Somebody's sleeeeeepy

When I was 15 I fully believed that by the time I was 20 I would be less insecure.


I was wrong.



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In other news I have had a great winter break so far. I haven't hung out with some of the friends I thought I had as much as I thought I would, but I have hung out with other people that have made it a great transitional break. As I grow more anxious for this upcoming semester, I pay less attention to the now and more attention in the preparation for later. I think this directly affects (in a positive sort of way) my disappointment of not having people to hang out with (when this happens) because there's always something to do. This also helps me spend more time the way I should: appreciating the wonderful people who put effort forth. I have had the chance to hang out with Alexis... Jill... Melissa, Molly... I have spent some great time with my family over this break and my sister has let me, as usual, hang out with her wonderful friends. Today's afternoon and evening activities have exhausted me so much that I will have to promise you further details in the future because I am too tired to type them and add the pictures now. Although I can tell you that I appreciate fun people inviting me along on their adventures... especially when they involve Macaroni or the grocery store.

I am off to bed. Tealla has been wonderful enough to encourage me to go running with her throughout this break. If it weren't for her I might not fit into my sweatpants, haha.
I hope you all had wonderful holidays.



If you're in the Northern Ohio area and would like to spend quality time with quality people, you can come over and play with us if you want. We're having a play date (or a game night as some might call it) which will probably be comprised of more talking than game playing, but hopefully game playing will ensue. It's on Tuesday at my house at 8:00. If you don't know where I live, ask. I'll be terribly happy to see you; I'm sure I don't see you enough.

Seven Years Ago

The first time you return from college your freshman year is mind-boggling. Everything feels so strange (or doesn't, and you're confused because you thought it was supposed to). You want to see everything and everyone just to make sure they're real... and to see if they notice the change. You've changed... or you think you've changed. After all, you've met all these people and you have done these new things, perhaps even things you said you'd never do. As a 3rd year, I know I've changed, but I know it's often hard to see and if they can't, then to them I haven't and thus, it's settled. Anyways, that first year you go back to the high school to see your underclassmen friends and old teachers. I was always a bit reluctant about when to go, not wanting to bug them when they had lots of other things on the to-do list. As we grow we realize how long the teacher's to-do list almost always is. Well, over most breaks I return to the high school, but I go just to run. I walk into the school just as far as the first lobby, where the girls meet. I need running buddies to get me out the door, even if I know less than half of their names.
I went to run with the girls yesterday, but had to leave early to pick up my sister. The 15 minutes I ran hurt bad enough that I considered napping instead of running today. Yet, I talked to Jessica and changed my mind. I quickly put on my purple tights and long sleeve T's and met up with the ladies in the lobby for a run that would end up being longer than I planned, but wonderful in that I like talking with Jess. As I stood there I saw a couple of old runners (and by old, I mean veteran, but still younger than me) and Molnar walked up from the hallway. It's been awhile since we've seen each other! She had been talking to Mr. Haber. Now, I know I still look pretty similar to my high school self and Mr. Haber looked like himself, but it still felt like it'd been a long time. We quickly caught up. Well, I didn't hear much about him, but I told him about London. As soon as he walked away I wanted to ask about his daughters. They must be "real people size" now. He encouraged me to visit when I return from London. I think I might... mostly just to see pictures of his daughters. Sometimes seeing people's kids grow up is just a strange awakening of how old I am. I encourage it, but I am not sure if I like it. Sometimes it'll just hit me, if he/she is a seventh grader, that must mean I am not. And I know I am not a 7th grader, but sometimes I identify so well with my 7th grade (or other) self, that I need a reminder of just how far removed she is.

After Mr. Haber left I realized I really needed to at least say hi to Mrs. Moluse. After all, I she is my favorite teacher (Haber's probably a close second... along with Allis). The poem I referenced in the blog application, she shared that poem with me. There is also one by E.E. Cummings that I still need to re-find.... I asked where the girls were running to, planning on catching up with them after they started their run, and ran down the hall (with Molnar) to see if I could find Mrs. Moluse. Well, low and behold, she was in the atrium. She turned and saw me running, but I had to say her name twice. When she realized it was me she informed me she thought I was just one of the regular kids. Yeah, I blend in... even with a grown-up body in purple tights. We talked for a bit and I told her about London. It was so fun having someone be almost as excited as me. haha. So often at school everyone else has studied abroad or ever 3rd friend has or will be soon, so the excitement of it is gone. There's a slight possibility she might come out to London. My life would be made if we met up in London...

