The Year in Review [2010]

2010 began with an intentionally relaxing recap night at home.  I had spent 2009 divided between Europe, Ohio, and New York. I had had an amazing year that I didn't believe could be topped. I stayed in that night because some part of me must have known what lied ahead: another fabulous, event-filled year. And, to think, my adult life is just beginning...

Note: Yearly recaps are one of my favorite traditions. I have always typed my year in reviews in one big long chunk because nothing is more important than anything else and this is how I lived it... all mushed together. There are some things included that may seem insignificant and some significant things left out, it's just how it ended up. It's typed in one sitting and details are very intentionally left out.

On the first day of the new year my parents, my brother, and I went down to Florida to spend some time with my Grandpa Kenny, Uncle Dick and his (now) fiancee, Judy.  While I was there I spent time on the telephone with Jeri as we tried to cement plans for our upcoming show that spring.  The family played uno with my Grandpa who, with his jokes, proved to us he was still with it.  I hung out with my cousin and her two boys who played hot cross buns on saxophone and trombone for us.  I went to the ocean with my family. I saw alligators. I went back to Hope after two semesters away and moved in with five wonderful women who would prove to be some of the best housemates I could ask for.  Jeri and I auditioned actors for our show. I went to classes, but had a hard time remembering how to be a good student.  I continued working for the Performing Arts Techncial Staff.  I assistant lighting designed Much Ado about Nothing.  I ran sometimes.  I went to stein nights. After 3 1/2 years of undergrad, I kissed a boy in Michigan. I stayed up late at night talking to my fabulous roommate about boys and politics. I stayed in contact with boys I probably shouldn't have and a couple that I'm glad I did.  I saw Iron and Wine in concert.  Meghan and I yelled things to Jackie in the next room and I realized I didn't ever want to leave. My Grandpa Kenny passed away. I had difficulty coping. I overslept classes.  I went to meetings for shows.  I dealt with anxiety.  I went to my Grandpa Kenny's funeral. The police had to come tell us (my extended family) to quiet it down three times because we know how to celebrate life.  I laughed and cried and was reminded of how great my family is. I visited my other friend Jackie at EMU on my way home. My roommate bought Thor and we attempted to doggy-proof our house.  I skipped senior seminar to take care of Thor so he didn't get stuck in the bathroom.   I went running with Thor and realized why people love having dogs. I stayed up late working on Principles of Design projects.  I applied to post-college jobs.  I hung lighting instruments in Dewitt.  I continued to oversleep management.   I made commentary throughout my religion class. I appreciated the benefits of caffeine. I went back to counseling.  I spent a lot of time in the theatre and was grateful for it.  I read wonderful books in my senior seminar and continued to question my purpose. My sister came to see "Much Ado" and finally got to see Holland, Michigan.  I ran with Andi and Jackie and Meghan and Amy and various other friends throughout the semester.  I went to Texas on spring break. I flew out of Chicago and spent the night with my wonderful sister and her fiance.  I went to Austin, Texas for the first time and loved it. I made a fabulous new friend and saw the turtle pond. I learned kings should never be played with wine.  I fell in love with a restaurant called Mother's and their vegan chocolate cake.  I visited Southwestern and got to spend time outside in a beautiful, although cooler than I imagined, March. I stargazed and ate oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.  I wanted to stay up late and didn't really want to leave. I drove half-way to Houston and realized I could listen to "The Ring of Fire" without being sad. I went to Houston and spent a great couple of days with my brother and two of my best childhood friends.  I made phone calls to people I usually saw daily because we were all having fabulous spring breaks.  I saw 39 Steps at The Alley with my brother.  I went running.  I attended my first Crawfish Boil and felt sick due to the smell it left on my hands, but enjoyed the spicy-ish corn on the cob.  My brother took me kayaking and thrifting.  We had breakfast tacos and I left my favorite gray jacket in Texas.  I hung the non-plot for Behind the Uniform.  I went to the Junction and ate ice cream. I drove my car with the top off.  Minus a boy we had a fabulous time for Jackie's birthday. I was reminded of the importance of friends.  I had the best master electrician and light board op ever for Behind the Uniform.  My parents came up to see Behind the Uniform, ushered, and then helped to host the cast party.  I have the best parents.  I drank wine on my front steps.  I applied for jobs. I appreciated my Senior Seminar class and wished I had known these people existed with these stories my freshman year.  My house threw a party.  People came and it felt a bit like a reunion.  I needed a new cell phone.  We forecasted our futures.  Schaedig visited Michigan; I drove out to see her and we laughed a lot.  I presented my life view paper in senior seminar and was grateful for a supportive environment.  Amy helped me relearn how to ride a bike. Weeks later I went on an 8 mile bike ride by myself.  It was peaceful. Amy and I made crepes. Kenzie and I went puddle jumping throughout Holland. I spent hours on the phone with a boy who made my heart pitter-patter.  I continued working.  I stared at Meghan's map of the world on our wall.  I spent numerous nights standing on the corner of 13th and College having solid conversations with Jeri. I participated in May Day and didn't deal well with keg competition.  I took a nap in the living room. I loved the Kletz's pizza rolls. I ate too much cereal.  I went to LJs. I caught up with friends.  I took finals. I tried to support friends' endeavors.  I sent a homemade envelope with silly birthday surprises.  I went to martini night. I visited Timmer Cottage. I listened to Peter Gabriel beneath a tree in our front yard with Amy. I graduated. My family came and supported me.  My roommate moved to India.  I barely said goodbye because I didn't want to cry.  We cleaned our house and got on the road. Jackie, Faith, Amy and I drove half way across the country. We visited Amy's sister in Des Moines.  Jackie and I spent the night at Schae's in Nebraska.  Jackie and I continued the rest of the way and went to Colorado because snow kept us from Wyoming.  Paul treated us to dinner and we enjoyed good company.  We went to second hand bookstores and visited my amazing Aunt Janice in Boulder.  We slept on her floor and drove to Utah where they served decaf coffee.  We spent all day in a toasty car. I fell asleep a lot. We slept as soon as we arrived in Seattle.  I hated sinus headaches. We went to a street festival in Wallingford.  We visited a park, could see the whole city and I understood why Jackie moved there.  We went grocery shopping and moved Jackie in.  Jackie and I went to a cheese festival with Lindsay and her crazy, fabulous Aunt Regina and Cheese Wiz friend.  We had a delicious dinner. I went to the Seattle library and a coffee tasting. Jackie and I ate Chipotle on the pier. I flew to Austin for the second time that year.  I ate more delicious food than I probably should've.  We went bowling and I didn't suck as badly as usual.  We had dinner at Georgetown BBQ. I played my first game of beer pong. I watched Firefly and discovered a new appreciation for Joss.  I was and am terrible at billiards.  I appreciated $5 pitches. We went grocery shopping. I failed at crepe making sans Amy because I was too tired to focus. I went to the Sig House and was envious of their staircase.  I met quality people. I stayed up late. I almost missed my flight, but returned to Chicago to celebrate my sister's graduation.  Jeff asked my parents if he could marry my sister.  They said yes. I thought that was a good answer.  I shopped for health insurance and understood why this industry needs a serious revamp.  I applied to a zillion places for work in addition to SST. I ran. I spent time with Ohio friends. I worked at the Walleye Festival. I appreciated the glory of skype.  I went to church street semi-often and appreciated the friendship of Mike, Jeni, Evan, Tim, and Jenkins. I went running with Tealla, Alyssa, and Jessica. I helped my Grandparents move into assisted living.  I made delicious low-fat food for my mom who, by fall met her goal weight on Weight Watchers. I worked at LCCC for two weeks.  I drove to Chicago for a picnic. Jeff proposed to my sister. We celebrated at Guthrie's.  I was the associate producer for Sunshine and Apprentices and loved it. I got July 4th Monday off and took a spur of a moment trip to New York City to see my (then) boyfriend. I hadn't really used that word so it's strange to type it now. I met interesting people on the Megabus. I ate amazing food in a sweaty New York and was glad to be dating a boy who knows how to grill deliciously.  I went home exhausted, but more than content.  I returned to the wonderful world of summer theater and walked with the kids in the Jamboree parade. Kids colored me pictures and signs at rehearsals. I searched for a New York apartment with Lindsay and Cameron. I over-sent them links to a million places, half of which probably didn't exist. I tye-died my paint pants.  I went running. I helped clean the basement. I saw Oberlin's Our Town with Lizzy.  I went wedding dress shopping with Anna Jo and almost missed the first dress due to a job phone call from New York.  My sister bought her wedding dress!  I saw SST's production of Children of Eden. I spent a fair amount of time on the phone and on skype with friends and boy. Distance is tiring.  I went out to dinner a lot with my parents as our kitchen was being redone. My kids put on great productions of Cinderella's Glass Slipper and School House Rock Live Jr.  Jeni and Mike got engaged. I hung out with Aaron. I moved to New York City. My dad drove me and helped me move in.  I went on a picnic.  I tried too hard. I drank wine on the Hudson River with friends. I fell asleep on someone else's bathroom floor with them.  Work 7 days/week exhausted me. I tried to remain tolerant and understanding. I saw shows as part of the festival I was working. I was underpaid, but employed.  I rode the bus to see more of the city. It rained. A boy broke my heart. I cuddled with a boy from Ireland visiting my place; I didn't feel better. I went to a piano bar with Bry.  I went to happy hour.  I went to the library. I had no desire to help with costumes. I pretended to know how to measure a guy for a suit. I worked in an office of negativity. I ran. It rained. I had difficulty sleeping. I was reminded why I love the Hudson River. I bought a bike. I saw the Brooklyn Harmonic. My bike had a flat tire. I wasn't allowed to take the bike into the building where I worked. I continuously applied for more jobs.  I went to a Moth story telling event.  I bought books.  I spent small bits of time with friends. I cut my hair short; I needed to let go. I put in my 3 weeks and felt relieved.  I had meetings with connections and kept being reminded that I just need to know what I wanted.  I avoided real dates at the last minute, chickening out.  Someone stole my bike. I returned my helmet.  Joe came to visit me. We went kayaking in the Hudson. I couldn't have asked for a better-timed fun-filled visit. Julie visisted. We went to blockheads with old friends and made new (Southwestern) friends. We saw Middletown at the Vineyard. I designed/operated the light board for a series of scenes. I slept in. I went to Columbia to see some graduate school one acts with Amanda. I was reminded of how time and space can improve a show.  I bought a flight to Nebraska for my best friend's February wedding.  I took a Megabus to DC for the Rally to Restore Sanity. I went to "My Brother's Place".  I went to the Natural History Museum. I visited with Lizzy. I watched an Oregon Duck's football game. I tied for 3rd place in a costume contest as Peter Pan.  I went to karaoke with friends. I saw the movie "Wasteland" with a new friend.  I watched the NYC marathon and went running.  I had interviews and worked as an electrician.  I went to Blockhead's. My brother visited NY and we went to the NY Natural History Museum.  Justin, my roommates, and I played Uno and Scattegories: It was one of my favorite nights since being in the city. I went to my brother's friend's birthday dinner where they served two entire goats.  I had everyone go to Lucky's, my favorite place for fattening veggie burgers in the city.  I house managed. I flew home for Thanksgiving.  My Mom made a delicious Thanksgiving dinner. I spent time with friends and family. We went Christmas tree shopping.  I saw Brief Encounter with Sally and Laura. I did show-prep for an off-Broadway show and was terrible at it. I'd be better now that I know what to do, but I don't expect to get rehired. I saw the NYAPer's Sweeney Todd. I went to a cookie exchange and other holiday parties.  I stayed up late talking to an old friend who works night shifts. I started working on producing a show for March. I was disappointed by the piano at FAO Schwartz's.  I made fudge and ate too many buckeyes. I ushered and was taught the importance of Lowrey's in fried chicken. I enjoyed new company. I took the megabus home for Christmas. I caught up with friends. I went bridesmaid dress shopping for my sister's wedding and Schae's wedding. I ordered my dress for Schae's wedding. I went to lunch. I played Apples to Apples. I met Melissa's new puppies! I had a wonderful Christmas and Christmas eve with the family. I sewed with my Grandma. I met a hedgehog. I did things I probably shouldn't have.  I went running with my bff and her fiance as they stopped at my house on the way to Michigan. I took the megabus back home to a snow-covered city.  I made a new friend.  I worked on freelance projects.  I went running in Central Park. I caught up with faraway friends.

