Saturday, November 22, 2008

My director went for coffee. I'm rehearsing on my own..

So I ask friends weird questions to try and figure out what I need to change. People tell you "you don't need to change a thing" and that often bothers me. I guess, in their terms, what I'm really asking is "what do I need to do to best grow into the best person I can be". If I "just be me," isn't that settling? I want to strive for something great.
Currently, within me, the person who acts is not the same person who thinks. And sometimes the thinker has control or is given input, but in the end it's up to the actions. I live my life like a typical young director staring at her play thinking, "well, I don't know what I want, but this isn't it. I don't know what to do to make it what I want since I don't know what I want, so let's just run it again and see if anything changes.... oh, yup, that was nice, you took one extra step forward, let's start back at that other line and we'll try and do that again, but this time pick up your purse..." Small changes often result in nothing. Small changes occasionally change everything. The question is, what if this figurative show still sucks on closing night*.

*note: This has nothing to do with my Directing show. They're doing great... it's me that I'm trying to figure out. I'm glad the show isn't nearly as messy.

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