I saw Aaron wrestle on Sunday. He always makes me nervous. It's lame. I still love wrestling. I took pictures on Alexis's camera, but they're still on her camera.

Last night I went to the choir concert with my mom and we sat two rows behind some of my favorite people: Shannon, Clay, Clay's mom, Amy, Anne... you get the idea <3 When the alumni were on stage for madrigals and then concert choir, my heart was warm. They all sing so beautifully. It was wonderful to see so many people I knew and that mattered to me. Given, living in Michigan it is difficult to keep up with all of them... or sometimes any of them. Yet, I felt the need to say hi to every other person whose name I knew... something about them...

That choir concert always gets me :)

If nothing else, the point of this entry is that there is still something special about going back. People are sacred. The people who mattered to you so much while you were there will typically still warm your heart. They cared and they invested time and energy in you. I hope that I become something great so the accumulative investment is worthy and noticeable. Or perhaps it's not about that all. I'd venture to say that it is as simple as: I am blessed.

Chocolate Fondue and JFK, "Right on the lake"

My mother was pseudo-pouting about something and my sister said "We don't need to feel sorry for she's writing with a candy cane pen". My dad had brought me home a candy cane pen which I had declined a few times. What was I going to do with a candy cane pen? Yes, yes, I know, write with it. This is why it's nice having it around the house and not just in my pen container, so it adds to the holiday cheer. Anyways, my mom was writing with it and my sister suggests that I bring a carton of these candy cane pens with me to London to give out. This is when my mom chimes in, "Oh yeah, what are you going to take to make friends?" I just lower my head (haha).
I think she read it in a book somewhere that you should bring something about yourself- a conversation piece or something, but I do usually bring things places in hopes of making friends. I was the girl who brought a chocolate fondue fountain to college just to make friends. Yes, it worked. It made me popular at my "first real college party" that Halloween. Then I walked around with a "Free Hug" sign freshmen year to get hugs. I brought my flute to a church retreat and played it in an elevator; I met some great people. I hadn't brought the pumpkin to Chicago to make friends, but I made them anyways.
Hmm... suggestions on what I should bring to London?


As I was starting to write this entry, my sister said, "What to bring when just being yourself isn't enough". My mom then replied, "No, no, what to bring when being yourself is too much". ouch. <3

"Draft"

This entry was written in December. I'm never going to finish it so I'll just post it now. It's the first of Feb.
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I hate being lonely.


-Play well with others
-Get that GPA back up...

Worries for London
weather: http://golondon.about.com/od/planningyourtrip/qt/weather.htm





"i shook my tambourine the whole time, because it helped me remember that even though i was going through different neighborhoods, i was still me." j.s. foer

"And don't spend your time looking around for something you want that can't be found. When you find out you can live without it and go along not thinking about it, I'll tell you something true- the bear necessities of life will coome to you, they'll come to you..."

"Keep On Keepin' On"

For those of you who don't know, I have two siblings. My brother 26 year old brother, Justin is a geologist in Houston, Texas. My 24 year old sister, Anna Jo is in a master of arts and art therapy program at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. The program is fascinating to say the least. The following video was created by two of the people in her program of their Fall Semester Exhibition. It's their Body of Work and Materials in Media class. All of the students were working with materials and media not commonly used in art therapy today that they could possibly use with future clients. At the same time they were also creating some beautiful pieces of work. I encourage you to view the video below:


MAAT 10 - Fall semester exhibition from Michal Angel on Vimeo.

Many of the projects you have to hear the artist (or at least my sister) explain, but they include a giant piano made out of bubble wrap, paper made out of vegetables, finger puppets that require multiple fingers, and ink prints of shadows. These projects are all wonderfully complex and time consuming. And everything was hand made (of course) and is usable for art therapy purposes. If nothing else, it makes me want to go to more art openings... or an art opening for that matter!