There are nine hours left of 2010.  My roommates and I are going out tonight.

Thank you everyone for such a fabulous year.  There were definitely times of emotional turbulence and plenty others of pure joy. Thanks for being my friends through it all.  Of course, not every name was mentioned, but that means nothing.  This is just a short recap. I mean, my church wasn't even mentioned. I do it each year as a reminder to myself that even when I feel like I am spinning my wheels, I am moving something.

I'm not much of a resolution person, but
Life Goal: figure out my purpose.
Daily goal: Love and be Loved.

Standards

Christmas at "home, home"

I love New York, but sometimes you just need to go Home. By Home I mean the state I was born and raised in home, also known to college kids and new grown-ups as "home, home".

This Christmas helped to cement that you're-an-adult idea I've been having. I opened my presents last at the extended family Christmas Eve this year and didn't even sneak a peak.

Watching adorable nieces open presents in a much more entertaining manner helped. Besides, Grandpa (mid 80s) and Reagan (3) had difficulty resisting all that sat in their laps.

There are so many great things about coming home. At my place in New York I had one Christmas sweater to wear, plenty of baked goods to eat, but only a few Christmas decorations to decorate with. It wasn't that I didn't want to decorate, but a lot of my things were still at my parent's and I didn't have enough space in my bags to bring them up at Thanksgiving, when I had hoped I could. I hate to admit it, but I never decorated the gumdrop tree I did have in NYC because Target's giant gumdrops were too expensive. I decorated my parents' tree as soon as I saw the (already bought) gumpdrops in the cupboard.

[an Anna Jo picture]

I only plugged my Christmas lights in once or twice because I didn't want to inflate the electricity bill when I forgot to unplug them.


I love my family's Christmas decorations. Most of them are handed-down, hand-made, gifted, simply sentimental, or all of the above. I know I will never remember who all owned our decorations before us, but I do know that I love coming home to the house decorated. My parents do an amazing job every year.

