Sometimes it is easy to blame all your sadness on one thing, but it's rarely just one thing. Life's funny like that.
Yesterday's muck followed me into today and it seemed the harder I tried to feel good, the more muddled I felt a few minutes later.
After lighting I typically go straight to the Dow to run, but this morning, for whatever reason I didn't pack my running clothes in my bag so I had to return to Timmer to get dressed first. I ended up spending extra time in my room talking to a friend for a bit, but mostly just being sad. I went to the Dow around 5 to get my bag for the meet tomorrow and with intention to run. However, I just didn't feel like it. It's strange how easily that stereotypically pre-teenage apathy will show up.... even about things you really care about, like running. Emily, who needed to get a few extra miles in, nicely offered to run with me around 6:15 and I accepted the offer. I returned to my house and spent some more time talking with a friend about what was causing me so much sadness. Luckily as he was needing to leave, Emily showed up and we went running. I had so much emotion left in my muscles, I was glad, and fortunate to have someone with me. We talked about many other things during the run including how I felt about the team and how much I missed my best friend. I hadn't realized I was missing her so much, but I am. It was important for me to remember that lots of events and non-events go into how I am feeling. Emily and I ran together for 25 minutes and then I added another 25 on after that. I ended at exactly 50 minutes in front of my house... perfect :00 is the sign of a good run, regardless of how one feels, haha. It had been a good run though, a definite recovery, but a mentally good run. My mood went almost a complete 180. I've only been done for 15 minutes, so who knows how the rest of the night will finish out, but let me leave it at this: I am grateful for friends, specifically ones who are good listeners [and good talkers] and for everyone who holds my hand, literally or figuratively as the cycle repeats itself. Some days are especially tough and we all need caring people to surround and support us. And I might need a couple extra...
Thank you for answering your phone, for calling me back or for just being there at the exact right time.