My end of the semester wasn't quite as pretty looking as Anna Jo's, nor as exhausting. However, it was the most difficult I've encountered; I'm still recovering. The grades came out and weren't quite what I wanted, but tolerable. I'm not focusing on next semester, which will be fun, new and a tad bit chaotic. I also recently discovered that I have 3 classes on Tuesday totaling at 7 hours. This is gross no matter what, but we're just going to hope that the one professor I have for all 7 hours is pretty stellar. It's a long time to spend with one professor. Ikes. Add loving her to my list of to dos for this upcoming semester! The rest of the list will be coming soon...

Sara Saturday lives in the Land of Make Believe

Often I live vicariously through other people... relationships places
In London I imagine I won't... I will be living for me... I wonder what that will be like...

"Growing Up is more fun than Grown Up"

Today I received some more interesting news. Apparently I do not have a spring break while in London. I have two days open after midterms, but that's it. Some people do a lot of traveling while they are abroad, I will probably not be one of them. I will go to some places, but my list will definitely be shorter. That is okay though, there is plenty of excitement to be found in London.


I officially received my class schedule today. My internship is not on it, but it will be on two days, either Monday, Wednesday or Friday. I am hoping it will be Wednesday and one of the other two. That way I'll have an easier time taking trips.

(A room at the residence hall I will live in
Photo Compliments of IES Website)

It goes as follows:


Tuesday:
10:30-12:30 TH390 Playwriting Workshop
2:00-4:30 TH350 Theatre Performance
5:00-7:30 TH 355 The Theatre Industry Inside and Out

Thursday:
10:00-12:30 DR355 Theater in London: Text and Performance
Night time For 9 weeks we will see plays for DR 355 every Thursday night

Monday, Wednesday, Friday:
More details to come IN395 Internship Seminar

I have been looking at the time table for the schedule for all of the classes and part of me is yearning for the knowledge that is able to be acquired in so many of the other classes: Literature and Place, The Economies of Europe & The EU, Media & UK Politics, The Pre-Raphaelites, Brotherhood & Movement, Politics, Society & Culture in Non-Western Societies (this was my my alternate course if the theatre ones didn't work out)... Yet, I am excited for all the knowledge I will accumulate in the classes I have chosen. For the first time in my life I will be spending all of my academic and artistic energy focused on the one thing I claim to want to pursue "when I grow up". I guess this means that part of me is grown up?

The possibilities probably have an end, but it is no where in site.

"Your beauty can't be covered by insecurities"

The finals are over.
Thank goodness.

This was by far the most exhausting last week of a semester ever.
My dad came to pick me up on Friday after my last final, but it took us a little while to get out of town. We ran a few errands and loaded all of my belongings out of my house and then left town. There was some bad weather here and there, but over all it was not too bad of a drive. This probably had something to do with my dad driving.

The next day I went to a funeral for my mom's best friend from high school, Carolyn's dad. It was, of course, a sad event, but it was nice to see some family friends. I hadn't seen them in 3 years-- since we went out to visit them in California. I think I met Carolyn's dad once, but I'm not sure. Well, it turns out he was buried in the same cemetery as my mom's mom. My Grandma Jo passed away the same year that my mom graduated from high school and got married. She passed away before she got married. We don't talk about it very often, but it scares me sometimes. I pray both my parents are around to see me get married*.

Well, it was just an interestingly nice first day home.


*If I get married.

Between the time I arrived home and woke up this morning I received two very exciting pieces of news.
News 1
I have an internship in London! It's a 3-credit internship at Kings Head Theatre. A picture of the outside is on the left.
It's in Islington which actually quite a ways away from where I live. Transportation will be expensive.
It's especially exciting to have the internship considering it was a five minute phone interview at 5 in the morning (our time). They must have liked my resume because my 5-in-the-morning-there's-an-echo and-I-can't-really-hear-you phone skills are not the best.
My duties will depend on what their needs are when I arrive, but I am thrilled to be part of their theatre. It's a wonderful place. There are constantly events and they all look wonderful.