Crazy Ornaments on a Real Tree

                            

I love that our family still practices nearly all of our traditions and does so much laughing throughout the Holiday.
Looking around the corner of the stairs to see if my parents were done making coffee so it could be "time":

In the last couple of years my Grandparents on my dad's side have joined our festivities. We go around opening our presents, which have always been (sometimes impressively) well thought-through. My mom's delicious breakfast casserole always follows, this year with the accompaniment of a raspberry-esque pastry, yogurt and fruit. There's usually a movie and then a few other variables. 2010's Christmas continued with some of the family watching one of my Dad's new John Wayne movies while the kitchen transitioned into dinner mode and Grandma and I worked on her sewing machines. When her eyes got tired Anna Jo, Justin and I went on a our sibling holiday run! There are usually time constraints keeping it around 3ish miles which is a perfect 3-person run when allergies, colds, and general semi-out-of-shapeness could affect the run. Afterwards my sister went in to pack, while my brother and I went sledding because it was a beautiful White Christmas! My brother had requested there to be sleds at home so Santa had left us some obnoxiously bright ones that also happened to be quite speedy. This limited how many times we could go down the hill in my back yard as our speed increased every time we cleared more trees out of our way and packed down the snow.

We had no desire to break the ice and fall into the creek.

Showers, dinner and general jovial-ness followed until my brother and I drove my sister to the airport where she caught a flight that took her to her first cruise with her fiance's family (best of both worlds perhaps?). Sadly this did mean that she missed the watching of "Amelie," which my brother gave me for Christmas. My mom and I watched it while my brother and Dad drove my Grandparents back to Perrysburg. I now understand why so many people were shocked that I hadn't seen it... amazing. After a little clean-up, it was bedtime. It was a complete holiday.




Uncle Gordon playing us Christmas carols on Christmas Eve and putting me to sleep


And my favorite Princess Cloe

She's adorable. I know.


I know I won't have the same holidays forever, but there's just something about home, home that make the holidays "right".

1 Degree of

Where do you move when New York feels too small?

"You Can Have Whatever You Like"

I'm fairly tired, but the last day and a half have been so encouraging, I wanted to write about them. I almost didn't because I have had such trouble falling asleep lately and staying up past my tired time affects that, but then I read my friend's blog about how rewarding her day was and was reminded of how important it is to enjoy and appreciate the days that are positive.

I had a meeting this evening with the co-producer and director of the show I am working on for March. It was my first meeting with the director and a great opportunity to hear about his vision for the show and get a feel for his communication/work style. We all have our strengths and it is exciting to be able to appreciate such things in someone else. There was a time in my life when someone with a "different work style" translated into someone I had difficulty working with. Now I like to think it translates closer to someone who I just trust with other responsibilities. After the meeting we went to check out some props and weapons for the show and without getting too blah-blah-blah, I'll summarize the evening with: meeting production staff members, going through theatre storage [looove it], and getting the final confirmation from an actor- meaning the show is fulling cast makes for an incredibly encouraging night. Woo!

I think a lot of the calmness I felt throughout today came from finally catching up and organizing all of my emails last night. In one week I had received over 120 about the one show. I woke up and only had a couple of emails to reply to and they were new so when I had read and replied, I knew I was done and could close my mail. Oh! The joys of being organized. The more organizational systems I embrace the more I am able to act in the present. I had a successful afternoon including: a new script, a delicious soup, a successful marketing meeting, meeting prep for the evening meeting and more than my fair share of Disney songs. I'm beginning to think they might have had something to do with it.

Wednesday afternoon I dropped off my coat at the dry cleaners, ran some necessary errands for myself and others, received an ushering job for this weekend, and discussed the possibility of lighting a show in February. Productive followed by rewarding.

Things aren't perfect, but I feel like I might be able to stop looking for theatre work and just focus on what I have for a little bit. Of course, I still need to figure out how to fit in the other work so I can pay bills, but the moral is I won't feel guilty if I don't check backstagejobs.com every day I'm home. [I just still will]

And there is so much to look forward to! A meeting followed by work, tomorrow. There's a bit of work on Saturday and Sunday. Sunday night/Monday morning involves packing and riding the Megabus to Ohio to spend Christmas with my amazing family and friends... including 3 brides-to-be! There will be bridesmaid dress shopping, running buddies!, haircuts, apples-to-apples, alcohol at Ohio (or family) prices, catch up with old friends...

You get the idea, it's one of those 'up' times. I'd like it to be the same in the morning.

But it's all here for you

"And here's all you have to do,
Get up, get up, get out of bed.
Let the sunshine fill your head..."

The previous post was a little mopey. I still miss summer and my throat still hurts, but today was one of those days where I have to sit back and acknowledge that I'm infinitely blessed and my life's pretty great.

I'm wonderfully excited for the near future. Assistant Lighting Designing. Lighting Designing. Producing. Living the Dream [minus the finances].



ps. Livingston Taylor's "bluer than blue" popped into my head tonight for the first time in a long time. I've associated this song with a lot of people in my life, starting with my sister when she left for college. It wasn't a perfect comparison, but it was the general feeling. Luckily the song, and the rest of the cd, is on the USB drive I have here in the city (I'm missing a different one). So great. More songs should be written about pajamas.

Drips into your heart through a pinhole

I almost typed hearth.
I should go to bed. I might be getting sick. I'm stressing about nothing.

I was going to write a post about friends, but here's a summary instead:
New good friends can be hard to find. I'm okay with this. I knew this before relocating myself and I'm happy with the people I have in my life. But, when it comes down to it I miss my friends who are so far away. I like them a lot and I miss my 2am friends an extra lot. I had the best housemates my final semester of college. I knew it then and now. I hope other people have friends like these. They let me just be or they let me babble... and not even just let, they were real friends and I didn't have to worry about what they thought. They told me, in an a way that was caring and honest. I miss them.

I'm just tired and needy. I need cuddling and free, judgeless talking.



I miss summer.

Another blog inadvertantly about Insecurities

I will have you all know that I made some delicious mint chocolate chip fudge with the correct milk the day after the disaster. My housemates (we are each other's best taste-testers) agreed that I redeemed myself and thoroughly enjoyed a portion of the pan. So, buckeyes and fudge will be taken to the Cookie Exchange tomorrow... here's to hoping no one notices, or at least minds, that they aren't cookies!

CONFESSION: I didn't make cookies for two reasons.

1. I can only think of maaaybe one or two times I've frosted sugar cookies without The Dodge's and it was not nearly as fun.

2. I was/am afraid mine wouldn't be as good as everyone else's. I know, I know, that's pathetic, but I didn't want my cookies to be the last ones on the plate. I'd rather be picked last in kickball. Okay, that wouldn't happen... baseball! I know I'm terrible at baseball, but I like to pretend I'm a good baker. I just don't have that "go to" cookie recipe that half of the rest of the world's bakers seem to have and thus I reverted back to things I know I wouldn't turn down: buckeyes and fudge. If this wasn't an exchange I probably would've even made puppy chow. I just want to be liked.




In other news, I did pilates and abs today and ran four miles on Friday. I had sorta, kinda promised myself that I was going to start to remove the topic of weight/lack of exercise/etc. from this blog, but I'm putting it in here because my goal for this week is to try out a running group. I felt fine during the four miles so I've decided that I haven't completely lost my ability to hold my own. And, I've decided I'm okay with the fact I suck at running regularly without people. There may be a time in my life when that changes, but right now, it is as it is. In addition to those reasons, I was reading Claire's post about friends and I was inspired. Okay, okay, I don't actually know Claire. How I got to her blog is a bit of a long story that begins with how my sister and I like other people's lives. Long story short, Claire runs and Claire has friends. A couple of years ago, Claire also moved to a city where she had a boyfriend. The current situations of either of those two relationships are irrelevant. Claire, unlike Sara, make a conscious effort to make friends. I was so discouraged by my experiences during my first semester freshman year that I decided I wasn't going to "try" to make friends who may or may not just turn me down. Instead I'd be regular Sara day-to-day and hope for the best. And, things have turned out fairly well, but it's time to take some initiative! It's okay if this is not how I make my new friends, but I need to get out of the apartment. I spend most of my time here working on freelance projects. Besides, running is the only time in my life that I leave the house knowing I'm wearing the right shoes.

