear in my engine and I put my flashers on and coasted the rest of the way home. It was ridiculous. I arrived home around 4:30 a.m. The rset of my week has been a result of that, haha
Oh, but it should be noted that the restaurant Anna Jo and I went to before Dave Davinci was wonderful. The lighting was the perfect mix of bar/restaurant, dark enough to have "atmosphere," but bright enough you could see your menu. There were numerous seating arrangements and the food was EXCELLENT (which is not the case at every place that has over 40% of its focus on alcohol). I would tell you the name of the place, but I've forgotten it. Americana pub or something ... Anna Jo, do you remember?

I have to go write my scene analysis for lighting. Goodnight <3

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