Friday, November 7, 2008

Pouring through a pin hole

No one would notice if you'd never been here.
They don't miss you at that college you didn't go to.
Do you expect them to?
We wouldn't know if you'd never been born.
If you are truly here, we will notice when you leave.

Neitzche was right... potential doesn't matter.
All that matters is what is.

And on occasion I miss what was.
But if I don't know what that is, do I still miss it?

And if not, what is it that I'm missing?


miller said...

I was procrastinating reading a completely useless article for a class tomorrow and came across this blog that I wasn't aware existed. After reading nearly all of your posts, I have three things to tell you.

1. I feel so close to you. I know that's probably lame, and might have even made you laugh a little bit, but it's true. One of the main reasons that I feel this way right now is because of the name you use to post on this blog: Goose. I love that I know the origin of that name. I love that I know how good it makes you feel about yourself and how it reminds you of good thoughts and a "self" that you are proud of. And I love that I know this about you. You are one of my very closest friends, and you are one of those people that I really truly believe will be a part of the rest of my life. I hope you know that.

2. I love that the title of this blog is "Living Bean." I want you to know that I remember last semester when you called me one night while I was at theatre and couldn't talk, but you quickly told me of your idea for the program that you would call "Living Bean" and asked if I would someday like to join in on your idea. I agreed. I want you to know that I still think your idea is awesome and I honestly would love to pursue that someday with you. I'm really not kidding. Can we please do it? Let's not let our good ideas remain only ideas.

3. I am sitting in my bedroom in Luxembourg right now, 1 month before returning home. My mom and sister just left yesterday, and I am lonely. I don't know what it is about your writing: whether it's the way you write about things I can relate too, the way I know you so well, or the fact that I have been reading your blogs since I've known you and so reading them always has a way of making me feel "home" again. It's probably a combination of all of this. But for the last half hour I was completely removed from my lonely bedroom in Luxembourg. I felt home. Thank you for that.

I love you Sara. And I miss you so much. I don't mean for that to sound cliche.. it probably does. But it's true. And you are one person that I sincerely can't wait to sit next too when I come home. See you in a month <3

Goose said...

So I just read this 10 days late-- and just when I needed it.
And lately I have forgotten so much about 1 and 2. Thank you for reminding me. Lately I have been thinking my goal was Christmas, but my goal is something else completely-- perhaps that greater self and... ah, so much more that I can't explain in this blog. I don't know if it's because I can't articulate it because I'm tired or if it's because I, as I rarely do, have a small filter when writing in this blog. It's the only blog I've ever had open to the people I go to college with and I think they would read what I wrote as trite or simply "not get it". I'll just tell you later. <3

And I am so glad we have an AIM date tomorrow. I hope you got my message and it'll still be able to happen.

Love you!