Nom nom ... slurp.

I don't totally botch recipes very often. However, I added Car Talk to my Podcasts yesterday and their semi-recent show that starts off by telling their biggest car "oops" leads me to feel the need to confess to all*** of you other holiday bakers.

So here's the recipe we always use for Foolproof Chocolate Fudge:

3 cups (18 oz.) semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 (14 oz.) can Eagle Brand® Sweetened Condensed Milk
Dash salt
1/2 to 1 cups chopped nuts (optional)
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Instructions

1. LINE 8- or 9-inch square pan with foil, extending foil over edges of pan.
2. MELT chocolate chips with sweetened condensed milk and salt in heavy saucepan over low heat. Remove from heat. Stir in nuts and vanilla. Spread evenly into prepared pan.
3. CHILL 2 hours or until firm. Remove from pan by lifting edges of foil. Cut into squares.


Can you get much simpler? The recipe is delicious and it has served our Christmas plumpness well. And my friends, there is one word in this entire recipe that can mess up your amazing fudge... SWEETENED.

I went to the grocery store in a bit of a rush and didn't make my self "a list". I also didn't grab a basket when I was there and hurried through the aisles so I could get home, make my fudge, and then try to be productive (I had been lethargic all day). So, it wasn't until arriving home that I took a good look at what I had bought... evaporated milk. What?! How did I end up with that? sigh.

So, I do what any other logical person raised with a computer does... I google how to change evaporated milk into condensed milk. Well, look at this! Evaporated and condensed are the same thing! Wait, wait... I needed sweetened condensed milk. These are NOT the same thing. But, obviously I should be able to make it sweet so I google that and my search tells me I should stir in an enormous amount of sugar while on a low heat. Okay, not a problem. I borrow my roommate's sugar and begin stirring away. Once it was a cohesive mixture I was convinced all was well and I continued on with the world's simplest recipe for foolproof fudge. I had a taste... or a couple tastes before I put it in the fridge and it was- mmmmmmm... delicious! Okay, it was a little sweet, but in solid form it would taste like perfection.

One hour and fifty-five minutes later...
and a couple of times before that I checked my fudge. The top had solidified, but the inside was still wushing around. Hmph. That's not right. In two hours it should have hardened. 2 hours was the minimum, but still. I didn't have time to ponder it too thoroughly, I had one last email to write before I sped off to work. After work I came home... still wushy.

It wasn't until this morning that I thought maybe I should look up other ways to make evaporated milk into sweetened condensed milk. Perhaps, I did something wrong. I think there are probably quite a few of us who have tried to make-up for this grocery store mess up because most of the world tells you to just put it back on the shelf and go on another errand. The shelf life is long enough that it's not worth trying. But, if you must try you should... add a zillion tons of sugar, stir it over low heat and then LET COOL. Ah, that vital step I was missing.

So, here I am at 7:37 am. It's my 3rd time waking up in the middle of what was supposed to be a nice night's sleep and I'm taking it as a sign. Okay two signs...

1. Drink more water before bed so you don't feel so dehydrated all night
2. Throw out the damned half-solid, half-liquefied fudge and go to the store to start anew. Yes, it's a bit of a waste of money, but one must redeem herself.


Foolproof... sigh.



***Luckily only 4-5 of you read my blog so I don't imagine this confessional will have too big of an effect on the great public's view of me.

Tegan and Sara

Leo, why?

I started to type that I'm a pretty big believer in signs, but that's not really true. I'm actually just a sucker for signs and know they're essentially events that we look at in a certain light to reinforce what we already feel. So, which is the bigger sign:

Andrew from [company I applied to] called last night and left a message on my machine to return his call. Immediately after I listened to this voice message a wooden platform-ish thing fell on my head. I bled a lot, had to have the owner of the theater hydrogen peroxide my boo-boo and my hair smelled terribly the whole night. I still have a headache and had to have my roommate help me rinse my hair out.

Andrew, the guy who called, has an extension of 406. This was my number for the majority of my best cross country races in high school.

I returned his call this morning and informed him of the exciting commitment I have added to my life for now-til-March. And, I'm 98% sure I made the exact right choice. I need to focus on my previous commitments and then finding a paying job.

Just wear a scarf

Getting dressed is easier when you don't have anyone to impress.
I used to just stand in my room and yell "can't I just go naked?" to whomever was listening, but now I don't even want to do that.


hmph.

ps. Dear Mac Users,
Is there a keyboard short cut for "home"/"end". I type more on my old computer than on my Mac because I love those keys so much.

Confidentally in the Direction of

Follow your dreams.
Believe in yourself.
Do what makes you happy.


The difficult part of following this advice is knowing what your dreams are, who you are, and what will make you happy. For me, all of these things seem extremely variable and somewhat dependent on other things. Having work makes me happy because there are time when I don't. Spending time with my family makes me happy when I have additional things to do. I become restless easily and thus need a variety of projects and, as I like the call them... adventures.

Still, I continue to look for that one thing I am supposed to dedicate myself to. I was told by one of the theatre practitioners that I admire most that I could be great at any of the things I had listed to her if I focused on one. So, here I am, still flipping and flopping around, looking for The One.

Today I realized another reason why DSM wasn't right for me and why theatre management might be wrong for me altogether... Name Dropping.
I don't know names and I don't feel bad about it. I know why they're important... they bring in a lot of people, but I don't want the excitement of names to overshadow the excitement for the story. I visit Playbill every day, but for the jobs, not for the names so I rarely know who is starring in what. As far as management or producing go... I want to use organizational systems to make efficient and effective environments in which purposeful art is be created. I don't know Betty or Susan or Joshua or Gerrard or.. whomever and they aren't what is important to me. I do care about how the story is told, so they matter in that respect. If Susan is the best person to tell the story... fabulous! I hope the director casts her.

In the long run this may mean I'm not meant to be in commercial theater in the US. I'll hold out hope that more purposeful theatre will enter that sector in time, but right now, I may need to concentrate my organizational self elsewhere. After all, I'm happy to put together lights for anyone, but when it comes to filing and answering phone calls for most of a 40 hour week, I can only happily do that for a project that has passion behind it. I also have to find the space in which I'm not surrounded by people who will gasp in disappointment when I don't recognize the first three actors' names. It wears me out to have my theatre practitioner identity consistently questioned because I don't know so-and-so... and I'd rather exert that energy they exhaust out of me teaching eighth graders what it means to have an objective.

But first, I should probably figure out my own.

No Rest for the Familial

I intended to start this post talking about being an electrician and how it is tough when you're insecure, but then I was in Starbucks and saw a great big sister and changed my mind.

Olya is small, but not terribly toddlerish, maybe 3. She has a brand new baby sister whom is so tiny she must either be less than a month or a pre-me. Olya is losing the majority of the attention she has been receiving for the past three years, but she "gets" that her sister is someone important, someone worth helping. So, when her sister loses her pacifier because it's hard to hold in her mouth while crying, Olya will pick it up (from a quarter of an inch away from her sister's face) and put it back in her sister's mouth. Of course, when she is unsuccessful, her mom may think that Olya took the pacifier and caused the crying, rather than trying to be the solution, but that (hopefully) won't deter her from being there and helping her sister find what's right in front of her face in the future.

