It's after 2am on a Friday night and I will be up early to drive to Indiana. Since talking to Joe earlier today, every time I say Indiana I hear Rob singing his Indiana/Grandfather song... it typically fills me with a strange calm.
Yet, not really now. Perhaps it's Daisy May's fault, I'm not sure. I just feel like I'm missing someone -- or something. I know some of it is my Aunt Darlene. I haven't seen her in a long time and I won't see her again for a much longer time and while at the age of 20 I should probably be able to understand this-- I can't. I don't know if I really want to. I think, at this point, it's just better to not.
Sometimes I feel this I'm-missing-something feeling and I think it's the pull of my soul mate's heart to mine. Then I remember that I'm not sure if soul mates exist and figure that's okay cause it's the oversoul pulling me close-- and in some ways that's the same thing. Or is it simply nature or God of a sort knowing I need to reconnect, but that's pretty similar to the oversoul too... Or is it a heartache from all the rest of the world? I don't know what it is, but it makes me feel soft tears and wish I was somewhere more than this room in Holland, Michigan.... like a quiet pier with quiet friends. Maybe we can solve the world with symmetry and care.
I need to go to bed.