Here's a link to the theatre if you'd like to know more about it!

Note: You might remember a blog entry a little while ago that talked about a theatre I was eyeing that had a great looking show called F***ing Men. This is that theatre!


News 2
Over Thanksgiving I applied to IES Abroad to write blogs while abroad. Some sort of creative work and writing were required. There was a list of requirements which I won't waste your time with. I sent in this sample blog. If you think parts are cliche, yes, there is one entry that I was tempted to delete, but I didn't, and that is that. Anyways, the point of the story is that within 24 hours of getting the internship (note: which I have now officially accepted) I was also one of the students selected (out of 150ish) to blog while abroad. I am required to blog 1 entry before leaving, 3 a month while I am there and 1 entry when I return. I even get paid a small stipend to blog! Yes, essentially this is my first paid writing position. And we all know I've been blogging for years so this is exciting for me. Although this is my first blog which I know will be read by numerous people I don't know. This makes me a little nervous, but mostly excited... let me know if you get thrills from reading over other people's work for grammar errors, haha.

Please note the guy in the picture on the right is the founder of the Kings Head Theatre.

Well, there's lots of excitement going around, but it's time for bed so more on that another time.
Also, if you're home over break, I'd love to go on an adventure (or a non-adventure). I fly away on January 5th. I hope to see you before then

Note: Both photos today were copied from the Kings Head Theatre website.

Wonderful, super, fantastic, coolness, remarkable-- and blue...

Have you ever walked in snow barefoot? It's a feeling unlike any other... especially if there's a lot of super soft snow.


Last night/this morning I was in the Kletz with Brittany working on my prompt book for directing. While there, she had me listen/watch to "Blue Hair". Love it. Love it. Love it.

Listen <3

"I get by with a little help from my friends"

The weekend before finals has consistently been my favorite weekend of the semester. Some would say that this is one of the worst weekends- having to cram and study the time away, but I would disagree. There are always numerous study breaks (often so many that studying takes a back seat to them) during which I get to spend time with friends. And there are few times you appreciate your friends more, than when you realize you will be spending awhile without them. (Note: I realize you also tend to value them highly when it's been awhile since you have seen them, but we'll address that issue when we come to it). Given, there have definitely been some other great weekends this semester: Halloween, Thanksgiving, the weekend before Thanksgiving, ect. ect. I enjoy holidays even more now that I am at college. And I suppose this is the weekend before Christmas (break) so that counts...

Often I also find that just before a good weekend I tend to have at least one particularly rough night. This past Thursday was that night. My classes were stressing me out and I just did not want to have to put forth effort. This semester's classes have not been my favorite.
1- turned out much more difficult than I thought it would be... such so that I have grown tired of it... and being not good at it
1- was just a general education requirement which makes it harder to put serious time towards
1- I was really excited for, but ended up being a disappointment. I did not learn nearly as much as I had hoped to, but I blame less of that on myself and more on the class structure
1- I did not get as much out of as I should've because I didn't do as much of the reading as I should've. I shot myself in the foot.
1- I enjoyed, but did not get to put as much effort into because I was worn down from my other classes
I was very ready for them to be over and on Thursday night I just became overwhelmed and apathetic (not a good mix). I called my sister and she answered and put her busy schedule on hold and tried to help my irrational self calm down. The second time I got off the phone I was ready to get back to the world. And I did. I wrote my paper and then got a good night's sleep. Friday went fine; I made it. After my classes I considered going for a run, but slept for three hours instead.

Directing 1's 10-Minute Scenes had their second night on Friday. Often the schedules of the directors and the casts are too busy to put on two performances, but some how it worked out this year that we could. Both nights we filled the studio and Friday night we had to add extra chairs! All the scenes turned out really well. I was particularly proud of my actors. The scene, Betty's Garage was tough. It was 1000xs heavier than anything else on that stage and handling real issues in a surreal fashion can be particularly confusing. However, I think it turned out great and have received plenty of positive feedback. Yay!