My siblings are pretty amazing. We're all closer to the handing out pacifier phase than we are the receiving, but it's still pretty wonderful to have them around, to help me with what's right in front of my face and with what's not. I spent Thanksgiving in Ohio and while it wasn't a particularly restful holiday, it was a good time. My whole family came to the airport to pick me up and the family time continued for the rest of the weekend. I look forward to seeing them again in 2-3 weeks!



When I wasn't with my family I was with my fabulous, fabulous friends. As I told my mom and Miller, my friend karma has come back to me 10-fold. I used to put a lot of effort into friendships that didn't always having a reciprocating counterpart, but now I have fabulous friends all around the world who I consistently exchange happiness and love with... and a particularly great group back in Ohio. They're crazy and I might not be the best apples-to-apples player with them, but they always make for a good time and love me, even when I forget the cinnamon applesauce.

iSLEEP

If I had an iPad I'd take it to IHOP where I'd read a book on it, while listening to my iPod. Any one else wonder if they made the letters mostly lowercase so as not to infringe on IHOP's pre-existing popularity.



Okay, no, I know, probably not. I was just thinking of how similar they are, but how much better the pancakes taste...

Under/Over Qualified/Ambitious

"(his life was)... a total tragedy, but he was better than me at making ice cream". -Tim
(in regards to his jerkfaced manager at DQ)

"they taught me the JDC* style" -Schae (crocheting)


*Juvenile Detention Center



Insecurity is tough, but there is value in learning from others... even if admitting you don't know and messing up what you do know because you're over-worrying means you don't get hired again.

Someone else will like you.

Someone else will like me.

Lot of someone elses like both of us. It'll all shake out. Fear not; Love honestly and remain dedicated to the task.

A deserving porcupine

Don't want to jinx all the happiness, but I'm pretty excited for the next 8 days... friends, family, and a little bit of work. Perfect.

Contrary

My friend, Aaron told me he thought I might like this song:



He's right, but it sort of sounds like heart break.
We had a brief discussion about "letting it go". Letting go of things isn't in the top 10 of my best skills, but I don't really want (to need) any more practice. It's similar to patience in that way.

I used to claim that I didn't believe in time, but if I do, it's for the sake of comfort. It is what is promising us that we're all experiencing the same amount of something. We may feel different than the people next to us and different than we did last hour, but it's just an hour and the next hour will come around in the same amount time.

While I don't believe time heals all wounds, I believe that the right actions over time will. Nothing but infinity lasts forever. This knowledge may not help me set my things down, but I know that in time, they may disappear anyways.

Bright Eyes once told me:
"I let my troubles solve themselves. I used to get involved but I'm just no help"

I like to get involved because I want to be "a part of things," but I know it's a bit in vain. Most of my problems solve themselves better when I stay out of them, and the luggage I'm carrying only leaves on its own accord.

I cut my hair, partly because I needed it gone. I miss my long hair and am letting it grow, but I still want to experiment with other short hair cuts. I'm divided because hair takes a long time to grow and sometimes you don't want to let it go. Sometimes you just want it back.




Contrary to this song and this entry I am feeling a.okay. I have had catch-up conversations with two wonderful friends the past two nights and there is so much excitement in the near future! Yeah, I'm in a good place. Thank you <3

ps. On a completely separate note, I love this woman and I'm totally guilty of this.

Worth Sharing

Things worth sharing:

1. My friend Jeri sent me the link to this, Digital Theatre. Amazing. Over There is my FAVORITE show that I haven't been a part of!
There's a bit of me that's hesitant, as theatre acting is for the stage, not film and the staging feels differently when you don't get to see the whole stage, but if the directors don't mind... London is so far away, I appreciate them bringing it closer. And, from what I was told once by a man who lived in Northern England, they typically broadcast certain plays on British tv.

2. Lisa, who was in my program last fall, recently posted this on facebook... a whole new, fabulous way to look at Van Gogh.



3. My friend, Greg just posted these stairs on his facebook. For as long as I can remember having a library (floor to ceiling bookcases) filled with books I've read has been on my list of life goals. Book stairs has just replaced it.



4. THIS WOMAN



5. Holidays



6. Chocolate Chip cookies
I almost applied here, but was reminded by my roommate that maybe I didn't want to be delivering cookies in the snow at 2am to drunk, overwhelmed, and/or recently broken-up women**.




**Not to say that those are the only people who'd buy the cookies, but we know that's when we'd be most likely to order them.

It'll be different in the morning

Had a purposeless day and realized I really want to be a roadie. After realizing I didn't actually know how to make that happened I had an evening with friends. On the train home I began thinking about trying to find a job as a secretary in an upper office. If I made a medium amount of money I could pay off my loans and leave to live off the earth. I arrived home to find the run-a-way and go live in the woods feeling waiting for me.



Not all who wander are lost and not all who are lost wander.

My shoes match my watch

Remember when I said I was an emotional marathon watcher? I'm even an emotional marathon reader-abouter. Spencer's just a regular guy, but I understand the silence. The marathon is inevitably something in my future, just not yet.


The blog that the bit about Spencer is written on, is a blog I learned about through my friend, Heather. There are a zillion and one mother blogs out there, but these are the two I read and find interesting outside of a child-raising sense... which gets a little old when you don't actually have kids. Heather has a great way of focusing not only on being a mother, but of experiencing and loving extended family and the experiences of life. "The Mother Runner" helps me remember I can go running. I don't, but I know I can. If I had a routine I'd rename my blog, not the living bean, but Running in the Grown Up's World. It's different here.

Take It

Dexter makes my nerves jumpy, but I watch it anyways.
I sometimes wonder if they write the cliff hanger first. Ahhh. I would've been able to sleep easier if it weren't for the last 3 minutes.

0-point Week

The options for titles for this post are numerous, but the moral of the story is I need a 0-point week this week. I cannot remember the last time I ate this much food in one weekend. Even when I was in Texas in March I didn't eat this much. And now, at 1am [and 2:30am when I finished typing] I feel full. The chocolate chips I just had probably helped it. Although, let's rewind to get a full week in review.

Monday: work and interview [for a job I decided during the interview I didn't want]
The working was great! It was my first time getting to actually hang instruments in a New York theater that required more than a house ladder. In fact, they required an incredibly rickety old 'cherry picker'. I have never been in one quite this... unstable? It also required you to hand pump it up at about 1-2" a pump so we left it at full height and climbed the ladder [attached] up to it. That said, it was one of the first times that when someone else went to go do it, and got nervous, they told that person not to worry about it because I'd go up. It was reverse freshman year and fabulous. That said, I think I missed out on a lot of learning by having people eager to take over things during college. That was then and this is now though so I'll digress.
I love organizing and paperwork, but I had REALLY missed lights.

Tuesday: interview and additional work
There was actually an additional call which I was able to attend a portion of. Yay! I had an interview in the morning and in the afternoon so I just worked between them. I know I didn't get the job that the first interview was for and I was pretty disappointed about it. It was a solid few days of work and for a project I thought sounded really cool. That said, there are plenty of qualified people out there and when it comes down to it, I'm kind of mediocre. I'm great in that I'm focused, friendly, and get things done, but I'm not the speediest, strongest, or most knowledgeable and I understand that. Things take time.

