Sunday, February 15, 2009

No one ever said it was easy: (Lists)

Current things that Bring me Joy:
  • In the last 3 days 5-1o different people have asked me where things were. Apparently when walking around in London I now appear knowledgeable, assured and approachable.
  • I spent my first night not in the dorm in London last night. I slept at Molly and Charlotte's. It was wonderful to wake up somewhere new... especially with the bagel store down the street. I bought the four of us breakfast.
  • Messages from Tealla. Tealla is not the only person whom I receive messages from which bring me joy, but I have managed to laugh out loud while reading every single one she's sent. I love reading about her life.
  • Heather's blog. Heather is my sister's best friend from high school and I understand why. I have always known why, but her blogs are common reminders which I am blessed to be able to experience as well.
  • My family. I talked to my sister and my parents on the phone today. It was the best 4.40 I've spent in weeks.
  • The guy from the bar I went to go listen to people's speech patterns sent me a text message back on Friday. The idea of a potential friendship makes me happy. Potential may mean nothing to Neitzche, but we're only sometimes on the same page.
  • The fact that on the questionnaire I had to stop myself from listing too many things on the things I am looking forward to list... because there are so many wonderful things in the future.
There are also lots of wonderful things in the past. In the past week I have...
  • Ran one day, but twice on that one day- totaling to 90 minutes... including a workout.
  • Gone grocery shopping at the cheap place and found good deals
  • Done Laundry
  • Visited the National Gallery and remembered my love for impressionists
  • Bought an Avenue Q ticket for my sister's visit in March!!
  • Played a game called Loaded Questions with some people in my program
  • Stayed up way too late on multiple occasions
  • Went to a bar made of ice
  • Gotten into a strong fight
  • Had one of my favorite Tuesdays yet
  • Interned twice
  • Saw a wonderful circus/dance called Traces at the Peacock Theatre
  • Talked to more strangers than you have probably talked to all semester
  • Saw Pitman Painters at the National Theatre
  • Gone on a tour of the National Theatre and been terribly envious
  • Discovered where the Poor School (where we have our rehearsals) was
  • Used a telephone booth and been stared at by strange boys because of the gross porn pictures inside the telephone booths
  • Talked to plenty of good friends
  • Fell asleep in my Thursday class and then again on the tube ride and the bus ride home from class... until I returned to the dorm and slept until it was past time to leave for the theatre
  • Go to a coffee shop in SoHo
  • Go to a night club called Koko and danced for a tiny bit, but mostly watched lights
  • Invited a friend out
  • Explored a bookstore
  • Got my hair cut
  • Went to Brick Lane markets
  • Ate a lot of bagels, croissants and chocolate.
Okay, I am sure there are lots of other little things, but that's the most of it... one week. Even just the two shows and one art gallery should've been enough :)

  • Earlier today I was thinking of things that could make my eating habits better and/or cheaper. I considered cutting out chocolate and realized that was unrealistic. Then I decided I could cut out the carbs. I then remembered about the dozen bagels I just bought... four of which I ate today... and realized I needed a new body plan. I'll reevaluate next week
  • I sing along to songs I don't know the words to
  • I told my mini-feed that I wanted to know less about you. It was unexpectedly more therapeutic then telling you how I felt.
  • Sometimes I write passive aggressive away messages in code
  • Sometimes I know the exact words I need to hear, but know that if I have to tell you they don't mean anything and thus they won't accomplish their purpose. This would make them worthless and why waste potentially magical words.
  • Today I had a discussion with a boy and I told him he was a bad word. I meant it. This doesn't happen often. Usually I regret saying things like that. This time I don't. I regret not regretting it.
  • I wish he would realize how much he's hurt me and apologize.
  • It makes me sad that he's hurt someone else in the program even more
  • I have a lot of things to be happy about here. I am just mentioning the above because I need to get it out. There is so many other wonderful things happening here.
  • I am blessed with a wonderful family that supports me.
  • Today I talked with my Grandpa and Uncle who live in Florida on skype. I didn't know what all to tell them, and I think the connection wasn't the best, making it hard to hear. It was my first time seeing them since the fall. I kind of wish they had just left it on for awhile so we could've been in the same place for a bit longer.
  • Sometimes I become enormously sad about things I cannot control. I try to let them be big things so that I don't feel so overemotional.
  • I don't like messy kitchens. This is mostly because I don't like fruitflies and because I don't like having to wash dishes before I can use them if someone else used them first. I don't feel like they're all the way clean.

I want to
  • Stop finding faults with myself.
    • I am not perfect. I want to fix these things, but sometimes I spend so much time trying to fix these things that are wrong with me that I forget to enjoy the things that aren't wrong with me.
    • I know there is a middle ground called self-acceptance with a side of self-improvement, but I can't seem to find it.
  • Be more reassuring of myself
    • Specifically at places of work.
    • I am most confident with people I don't know who I will only see again if we both truly want to.
  • And others
    • Yeah
  • Run more often
  • Procrastinate less
  • Be Honest... with others, but mostly with myself.

And that's about it for now. Perhaps now I will be able to focus on my assignments for a bit... <3

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