After Directing Scenes we gave Katie our props and cleaned up the studio. Then some kids went to 84 East and I came home to get myself organized for the weekend. Then I went over to the Yellow House to hang out with runners. Then a bunch of theatre kids came over and it was theeee greatest. I can't remember the last time I had so many quality friends in one living room! At social gatherings I like to move around a lot and normally I only have 1-2 groups to go between and then I use the kitchen ("getting some air") as a buffer. But there were so many of my friends there, ah! It was definitely the greatest. Plus I had hot chocolate and other delicious drinks. By the time I left we had done "Send me on my way" and "All these things that I've done" so my out-of-shape-calves were sort of tired from all the jumping. Yet, it was a great night. I spent time with friends, was reassured about study abroad by Sarah, danced, laughed... you get the general idea.


Today (Saturday) I worked The Nutcracker which was SOLD OUT. Congrats to the ballet club on that. Afterwards I had dinner and then worked on lighting with Andrew. We took one break and played ping-pong, which was wonderful-- except I need to practice my hand-eye coordination because I have very little :) We also visited Andi and Mama which was lovely. I hid things in their pillow which has a rip in it. I was in a small fit of giggles about this. Eventually Andrew and I became tired of lighting and decided we would finish it tomorrow. On the way back to his dorm to pick up my book bag we heard singing! We stopped and saw 3 girls standing outside a house singing loudly. They were amazing (amazingly hilarious) and when they finished one verse of Jingle Bells we shouted across the street for an encore. They sang more and spread a fair amount of good cheer. As I was walking home in the snow (I'm not sure of the exact measurements, but it averages out to around to above my boots -- although there is some blowing so there's more in some areas) I started to think about how bitter we often are towards snow. I detest driving in it and only enjoy it before it's been touched and only as long as I do not have to venture out into it. However, this snow looked surreal. It was light weight and fluffy. I wanted to play in it!
I went home and called a few people. I heard plenty of voice mails and no-thank-yous, but then Susan said she would play frisbee in the snow with me and she would bring her friends! Joanne also called me back and said she'd come out for just a little bit! And ah! What great times we had. The snow was not as bad for packing as I thought it would be. We threw snowballs and slid and fell in the snow numerous times. Playing frisbee in the snow did not work out so well, but the idea at least got people outside. We then brought snow in to Claire, Emily and Emma. Emma then joined us outside for a bit before we went into Kollen bringing Jackie B. snow cheer too :) By this time both Joanne and I were tired. Emma talked with me on my way home and as we were approaching Timmer we saw Josh and Tim. We through snowballs at them and I tackled Tim in the snow before sending them on their way :)

And then I returned home to sit for awhile. Maybe some would say I should have studied more today, but I did make progress on both lighting and directing. Tomorrow's goals
-Strike
-Finish Lighting Design
-Study for Geology Lab
(for some ridiculous reason I have 2 geology finals. I think this is a bad plan)
-Practice HSD

It's going to be a full day.
Thank goodness for good friends <3


Added Note: I think one of my favorite things about yesterday was all the hugs I received. I think some people must've read my last entry <3 Yes!

And You

Whenever someone goes through one of those oh-no-I-don't-know-what-I-am-going-to-do-with-my-life moments, one of the first questions to ask is "What's Important to you?". And every once in awhile I'll remember things that are important to me, but overall the answer would have to be people. I like to see people being real and feeling a part of things. Other people experiencing emotions or connections amazes me. I knew this before today, but I was just reminded today.




[Note from Dec. 18th, 2008: There were a few additional sentences that weren't finished that I deleted. I had intentions of coming back to this entry and explain more about this. However, now I don't remember what it was that caused me to remember that people were important to me. They are important though. My question to you is: What's important to you? I'm still searching]

Treatment of dis-ease through simple, physical means

At the end of The Hug Therapy Book by Kathleen Keating (Anna Jo gave it to me last Christmas-- I highly recommend it) it says the following:

"I want a world where people are respected for
the ease and warmth of their melting...
rather than the strength of their walls."