Wednesday: networking
I went to an open house for a theatre company with a school. Meh. I don't know if I'm really at a place where I want to network in a networking setting. To do so well you really have to know what you want and what you offer. I know those things, but I'm not sure which things to showcase in such a setting. And, there were a variety of people there for different reasons and it just wasn't for me.
Afterward I had some thai at Tara's Thai [I'm trying to do better remembering the names of places where I eat] with a friend and I must admit, I get so excited to see new friend(s)' living arrangements! This friend lives near St. Mark's and it was so exciting to see. I wish it wouldn't be weird to take pictures so I could sort of compare and contrast and show you... There are so many worlds in each of the five boroughs that it almost amazes me that there are even more worlds within those worlds... neighborhoods and homes and rooms...

Thursday: being mopey, followed by margaritas
Thursday averaged out to being an okay day, but it was another one of those Ahhhhh! sort of days. I'm truly working on my professional patience, but budget sheets can make that hard to do. This was the day that I found out I didn't get the one Tuesday job and I had really begun to be enthusiastic about it. I also was working on a cover letter for a job I thought I really wanted and my computer froze... multiple times... while trying to save. It was discouraging. Luckily, my fabulous friend Sally and I got together and went to the Blockhead's on the UES and my day was saved. We sat at a 6 person table with couples on either sides. One was on a fabulously awkward first date. I ate too many chips and got a slight brain freeze, but just being around a friend's good energy made the cover letter issue become a little less important... you know, in the scheme of things.

Friday: Yay!
I finished the cover letter that I'd written [3+xs] the day before. I ended up hand-writing it the last time the day before and then just typed it Friday. I love paper. I actually need new notebooks... small and legal size.



My brother arrived around lunch time. We had lunch and then journeyed off to the American Museum of Natural History. All this time and I'd never made it to the New York Natural History museum. I've been to London's and D.C.'s [just 2 weeks ago] and now New York's. I've spent between 2-5 hours in each of them so not enough to see everything in any of the museums, but I think I prefer London's. Both the displays and the cards were the most interesting. It was incredibly interactive and directed at various learning types. I think New York's had a lot of potential, but some sections could use revamping and the lack of context made it difficult for someone with my learning styles to remember much. That said, I enjoyed my time and still learned things!




We returned to Spanish Harlem and I made, what I thought, was a delicious version of this Cajun Pork and Pasta recipe.
Of course, I had a little extra meat, used different pasta, added a fair amount of extra Cajun [when you love it, you love it], was lacking zucchini, didn't have red beans, didn't have a can of diced tomatoes so diced one of my roommates' and hoped for the best- knowing it was more, and wasn't sure what exaaaactly hot pepper sauce was so added some chili garlic thing my roommate had and just added more Cajun. I drank a full glass of milk after dinner just to calm down the Cajun lining my mouth, but I'd totally make it again.

Following dinner Cameron, Lindsay, Justin, and I played Uno [everyone won at least once except me] followed by Scattergories, during which I redeemed myself. Laughter, alcohol, games, friends... my favorite kind of night. I could be completely wrong, but it seemed like everyone else was fairly content with the evening's going ons as well.


Saturday:
My brother, Justin and I slept in a bit and then met an Undergrad friend of his and her husband for lunch. I thought we were having lunch right away so didn't bother with breakfast. It was a mistake as we wandered around Chelsea Market and then the High Line. I also hadn't brought my work things with me so I needed to leave by 2:15 in order to get back in time. I was a little stressed as a result and didn't enjoy the High Line as much as I usually might. It's still pretty wonderful and I recommend a stroll along it to anyone.

We ended up eating lunch at a place just off of the current ending to the high line, around 19th-ish? I can't remember the name of the place off the top of my head, but I will say that I order a hamburg that came with pineapple on top... not a bad idea. Juicy. I would've preferred it sliced thinner so it would've been easier to eat, but it was still quite enjoyable. More and more I'm understanding so many people's desire to make the perfect hamburger. There are so many options it's understandable why there are so many restaurants that focus specifically on hamburgers. It's not even just a question of what to put on it, but what to put in it. Mmmmm...

Then, I went to work. Yay! I love being an electrician. I only was able to put four hours in, but that was enough for my weak little arms. While I could have and would have kept working and my weakness never [very rarely?] gets in the way of accomplishing anything, holding 50' cables and fixtures about your head for four hours will get you... especially if you're on a wobbly ladder so all of your muscles are tensed up anyways. That said, I really liked the people in the place that I worked and would like to return. I have a feeling that don't do a lot of overhiring, but it was a good Saturday afternoon.

Following work I re-met up with my brother at a little place called Resto on East 29th. His whole reasoning for coming into town was for a friend's birthday. Said friend lives in Norway and was celebrating his 40th birthday party. Gasp, I know, but he looked 28 so we all look passed it. Someone said it was the ideal black/asian mix. I don't know if that was his total background, but I have heard such mixes don't age. Sadly I can't contribute to that mix for any future generations. Anyways...
There were about 20+ of us and we did what they called a "Large Format Feast". Essentially you eat a whole animal. Darryl wanted goat and goats are lean so we, as a group, consumed two entire goats. In case you have a weak stomach, I'll spare you all of the details, but for those of you who are curious: yes, there were eyes and tongue and the heads were presented, but no there were no testicles. There was a tiny bit of vegetables: broccoli and brussel sprouts included here and there, but for the most part it was just a lot of meat... and some delicious beer. Prior to dinner I drank a delicious Belgium bottled beer called 'La Botteresse'. Mmmmm. Dinner was followed by one of the best chocolate cakes I've tasted in America and I had enough to celebrate Darryl's birthday, my birthday [dinner was a bday present from my brother], and my Dad's birthday [which is today 11/14]. Happy Birthday everyone! We then moved locations and had more good conversation and I mostly just wanted to lay down. I had had some fuller beers and a lot of goat and cake. By the time we arrived home and approached 4am, I was quite ready for bed.

Oh! And, while I was out I, thanks to my handy dandy phone, I looked up the regional results and was absolutely THRILLED to discover that the Hope Girls' Cross Country team had advanced to Nationals as a team and Nate Love [25:20 in an 8k] had advanced as an individual. I believe, to advance as an individual you have to be in the top 7 of runners not on a team to advance... brutal. I'm not sure what you know about times, but all 7 of my women ran sub23 6ks. I hate to admit it, but I don't know if I ever even saw that as a realistic dream-goal for myself. I believe sub24 was the dreamer number for me.


Sunday:
Justin asked me for a recommendation for lunch.. we were to meet up with his friend Eric, whose house I've actually been to! Although, to be honest, I rarely remember if I'm remembering people correctly, so I had to check and make sure he lived in Houston when I'd re-met him the evening before. I try, I really do make an effort to remember people. *sigh*

So, despite my stomach's desires, instinct was to suggest Lucky's... my favorite veggie burger place in Manhattan. I hear their regular burgers are also absolutely delicious. I thought it was just to be the three of us, but there ended up being 10. If I'd known I would've warned everyone that the ambiance is... bright. Very red. Very yellow. Afterward we conversed a bit more and I spent most of the time making faces at Claire, the baby. I said goodbye to my brother and the Texans and went home to reunite with my roommate who had beautifully cleaned the apartment. I appreciated it and then took a nap.

