Monday, February 9, 2009

"Miles to go before I sleep"

It's been a semester or two since I've listened to Play Radio Play, but a friend of mine reminded me of them tonight. I was trying to remember my favourite song by them, but all I could remember was it started with the sound of rain... which, now that I think about it, is probably why it was my favorite. I found the song, "I am a pirate and you are the princess" and looked up the lyrics. As I read them I can't help but wonder: what does that mean? Or perhaps I know what I think the words mean, but I am worried that I only think they mean that because in recent months (or weeks- or years- who knows) I have become cynical.

As soon as I typed the word I realized I should probably look up and make sure that's the word I think I am supposed to be using. The first definition that showed up when I asked google to "define cynical" was:

believing the worst of human nature and motives; having a sneering disbelief in e.g. selflessness of others

I think I blame a close friend of mine (name removed to protect the guilty in case he's innocent) for the disbelief in selflessness. Because even the nicest things are done for the good feeling that comes with them... or the self-satisfaction of being nice. If there was no positive feeling I don't know... well, I just don't know. Then there's always the question of why is the person who does things for the good feeling better than the person who does them for some other kind of satisfaction? Well, I don't know... it's more Christ-like? sigh. That's the only answer I can come up with and even that... I don't know. I don't know what makes up a good person.

I don't want to be cynical. I'd rather be positive. I'd rather be an optimist and be disappointed sometimes than a cynic and live under a storm cloud that never brought the summer-kind of rain.

I've been working on outlining the sort of person I want to be. If you don't have a destination it makes it rather hard to get there... or rather easy, depending on how you look at it. So I'm trying to find the place on the map so I can use my gmap's pedometer and find out just how far it is.

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