-Clint Weyand
from My Miracle is You
(Being Books)

The Hug Therapy Book starts out remind us this:
HUGGING
Feels good
Dispels loneliness
Overcomes fears
Opens doors to feelings
Builds self-esteem ("Wow! She actually wants to hug me!")
Fosters altruism ("I can't believe it, but I actually want to hug that old son-of-a-gun!")
Slows down aging; huggers stay younger longer
Helps curb appetite; we eat less when we are nourished by hugs- and when our arms are busy wrapped around others

HUGGING ALSO
Eases tension
Fights insomnia
Keeps arm and shoulder muscles in condition
Provides stretching exercise if you are short
Provides stooping exercise if you are tall
Offers a wholesome alternative to promiscuity
Offers a healthy, safe alternative to alcohol and other drug abuse (better hugs than drugs!)
Affirms physical being
Is democratic; anyone is eligible for a hug

HUGGING ALSO
Is ecologically sound, does not upset the environment
Is energy-efficient, saves heat
Is portable
Requires no special equipment
Demands no special setting; anyplace from a doorstep to an executive conference room, from a church parlor to a football field, is a fine place for a hug!
Makes happy days happier
Makes impossible days possible
Imparts feelings of belonging
Fills up empty places in our lives
Keeps on working to dispense benefits even after the hug's release

Besides, hugging prevents war.

-Kathleen Keating

I'm a strong promoter of the hug.

While I was searching for images for this entry I came across a lot of pictures of "Free Hugs" signs. I remembered my freshman year when I, multiple times, stood around campus -outside chapel mostly- with my sign. I received hundreds of hugs. It was really nice; although it is harder to hug people with a sign in your hands. One question many people asked, although, not in seriousness, was "do you normally charge for your hugs?". I realize now that perhaps the sign should have been sat outside as a reminder and just said "hug freely".

We'll see each other at Christmas

I am hoping to get an internship this Spring while I'm in London. The theatre I am really hoping to get is Kings Head Theatre. This is the show showing the 7th-25th of January. Even if they don't want me to intern for them, I will definitely try to go see this show (as long as it doesn't sell out before I get there). I would want to see this show in the US, but I'm especially excited to see if they use American accents and if so, what they sound like!

In other news:
These last 11 days here in Holland are bittersweet. I am ready to go back home, but not eager to do all the things I have to complete first. And it's occurred to me lately that I really enjoy the people in my life and wish I was able to spend more time with them when I'm not stressed. Just today there were some nice moments. Working in the costume shop this morning was enjoyable. I prefer working Tuesdays (over Thursdays, the other day I work) because I get to hang out with Jeri and we're both so busy that we don't see each other all that often otherwise. And later today Brittany and I worked on this ridiculous Gypsum Mine report that I could do without, but we spent some time talking then. And it was really nice to realize we're both in the same position. We both have put our 1st priority in front of our priority of getting good grades and are sometimes discouraged by it, but overall we have to be apathetic because we made the right choices. She had an amazing show (1940s Radio Hour) and I have a resume with more things from the past 2 years on my resume than most people have from the last 5. And yes, I'm getting a bit apathetic these days, but don't worry, I'm still Sara... I'm just worrying about my apathy instead.

My Thanksgiving was lovely. I spent a little bit of time with Aaron on Saturday and a couple hours with Alexis Saturday night. I would probably have an easier time this week if I hadn't, but it was really nice spending time with them so it was worth it. The rest of my time was spent either prepping for London, working on school stuff or spending time with my family. Friday I went on what was probably the longest shopping trip I've ever gone on without crying during it, haha. I'm not a shopper, but it was a good shopping day. Spending Thanksgiving and the days following it with my family was needed. My grandparents spent the four days with us and I regret not being able to spend more time talking with them, but it's just nice to have them around. My brother and sister were both in town so it was a full house of 7, but a happy, full house :) The food was delicious and it was an all-in-all good time. Thanksgiving morning my siblings and I even did the annual 10k turkey trot. It's one of my favorite traditions (right up there with Christmas tree shopping and Easter egg dying). It might take a little more coaxing to get them to do it again next year, but we do it every year that we're in town in the morning so I see no reason to stop the tradition now :)

Well, there are things to do and-- more things to do. Sorry the updates have been few and far between.


Also, if anyone has the financial capabilities to donate to a theatre in need. This one is pretty awesome and could use your help :)