Long story short: Life's pretty fabulous and I should probably try to consume more salads this week.


I listen to this song more than anyone should:
pt

Every time they say "baby girl" I think of my friend Joe. MGMT... Joe... who else makes me internally laugh when they say it?

Dinner Table

Cindy McCain Slams DADT - The Daily Beast

My friend, Anne had shared the above on link her facebook and I posted the following response. I then removed it as I didn't know if I felt secure enough in my wording to have it be presented on her facebook. So, here it is for you, an audience that I know a little more about.


It's not often that I defend anyone who leads a GOP filibuster against removing DADT, but I wouldn't be too worried about their dinner table. Sen. McCain has said he'd support it once the top military [later adding the bit about- within a ...well-conducted study] said it was a good idea. Of course, I know he still has expressed additional concerns that now might not be the right time to remove the ban, but hopefully he'll stick to what he had repeated so many other times. I, unlike him, think the ideal time to repeal the ban would've been the day after it passed, but no one asked me :)

In his hesitation to be pro-ban-removal I have to try and remember that there's a difference between what you 'feel is right' and what policies you support that have a lasting effect on your career [Oooh politics] and the millions of people who have protected, and will continue to protect, your country in the future. And, his fumbling in answering questions makes me wonder how much he just got picked to be the face of this because he has always been looked upon as a guy who knows his military, not because he felt that passionately about it.

But, I don't know, I've never met the guy and I can't tell the future.

Want to Listen to the set

Things I Don't Understand

This will be a repeat title.

Warning: Over-analyzer in full force for the rest of this post...


Thing 1 [that should be thing 11]



I like the song, but why would 11 be lonely? Being sad is one thing, but it shouldn't be LONELY. 11 is two 1s joined together to make something greater, but maintaining their own individual identities. Isn't that the ideal relationship of the mainstream of the current generation?

Some things

Some things I'd tell you now or at some point earlier this week if you were a short-distance friend:

Marathons make me cry. Always. I've never been to one without crying.
I want to train for and run one with one of my previous running partners :( I don't want new ones. Well, kind of.

Today is day number 3 of wearing Nana Mae's [I think it was hers] necklace. People of all varieties compliment it, which gives me a feeling of confidence.

I'm going to be [somewhat intentionally] late, but I don't know if this is a fashionably late type of event. Either way I'm super nervous, but I'm going. Maybe I should be in a profession that requires less networking.

...



....


Okay, got it. Putting my shoes on.

Not a dependent*

Before you read this. 2am talk on taxes. I just reread this and is missing parts of the train of my thought. I'm going to post it anyways because I like the idea of being able to trace my growth. I can't wait until I'm smarter than this.





For the most part these days, I'm an independent contractor.

What does that mean?
It means that people pay me per job and the government doesn't collect taxes on my income until later. At that point I have to pay them all that I owe them.

What else does that mean?
Tax time seems a little extra scary at this point

So, what? Now you're all against taxes?
No. I'm not against taxes. I don't think highest necessities such as food [actually food's the only thing I can think of right now] should be taxed, but I am okay with most other things being taxed because I want everyone to have libraries, fire departments, someone to call when you hear something outside and it's sort of scary, and a safety net** so you don't have to beg on the streets.

Where are you going with this?
Oh right. So as I've been thinking about the income I've made so far this year and will hopefully make from now until April, I've been trying to think about what I need to do so I can pay the correct amount in April. How do I know what the correct amount to save is? So, I've begun reading the IRS's webpage. It's not confusing and yet it is. You think something is so very clear, but then all of a sudden you start second guessing yourself... the way you did in middle school with the teacher whom you knew ALWAYS put trick questions on the quiz. So, I re-pulled out Cap & Compass's "life after school. explained. the definitive reference guide". I truly believe that this book should be mandatory reading before anyone is allowed to graduate or leave school early.

Now, I'd be a liar if I claimed it made all my tax questions simple, but it does fill in a lot of things you manage to forget, not pay attention to, or just never learn.

Example 1:
HMO vs. PPO vs. POS

Uhh... POS stands for Point of Service... not Piece of Shit.
How do you decide which health insurance to go with? That is, after your parents stop covering for you.
Over the summer I had to look for my own health insurance and nothing made me want health care for everyone more than that. That, and why wouldn't we want everyone to have health care? Lindsay, Cameron, and I had a discussion about such and I might change my mind tomorrow, but doesn't it make more sense than welfare? I mean, isn't getting our limbs sewn back on and our pneumonia taken care of slightly more important than that cell phone? I mean... kind of?

Example 2.
W-4 forms.
We all put a 0 in the form so the government takes more money and we get a refund, but why does Uncle Sam get to make interest on our money? Shouldn't we put that money in an account and make at least a .02% interest and then pay it back. Okay, okay, I know why we do it, but when it comes down to the numbers, you put down a 0 in bottom half of the W-4 form and the government collects the interest?
Of course, if the possibility of having to pay extra later is intimidating [and it is] than maybe putting down a 0 is a best idea and consider the interest a donation. If you're like me and your taxes are so tiny that your interest would be approximately 4 cents... than maybe you're better off. Unless of course, that 4 cents is an exaggeration and either way, every penny counts.



I suppose the point of this entry is to say: try and be informed. And, once you're informed, try to help others. It wasn't until my senior year of college [just in time] that I was taught to check my tax bracket before accepting a promotion. I may make less money due to tax increases. Yes, maybe that's not a big concern for me right now, but it's something to be attentive to.

I was originally going to compile some of my findings on independent contractor taxes and deductions, but the post has gotten a bit long. Moral of the story... read up. Find out what you're getting yourself into when you graduate. The book I have is tiny. I could read (and comprehend) it in its entirety in a couple of hours. And, while the IRS page may look really boring, it's worth looking up who you are.



You could save some money on taxes and put that money into a charity because if we don't want the government to become a charity, then we should support those who are. Actually, scratch that. That was just a jab. We should support charities and we should support ourselves. Remember, "WE the people..."





Footnotes*** on a blog. Really?

*except for health insurance
**I've been thinking about food stamps lately as I make a very small amount of money, but have come to the conclusion that they should only be a safety net for when otherwise you'd eat nothing... not otherwise you wouldn't eat your daily servings of fruit and veggies because then you couldn't buy something else that you don't absolutely, positively need. After all, the government... "the man" you're taking from... is really just us.
***Left foot, right foot
Feet, feet, feet
How many, many feet you meet.

Away from the feeling of being alone

I remember that feeling. How beautiful. Sometimes it amazes me how many of us feel exactly the same, just decades or continents apart.


And you know, even when there's no love, love involved, a simple phone call really can make a beautiful difference in your day.


I pretty wonderfully blessed.

Cross your fingers

Interviews make me optimistic even if everything has an expiration date.

BLASTED review

I know the writer of this review of BLASTED and I wish I could see the show myself. This play is unbelievably brilliant...
But keep your eyes out for the reviewer's writing in the future. She gives me hope in American writing.

Figuring Things Out

Recovering from such a fabulous weekend has not been easy. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't as sleep deprived as some other years and there was no hangover or even slight dehydration, but as soon as Monday hit I felt behind and a little lost. I cleaned up the kitchen a bit and looked at jobs, but mostly I just stayed in bed.

Tuesday was an improvement with four resumes/cover letters going out and departure from the house Tuesday night! I went to see "Wasteland" with an actor from the last show I worked on; it was wonderful. If you have the chance to see it I recommend it... or at least do a bit of research on Vik Munez. The power of art, and even more so, the power of community, is beautiful.

On the way home there was a jovial bunch of kids talking and one brought up "The Sound of Music" and some singing occurred. It was much better than what is typically sung on the subway (by riders and by people looking for money) so I instantly knew they were performance majors. I then caught a glance of the one guy's bag that said 'Weathervane Playhouse'. Yup, he was from Akron and goes to school in Oberlin. Cue 'It's a Small World After All' round 4512.


Today has been another day of job searching in my PJs. I'm a bit lost with what I should do. I've applied to quite a few jobs that interest me and I'm perfectly qualified for, but nothing's looking promising. What do I do? It seems logical to get some sort of temporary position. However, I have yet to find a temporary position that doesn't require you to work over Thanksgiving weekend. I really wouldn't mind working over Thanksgiving weekend except I have already committed to going to Ohio over the Holiday and Macy's just isn't going to pay enough to justify giving up that plane ticket. I would apply to more of the box office/ushering/FOH jobs, but I already have committed to a Nov/Dec show that shows 3 Wed-Sunday weekends that would inevitably interfere with every other job. This leaves me to get a position for during the day. Now, as it stands now, I'd eventually like to be a producing director, but most assistant positions that seem to lead that way haven't been sending me positive vibes. So, I feel as though I might need to be looking for internship number 8, but the question is, 'Is that financially a realistic option?'. It depends on what happens with my evenings in January and I can't afford to wait. Do you see where this is going?

Then again, when I think about it, what I really want to do is encourage the growth of more communal atmospheres in order to fight loneliness so, maybe I just need to broaden my search. It's not so much an issue of lowering standards as it is widening them.


In other news, my parents sent me chocolate and even though it was WW, I still ate waaaay too much of it this afternoon. Time to curl up in bed and get back to the job search.

Halloween Part 2: Flower Bed in NYC

Sunday morning I boarded another 10:00 am Megabus and journeyed back to my City. I didn't nap as much on this leg of the journey as the two girls in the seats across from mine talked about relatively nothing for majority of the trip. Karma... I know. Why did no one mention this to me at the time?

I limped my way back to my apartment [heels and pinky toes don't get on well with new shoes] and saw a fair number of kids trick-or-treating in my neighborhood. They mostly go to the businesses. It's incredibly interesting to me all the different ways there are to trick-or-treat. When I was younger I thought it was only a door-to-door thing. When I was much younger my parents might have taken me to something else, but I don't remember trunk-or-treats or businesses. I got back to 345, showered, and got ready for Halloween.

My roommate, Lindsay [pictured above as the Little Mermaid] and I went down to the East Village Halloween Parade, which is one of the few Halloween Parades that draws way more college aged+ viewers than children. I had haphazardly put together my 'flower bed' costume and it was rarely visible as it, as many Halloweens previous, was too cold.

Before the parade ended I made my way to '305' [throwback to last Fall] to meet up with a few friends for dinner, followed by karaoke.




It's so much fun being friends with musically inclined people! There was also a bowl of candy at a table near the door, probably left over from earlier trick-or-treaters, which we adopted :) It was a fabulous night and I returned home happy.

Halloween: Peter Pan in DC

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Don't get me wrong, I understand the sanctity of Easter, the fireworks that accompany the 4th of July, the green beer that accompanies St. Patrick's Day and the joy of giving of Christmas, but when it comes down to it, no other holiday gives you as much room to be completely ridiculous.

This Halloween was, like so many others, absolutely wonderful. Friday morning I boarded a bus to Washington DC and arrived in time to look around a DC library and wander about the Natural History Museum. I love well-written display cards. I was a little disappointed by a few of the patrons of the museums, but over all it was nice to see people in the museum. Example of disappointment:

Granddaughter (age aprx. 9-11): I don't think we evolved from apes...
Grandmother: No, we probably didn't.
Granddaughter: I definitely don't look like that!
Grandmother: I would sure hope not!



Did we not read the exhibit? We share what percent of DNA with them? Did you see those hip bones in the previous room? I'm not saying we all have to agree with the theory, but at least encourage the kid to see how our structures are very similar. Whether you believe in evolution or not, you can't deny that our bone, muscle, and DNA structures are very, very close. I think we often make misreading or mistyping mistakes that make us appear much less intelligent that we are. Grammatical errors and gaps in education are one thing... staring at an exhibit and saying it's wrong because you don't want to think you look like an ape? I don't know what to do with that.



At 5:30 they kicked us all out and I walked about the National Mall and stopped by where the Colbert/Stewart stage was being set up. I shared some decent conversation and decided that traveling a crazy distance to do.... anything isn't that special. Most people do it at some point or another. 12 hour bus rides... 14 hour car rides... weird people in big cities... crazy people in small towns... we all encounter them. I used to say I'd do pretty much anything for the story, but I'm thinking about retracting that. Someone else already did it and told the story better. I suppose what I want to say is I'll do most anything for the adventure.



Eventually I wandered down to "My Brother's Place" where I met a few more crazies and then met up with my good friend from college, Joe for one of the best (beer) happy hours in DC.



We caught up, wandered around the National Mall, returned to the stage being set up, waved to the camera,


and journeyed on the Red Line to his [now former] place of residence where I met one of the interesting people he lives with... one of their cats and the dog! I don't necessarily want a dog of my own at this stage of my life [too much commitment], but other people have some pretty fabulous ones. Joe walked with me through the cold back to the Metro where I took that fabulous red line to the other side of the city to stay with my friend from high school, Lizzy!

Inevitably we stayed up talking so despite a bit of sleeping in, the next morning showed up early. After a bit of cereal and tea, we journeyed off to "The Rally" with about 215,000 of our closest friends [according to an aerial analysis by AirPhotosLive.com for CBS News]... or maybe a few less friends and a lot more people just like us who are surface-ly informed and mostly just trying have a fun Saturday when we don't have to work.

The Rally was a bit different than I imagined it might be. I definitely thought there'd be more comedic political talk, but it was more 1 part Roots, 1 part musical guest, 1 part commentary of the current people in the news, and 1 part Stewart/Colbert banter. I would've like a bit more political banter, but I did managed to see [or hear] Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Sheryl Crow, Kid Rock, the Mythbusters, The ROots, Don Novello, R2D2, Cat Stevens/Yusuf, OZZY [my 8th grade bf with OZZY tattooed on knuckles would've been jealous], the O'Jays [in their white suits.... mmmmmm], Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, John Oliver [I busted out my Peter Pan costume at the same time, Yusuf [Cat Stevens... I didn't cry during Peace Train, no, no, why would I have teared up?], and... a few others live so I'm not going complain. And, I will note that while I didn't have a sign, I did wear my "No Keg Left Behind" Mayday 2010 t-shirt.

Afterward Lizzy and I met up with Joe and oddly enough I stayed the calmest in the crowds [and without prescriptions...]. We had some supper and beverage and all was well. It was a bit chilly by this point so we had some hot chocolate, journeyed about some lower-priced clothing store and then headed off to watch the Oregon Duck's place. They won. It was a fabulous game. I also won... tied for third place in a costume contest [out of more than 4 people] and went home with $25... which covered my drinks and part of lunch. Yay! The grown-ups were tired so we went home after the game. It was probably for the best as I had a four and a half hour bus trip the next day followed by NYC Halloween.

Sans the unemployment part, my life is pretty amazing.